Chapter 6 ABD Commentary

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Irene, Subaki, Ignatius, Kanaki, Kanaze

Irene: New Year, same nonsense. Let's just get to it.

"No, my lord; our spy in Castle Krakenburg has not reported for quite some time."

Velouria: *suddenly spits out a glass of water* Wait, what?!

Leliel: Eh?

Velouria: Didn’t the last chapter not even have enough Nohrian currency to outfit one ninja for a scouting mission?! And they’re running active espionage?!

*beat*

Azalin: *sneer of disgusted bemusement* It is apparent that this outline of Hoshido has learned much strategic knowledge from Vlad Drakov. The neighbor of mine who found himself replaced by a woman, because the original be both uncouth, and a moron. Exactly what be your plan for outfitting messengers to and from said spies, mayhap? Saying that they are Nohrians very loudly? How may I work this device?

Subaki: And this is why we were raising our eyebrows at who put Captain Baka in charge of the border. Not a good look for us.

"So we're just going to go into another decade long stalemate? We need a permanent solution!"

"You don't 'solve' a kingdom, you just learn to live with them. As long as we have a stalemate, we have peace."

Azalin: *suppresses a snort* Please, children, tell yourselves that. Have not you heard of border skirmishes, or cold war?

Jude: And blatantly untrue. Tell me, which country is being protected by a, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, a barrier explicitly meant to deter military assaults because it was the only way to stop the war Nohr still wants?

Velouria: There is being overconfident, and then there is denial of the basic fact of something you just mentioned not three seconds ago. Idiots.

Kanaki: Also way to make Hoshido look bad in refusing to share resources or something like peace treaties. This feels like a cop-out to justify Nohr's invasion.

Ignatius: All mentioned tensions are generally more potentially interesting concepts than what's offered in here.

"My lord, Saizo has returned from Nohr."

"So soon? Did he establish communication with Kaze?"

Velouria: *jaw drops*

Kay: It was an official mission? And they still didn’t have a disguise? Despite, presumably, knowing about it?

Leliel: … Some people in the comments thought I may have been a bit harsh on Captain Baka. I say that this proves that he either was that dumb, or everyone else in the communication chain forgot to tell him. Neither speaks well of intellect in Hoshido.

Kanaki: This is also why my sister said that there should have been Dimmer Light points. Sure Captain Baka is one guy, but his position reflects poorly on the rest of Hoshido, such as well, whoever put him in charge of the border.

"The older or younger one?"

"Neither, my lord; this is someone new."

"Our spies have never reported a fifth royal child," said a general

Azalin: …why not?

Kana: You apparently skipped the first couple chapters - can’t blame you - so she was hidden away in a fortress separate from the rest of Nohr-

Azalin: Do not presume what I do not know, child!

*Kana squeaks and hides behind a very unapproving Jude*

Azalin: …I did read that, before I chose to read not more lest my memory as a lich become a curse. She was kept in a hidden fortress - but her siblings-by-law regularly paid visit, as did most forces in the army. I would think, mayhap, this Kaze would hear rumor of whom they were visiting.

*beat*

Kay: …does this author have a thing against spies? Because every actual spy involved has been really bad at their job.

Kanaze: You'd think they could put two and two together that their missing princess could, I don't know, be hidden in Nohr considering that's who captured her to begin with!

Irene: I would say DDI doesn't know how to write spies, this is more of writer incompetence over anything malicious towards spies, Hanlon's Razor and all that.

Jude: …I am beginning to agree with Kay. How, in the name of all that is holy, do you not pick up that the mysterious resident of a highly secure fortress is someone important, like, say, your own queen’s kidnapped daughter?!

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 81

Azalin: Forget not that, seemingly, no soldier recognized Mikoto’s daughter. Including one of her heir’s own vassals, when he by all presumption has seen at least pictures of her.

Ignatius: This isn't helped by the fact that apparently Grandmother had portraits of Not-Mother on display, as mentioned later.

Subaki: What is with the incompetence of Hoshido? It feels like they're asking for an invasion.

"Hey, do you mind speaking actual words? I don't speak gibberish."

Azalin: …do they have translation spells or magic items that may bear them?

Leliel: Um, I don’t think so?

