4leavesonaclover

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

Current Rotation: Benny, Irene, Yoona, Subaki, Taeyeon

Subaki: Well, the room is a complete mess and my children are recovering from their draconic rages. And yet somehow, we're still sparing them from even worse.

Yoona: Yeah... a certain scene was more than enough for us to step up and take control of this chapter. We need to spare at least some part of what's left of their innocence.

Corrin was convinced that the Hoshidans didn't know how to design a building that wasn't beautiful until she saw the inside of their prison.

Theresia: *groan* It’s all coming back…

Caim: Eh? It seems snarky, but honestly a bit bright and nice for my tastes-

After seeing nothing but wooden buildings and paper walls, she was somewhat surprised the first time she was placed in her cell and surrounded by proper masonry and stonework.

Caim: …’proper’ masonry? What is she blathering on about?

Evidently they did not feel the need to beautify their prisons and were able to focus entirely on the strength of the wall for once. Under better circumstances, she probably would have felt more at ease having somewhat familiar architecture surrounding her if it weren't for the fact she was stuck in a deep, dark basement with no way out.

Caim: …A prison would have been more familiar to her?

Jude: You didn’t listen to the full explanation of the writers - this woman is incalculably racist against Hoshidans, to the point where it seems to be her only consistent political motivation. This resembles the kind of hellhole everyone in your world would think is excessive so she is…well, comfortable is too soft an emotion, so less of a hate-filled ball of entitlement.

Irene: This whole edgy spiel about liking a prison for it's "proper masonry and stonework" along with her mocking her past self for drawing is really adding to the toxic masculinity obsession.

She felt that she was moderately justified to be a little surprised when her sword developed a mind of its own and started butchering people.

Leliel: It might be a sign of how hypervigiliant this fic has made me against Corringula that I immediately went ‘of course, surprise is all she felt’ instead of ‘bad joke.’ I’m also going to err on the side of caution here, because I believe even the most violence-happy sorts would start freaking out if their weapons suddenly started acting with minds of their own without warning.

Benny: Unfortunately, Teen DDI thinks empathy is for the weak and therefore makes Corringula look sociopathic.

The ninja slammed on the wall of the cell, causing an audible clang to resonate across the room. His voice, in contrast, spoke with an even coolness that didn't fit with his body language, making it somehow more intimidating than if he had been yelling. "A ninja...was sent to Krakenburg...he was discovered, you've met him…" Suddenly the pieces were clicking into place in her mind, "This ninja...my brother, Kaze...where is he?"

His brother…

"...I sent him to Hell."

Wanderer2691: This, on the other hand? *flips bird*

Jude: Quite. I understand the action, knowing it’s a plan, but holy shit woman, poking the Faceless like this when the person has knives is moronic!

Azalin: Not to mention - I see that Her Serenity, champion of the common people, feels not one iota of thought towards a man who she has left brotherless. As part of a ridiculous proving rite.

Caim: I don’t claim to regret the orphans I’ve made, but even I felt some sympathy discovering the Empire’s soldiers acted so robotically because the Watchers had brainwashed them into blind, mindless faith. I would have killed them for being in the way, but neither would I have born anyone seeking vengeance a grudge for it! It’s war, it spreads pain!

Theresia: You may think we’re being overly harsh, but as far as we can tell, Corringula completely forgets Kaze existed after this until reminded. So no, we aren’t chalking this up to “being vicious for a plan”, this is her normal nature that happens to be somehow effective in this particular instance.

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 107

Taeyeon: But for Corringula, it was Tuesday. However, as this is my husband you're talking about and the children aren't here, I hope Ganglari deepthroats you later, you soulless bitch.

Not the reaction I was expecting...but still, doesn't really matter. She thought to herself, and looked down with a grin at the small knife grasped tightly in her hand. I got what I needed in the end…

Caim: And all you needed to do was be the kind of shameless manipulator and earlier murderer people want me to kill. And what even were you expecting, knives to be thrown at you? That certainly will be lost on both him and his witness, idiot.

Azalin: As well as the fact that Kagero, a ninja, is likely trained to look for pickpocketing techniques. So you show your father’s planning inability twice over!

