The Words Unsaid

[4leavesonaclover]

A/N: Is it plagiarism if I self-plagiarize? It probably is but this is for my own hobby so I guess I'll do what makes things easier on me. Also content warning of some sexual references in the beginning.

--------

It was a scene of scandal. The supposedly perfect sky knight of Hoshido, fornicating with a Nohrian rogue. It had started as a moment of morbid curiosity, only for it to get farther than Subaki wanted to admit. But here in the borders of the tension-filled kingdoms, he could for once throw away all expectations of the world and embrace his inherently flawed self. Forget about the war, his image, his reputation and legacy that was expected of him.

"That was amazing," remarked Niles. "You were really into it today. Guess war really gets you hyped up?"

"Yeah... you could say that."

They had even discussed running away together. With the increased tensions caused by Nohr's invasion, the idea of running away seemed tempting. Maybe then they could build a future together, away from royalty and expectations.

But then the image of Lady Corrin flashed through Subaki's mind. Her smiles, her doubts, the blush she had around Kaze. He thinks about her holding her growing belly, and then later on little Midori. He thinks about the happiness she and Kaze shared together. And then he thinks about how it all came crashing down. He remembers the tears, the cries of despair as she is cast out of Hoshido without a chance of seeing her family again. He thinks of Kaze's anger and grief, the little cries of Midori. How a happy family was shattered just for Nohrian sympathy. That is when he realizes there is no place for him and Niles. 

"We can't keep doing this." Subaki finally said. 

Niles's expression was one of shock, before it morphed into confusion. The outlaw had finally opened his heart to someone, only to be rejected once again. "What about the future we talked about? The running away? Starting a family? That mean nothing now?" 

Subaki's voice was similarly of masked indifference. "Lady Corrin started a family in Hoshido. It didn't mean anything. And I'm not turning my back on Hoshido. So yes, it doesn't mean anything now." "

That's fair," Niles's response was terse. "Not like I can leave Nohr anyway." I was ready to leave it all for you. But if this is how you feel, Lord Leo and Odin are all I got...

"Is that all you have to say?" Subaki asked. You're really just going to let me walk away? Please, tell me we can make this work. Tell me to run away with you, and I'll come with you. 

"What the fuck do you want from me? Why ask this now when you don't want this anymore?" snapped Niles.

"I just wanted to know what all this meant to you. The antagonizing, the teasing, the way you convinced me to open, our... activities together. What was the meaning of it all?" Tell me you believe in us. Make me stay. Ask me to stay with you. 

Niles wanted so badly to tell Subaki that they could let both kingdoms burn for all he cared. He wanted to take the sky knight to run away and never look back. But who was he kidding? Subaki was unattainable for someone like him. If he wasn't good enough for all his Nohrian flings, there was no hope to attain Subaki. It was a mistake to have let his heart open this much. In truth, he was afraid. Afraid of taking chances, afraid of going in too deep. It was better to end it now before it hurt more in the long run.

"Fine." Niles's reply was barbed. "It was all just a game to me. You weren't anything special."

"A game...?" Subaki's voice was one of uncharacteristic distress. "This was a game to you?! How many times we could have been caught and executed was all a game to you?!"

"What can I say," shrugged Niles, "It's the thrill of avoiding getting caught and playing with fire." stop doing this stop hurting him it’s not true you know that

Subaki was silent for a moment before speaking again, unable to hide his hurt. "I thought maybe you weren't so bad, but I guess you are as heartless as people say you are. If not worse."

"Well sorry to ruin your fantasy. Welcome to the real world." Niles sneered.

"Then I'm glad it's over... Nohrian scum." Subaki finally turned away, almost spitting out those last lines. Niles watched him storm out and take off with his pegasus. He waited for the redhead to leave before heading over to his own horse and taking off into the night.

I knew it… I was never going to be worth standing next to him.

Never going to be good enough for him.

Not someone as filthy as me...

I guess I was just deluding myself to think we could have been more.. that we could have had more…