Azalin: Damn. I was soon to suggest putting one in the largest maggot corpse I could find and stuffing it into her inner ear so she may understand. With a heated spike. Do not insult the language of anyone, let alone your captors, you alcoholic bigot.

Kanaze: Look, this added language barrier thing could work as something that adds more depth to the Hoshidan-Nohrian tensions. This, however, is not how to do that.

Kanaki: It's not cool to make characters act like complete bigots over not speaking the same language, DDI.

"Remove her shackles," he said to Saizo

Saizo was obviously surprised, though he doubted anyone who didn't know him for years would notice, still he acted without hesitation and quickly removed the bracelets from her wrists. She rubbed her wrists irritatingly, and looked at him with question

"So...as long as we're being generous, do my you mind giving back my sword too? And armor. And some wine if you have any."

Leliel: *Ryoma* “Actually, it was so your hands were out of the way of your stomach.” And then he punched her in the torso so hard it broke a rib.

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 48

Jude: …I should be disturbed by that mental image. Why am I not disturbed by that mental image?

Velouria: Because frankly, she’d go for the knife. I am disturbed by unleashing an obviously hostile prisoner, no matter who she is.

Irene: Ugh, give her an inch and she takes a mile. Also, please for the love of gods, shut up about wine. No sane human asks for that much.

Ignatius: Let's just be lucky she's no Tai Lung, if he had been let loose, there would be a massacre.

"That...will have to be waiting for now," he responded in Nohrian, as well as he could, "There is someone you need to introduce to. She can teach things better than I can."

She burst out laughing, "Uhm...okay...I don't really know how to mock that, I think you did all the work for me."

Kay: … Uh. What was funny?

Leliel: I think it was the bad grammar, but this fic has such poor grammar on the author’s behalf that it took me a few reads to notice Ryoma’s misused tenses. And once again, I can only think of this as a worse version of Three Houses, because Petra Macneary is way funnier with the verbal typos and idiom confusion, white-coded (Irish, to be precise - she doesn’t have the accent, but her name checks out) enough where it doesn’t come off as mildly racist, and, oh yeah, was not raised from birth in the expectation that as future queen she would often receive diplomats from a nearby foreign power and maybe should have learned their language well enough to use grammar properly, dumbass.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 84 (There is ‘still learning,’ of course, but Petra was a generation removed from inheriting the throne of Brigid and wasn’t expected as an heir until her father died when she was 11, and her grasp of the language is good enough to be grammatically correct, it just has syntax issues. This is pathetic.)

Wanderer2691: Side note: I’m actually Irish-descended myself, and as awkward as it is, I find Petra pretty damn funny - mostly because it ties into her character arc about gradually fitting in, and because unlike really bad takes on the “person who speaks language hilariously badly” archetype, she actually is shown to get better over time. Thing is, she’s speaking pretty adeptly by the time she’s an adult - which Ryoma should be himself. So, really pathetic.

Subaki: It also helps that her classmates gently correct Petra on her mistakes instead of treating like the butt of jokes because "haha bad grammar funny."

Also unlike her father's throne room, defense was practically nonexistent. It appeared the Hoshidans prefered form over function; not exactly what she would call a winning strategy.

Leliel: …not so much the apparent expectation that fighting will be done in a throne room, as opposed to that being a good sign your side is already losing and it’s time to evacuate.

*chorus of groans*

Wanderer2691: As much as Fire Emblem is a fan of setting boss fights in the throne room of the main villain, those maps are generally the throne room and the castle surrounding it, with the throne itself being, well, a big chair. This wasn’t a needed change at all, and is just confusing.

Kanaki: Is this a dig at the penultimate and final maps for Birthright and Conquest? This feels like a dig towards those maps.

And right in front of her, sitting on the majestic throne, was...someone who looked very, very tired. Sure, she was very elegant, with the long flowing dress and graceful frame, but her eyes were barely open and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Or weeks. Still, seeing her approach, she smiled sweetly at her, a look of overwhelming joy

Kana: Oooh, nooo….

Jude: This isn’t even me, a Nohrian patriot - this is Corringula.

Velouria: I already feel terrible for her…

Azalin: As do I. As much I desired my son to have more of a spine, to be this… uncouth would break what remnants of a heart I have.