Irene: It says a lot about how desensitized this fic has made us that "of course she doesn't expect one's vigilant ninja brother to react violently." Not to mention how stupid her plan was. What would you have done, Your Oh-So-Cunning, should he have stabbed you like he should have? The only reason he didn't was plot armour.

Wanderer2691: …and it’s with that real-world context and putting inconsistencies and the general gist of what the plot means that things really line up - Hoshido ending up slaughtering way more soldiers in Birthright with all the Rout maps? An indicator alongside the lack of facetime given to the Nohrian uniques being rapidly slaughtered, and the general feel is that of genuine blindness to consequences on the Hoshidan end. Hoshido ending up having nearly all of its retainers be nobility while Nohr scarcely cares for who fights, as long as they can? Distinct between even the katakana/kanji readings of the original cast. The fact Hoshido doesn’t even know Nohr is starving and using that as a motive? Hints of near-total ignorance coming from them over the status of events here. And hell, the fact King Garon and his cronies (Iago and Hans) are borderline-irredeemably cartoonish lunatics? Entirely sensible given Anankos possessed Garon - Anankos, batshit insane dragon who degenerated to misanthropy - and it makes sense that Garon would openly hire a scheming traitor and a serial killer for his army, an arrangement that also had the Nohrian royals effectively lovebombed in order to keep them obedient - to the point a major part of the Royals character development was built around them justifying their actions before deciding to never justify it anymore. Fates has a lot of these aspects that, if you choose to take the context away from how the game presents it to actual references in real-world history and detail, makes a startling amount of sense.

Caim: …but isn’t the reason for that simply due to how flawed Fates’ was written? I don’t care about that world if it isn’t mine, but part of the reason why it was so panned was owed to the contrivances and sheer blistering pace + the way it was presented.

Wanderer2691: Oh, absolutely. But here’s where I ask: if Death Dealer Inc. was so keen on wanting to write Nohr in a more sympathetic light and Hoshido in a more grey light, why not use these CANON elements to the story’s benefit?

*palpable silence*

Leliel: *gets it* …holy shit. It’s at this point, I’m wondering if reading of the TV Tropes character sheet for characterization is the least of the issues the author had with paying attention to the canon.

IT’S BEEN OVER FOUR YEARS, DAMNIT: 35

Yoona: That's one of my big regrets about my choice in path. I thought overthrowing Garon would be enough for peace, but didn't stop to think that Nohr was a victim in all this too. I've since learned about the consequences of my ignorance, as the Nohrian populace hold the deaths of their loved ones against me, and rightfully so.

Subaki: Darling, please don't be so hard on yourself. I will admit, there is a tragedy of misunderstanding. To be fair, the games themselves don't necessarily do a good job of presenting the gray-on-grey morality (Conquest could have really benefitted from them focusing on Nohr's struggles over the convoluted plot to get Garon on the Hoshidan throne), but between the half-assed game knowledge and additional edge, this fic really does not improve on what's given.

"Shapechangers," an advisor said with disgust, "Who will we be enlisting next? Nohrians?"

Jude: And I tilt my head at the continuing inability to be anything other than “racist” when it comes to a darker Hoshido…

A DIMMER LIGHT: 49

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 35

Taeyeon: For the record, no one has ever blinked an eye at Kaden (or Keaton for that matter) joining the ranks. The only main issue is the fact that poachers sometimes come for the fur, but you don't see that being addressed.

"Idiot, what do you think happens if all the Nohrians die?" Said a general, "The Nohrians make up half our workforce. We need them producing food, it would take more time than we have to find a suitable replacement."

Jude: …excuse me, what?

"We should have gotten rid of them 15 years ago after they murdered our king. Mikoto paid the price for our lack of foresight. We can use these riots to our advantage, take care of the issue before they cause another catastrophe. We have enough grain stored to survive a few years without their labor. It would be a price worth paying if it kept the Nohrians from murdering other heads of state."

Jude: Over half of the farmers and craftsmen are Nohrians, also known as ‘palefaces’ due to their near-albinism in this fic, and Corringula didn’t notice?!