Ryoma looked like he was about to say something to Corrin, but reconsidered and said something else to his lady ninja friend that she couldn't understand. The lady ninja nodded, and turned to Corrin, speaking with proper words

Kay: Case in point!

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 49 (Actively deciding that the queen is speaking Weird Foriegn Words is a step beyond even Ryoma’s insults, because it’s actively suicidal.)

"This is Queen Mikoto, the ruler of Hoshido."

Corrin looked at the woman sitting on the throne, "Wait, so this is the Mikoto bitch I heard so much about? Heh, you ain't looking so good, how's the wall holding up?" she laughed

Irene: And this is why I'm here and not Yoona. She would have had a draconic fit of well-deserved fury to see Mother so disrespected. Myself being a Nohrian patriot like Jude and Theresia, I personally have to say: show some respect to your ruler from a opposing country, especially when you are a captor, you disrespectful womanchild. *hisses draconically*

Velouria: So, basically - they were filler text. *realization* Like this POV switch!

Leliel: Not only that, but intrusive filler text. It’s just a waste of digital space for no good reason, and it makes the rest of the fic harder to read.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 86 (Fates has its narrative problems, but “waste of economy of text” isn’t one of them. Really, it could’ve been stretched out a bit - which this doesn’t actually do, since the plot does not move forward at all.)

Kanaze: I broke my brain several times trying to comprehend it before realizing I was wasting my time. Trying to make sense of filler is like trying to find meaning from Shakespeare writing "What, you egg?"

The arrows came in waves, blocking out the brightness of the moon.

Soldiers fell from all around her. Father collapsed on the ground in front of her, arrows littered over his body like the grass on a summer day. He's cold...cold…

Kay: So here, Corrin saw her father die in an ambush. That’s...dark.

Velouria: … I like it. It’s genuinely horrifying and traumatic enough to have blocked out the memory without use of magic.

Ignatius: It's really too bad this was written during DDI's edgy teenage phase, because we can see little bits of potential that actually humanizes Corringula.

Mikoto nodded, "Nobody has been in this room for years. I didn't want a single thing moved."

Azalin: *nod of approval* This sentiment I like. Illogical, perchance, but the illogic of a grieving parent, particularly one as stressed as Mikoto would be. I do much the same.

Kay: That…is creepy, but yeah. Pretty human. This part’s good, as is most of this.

Subaki: Actually not that illogical. It's quite common for grieving parents to leave their deceased children's bedrooms untouched. Corringula may not have been dead, but being lost to Nohr is probably close enough.

Memories rushed through her mind, painfully digging up things that had long been buried. It was like reliving every moment all at once. She remembered watching from a window awaiting Ryoma's return from battle, she could see the crude picture on the ground that she and Hinoka drew of their family, and she remembered the day that her father took her to work...the last time she would see any of this. Everything was confused in her head as the new memories clashed with the old, everything running through her mind at once, like a typhoon of conflicting emotions.

"I'm...I'm fine," she said, pushing Mikoto's hand off her shoulder, "I remembered...something...no, it was probably a fever or something…"

Kana: This too! Even though she’s remembering her old connection with her family, she’s still defensive! No points here, this is a legit reaction.

Mikoto sighed, "Of course...Kamui, I will be sending a message to your siblings throughout town to tell them the news, and I was hoping we might all have dinner tonight. Like a real family. If...you think that's appropriate…"

"...You know what, fine, but on one condition; anyone calls me 'Kamui' again, and I cut them in half."

*approving atmosphere evaporates*

Kana: This isn’t. Thanks for reminding us you’re still Corringula, you sour old jerk…

Wanderer2691: She knows herself as Corrin, but she has eight years worth of memories where she was Kamui. She can certainly prefer the Nohrian name but - holy shit, that threat was not needed…

Kanaki: We were so close... so close to having an actual sympathetic protagonist... That reaction to her room was genuinely a humanizing moment, only to have a thrown away with the following line.

Kanaze: Here, I can fix it. "You know what, fine, but on one condition; don't call me 'Kamui,' that girl is long gone." It's still kinda harsh, but at least she doesn't sound like a complete sociopath.

Irene: And that's a wrap for Chapter 6. Yoona and Taeyeon will cover the next chapter, featuring cross-references from Clover's own spitefic where she writes in her own setting how the meal went.