Azalin: Do…do the professions of “street sweeper”, “scullery maid”, “rat catcher”, and “mail carrier” not exist? Or are we to assume half the Shirasagi workforce is banned from visible professions?

Theresia: Or, given how the color of Nohrians depends largely on author memory, that they are completely transparent due to not being visible at all? Actually, now that I think about it, I was wondering why the nice man maintaining the chamber pots was a ghost!

Irene: I was under the impression that Corringula didn't care, seeing that she gatekeeps Nohrianness. Maybe she's just that ignorant.

Benny: For that matter, how was Hoshido getting by if that much of the working class were Nohrian? Were the nobility running on invisible workers before the Nohrians came?

As a swordswoman, she was used to using her peripheral vision to take in information, and she used that to analyze her new arrival without actually looking at him. He was a young boy, much younger than the stone faced goliath he was replacing, and judging by the deference he showed to someone of the same rank, very unsure of himself.

Perfect…

*beat*

Wanderer2691: …Oh shit.

Leliel: Ditto.

Azalin: She is plotting to…I am glad for not having a stomach to be nauseous with…

Caim: Um, what are you talking-

She grinned while grasping the ninja's blade hidden underneath her shift. Practically a key in the right hands. All she needed was to get him close.

"Oi! You there!" She called out to him, "Think I could get a bucket of water?" She said in the best Hoshidan she could muster, calling upon her 6-years worth of childhood memories. The boy scrunched up his face with effort, determined to mimic the cold hearted warrior he replaced. "Didn't you hear me? A bit of water isn't too greedy, is it?"

Taeyeon: Ok, first of all, how is she even able to speak this much Hoshidan? The previous few chapters gave the impression that she knew next to nothing, given how she didn't understand what Ryoma and Takumi were saying. Second, WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS THERE A YOUNG, INEXPERIENCED GUARD BEING STATIONED TO SUPERVISE A REGICIDE ACCOMPLICE?

Benny: My guess for the second is "the plot needed a way to advance."

"I'm...I'm not supposed to talk to you!"

Corrin laughed, light-heartedly to set him at ease, "Why? Do you think I'm dangerous?" She said with an innocent face. She wasn't sure if he could see her face in all the darkness, so she made a point to raise the pitch of her voice to mimic someone much younger.

*long pause*

Caim: Oh fuck me. She’s going to…

Theresia: Yes, she is.

Caim: And she is…

Leliel: In her twenties. Which means this guard she’s seducing her way to freedom with is, at most, a teenager.

Yoona: Oh EW EW EWWWWW. Any charitable idea of her sinking into desperation to get out is immediately shot down by the fact that she seduces him like it's her average Tuesday.

Subaki: This entire scene is exactly why the children aren't here. I'm glad their eyes are spared, but displeased mine aren't.

"You're a lifesaver," she said, taking the bucket of water and pretending to relish the hydration, "I thought I was going to die in here. What's your name?"

"Uhm, Jacob."

Jude: …and he’s Nohrian, too?!

Leliel: Actually, going by the rest of the chapter, no. He’s just a Hoshidan with a weirdly Nohrian name. Given how prejudiced this Hoshido is against ‘palefaces’, this actually makes sense, given how no paleface would be allowed to guard a Nohrian assassin, but I do wonder how he got that name instead of a more clearly Not!Japanese one.

Benny: Mostly likely because DDI didn't bother going to Behind the Name to pick a more Hoshidan-sounding name.

Theresia: *slowly* The only reason Corringula is alive…

Jude: …and was able to escape…

Caim: …was because this woman dragged him off to lecture him for what had to be an entire guard shift about using hands rather than a knife to kill her.

Leliel: Pretty much!

Taeyeon: This part is so stupid that I wouldn't be surprised if DDI didn't know what to put in for this part, skipped the scene, and then came out and churned out whatever his teenage brain could think on the spot.

Irene: Well that finished faster than I thought. Thank goodness. See you next chapter while things continue to go off the deep end.

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

Current Rotation: Caeldori, Kanaki, Ignatius, Kanny, Kanaze

Ignatius: Ugh, it's not a pleasure to be back here.

Caeldori: Same here, but our parents said we're sporking this chapter, no ifs or buts about it. They saw the next chapter and immediately decided on parental controls.

Kanaze: Well, there's no direction to go but down, so shall we?

"A fair question, with a sadly complicated answer," she spoke evenly and calmly, Corrin would even call her stoic,

Keaton: And I would call Corrin’s continuing redundancy and stating of the obvious over the course of this fic since the beginning to be massively annoying. *pause* … That was painful to get out…

Kanny: Careful! You might get the Bad Dialogue Flu from Bring Me All Your Elderly! In which the Avatar: The Last Airbender animated cast try to fix the crappy Shyamalan movie and get so afflicted with the redundancy of the script that they get sick.

"Azura...I think I heard Sakura mention that name at some point. Who are you exactly?"

Wanderer2691: Narratively speaking, the proper main character. While any Corrin has a lot of characterization, it’s Azura who is the driver of the plot a lot of the time.

Leliel: The problem is, she’s distinctly linked to Anankos, being his niece. Since he, and Valla in general, are gone, she’s kind of up shit creek without a paddle - unless she’s been given a new narrative role.

Charlotte: Given how lazy this fic is about deviating from canon? I’m tempted to replace her with a scarecrow, it’d have as much agency.

Kanaki: Generally, some fics that scrap the whole Valla plot are smart enough to scrap Azura's (and Corrin for that matter) existence, which at least works better than crowbarring in a less relevant character.

"Yes, roughly that. Though I suppose nobody ever lied to me about it. That's the only significant difference I can think of at the moment."

Leliel: Two hours of conversation later, a very pale Azura returned to her room, sobbed in terror for about ten minutes, and decided she could think of several more.

Charlotte: Two hours? That’s a big damn overshoot if I ever heard one.

Kanny: Yeah, you'd think that the joke of an introduction, the miserable excuse of a dinner, and the dangerous incident in the Nohrian slums would have clued Aunt Azura in. She's withdrawn, not ignorantly sheltered!

Leliel: *slowly removes pillow* … There are two potential reasons for this. One, the more uncharitable, states that this is because Azura is hot, and her being realistically melatonin-deficient would ruin the author’s image of her. However, I think the more likely is that, as we’ll see, the author is pathologically afraid of rewrites.

Azalin: I be thinking of the last chapter’s note. There was a great deal of justification involved there, and that was the first time we noticed that Nohrians be pale folk…

Leliel: Precisely. I think this author has a similar bad habit to mine, where they notice flaws in previous work, but don’t want to change them - so they make a contrivance that allows them to keep the previous chapter, but somehow account for the critique.

Wanderer2691: Big difference you have, though? You actually read what you wrote before to avoid breaking your own rules.

Kanaze: To be fair, DDI admits to not having read from front to back so this gets a "dumb teenager" pass.

"Calm, serene, joyful, generous. A child without care for the world's darker side, without any maliciousness in her being or pride in her step."

*everyone winces*

Wanderer2691: As Leliel likes to point out, this makes me sad - both for Kamui for growing up into this screaming berserk, and for the fic of Corrin coming to terms with how she’s been abused we could have had.

"Going to be honest, the kid you're describing sounds like a real tool. What did she do for fun when she wasn't being a saint?"

Azalin: Well, that was a quick before and after comparison…

Charlotte: *Azura* “Being more tolerable than you, that’s for sure.”

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 91

"I believe she would typically draw, and...I'm not certain what else. Details are vague."

"You don't think they might have been idealizing a bit? This kid sounds way too boring to actually exist."

Kana: *Corringula* “Everybody knows the place of real kids is in the corner and crying!”

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 92

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 32 (Literally mocking the idea of a happy childhood or sweet kids.)

Kanaki: Yeah, how dare kids be nice and normal in the beginning!

Caeldori: Mocking childhood innocence aside, saying that a little artist is "way too boring to actually exist" seems like another "grrrr manly Nohrian no care for girly art" moment. *muttering to self* (How does Mother do that?)

Ignatius: Yeah, in the omegaverse setting? Corrin is mostly still the same, being an introvert who loves books, but was more outdoorsy and adventurous as a child in Hoshido. Then as a result of growing up isolated and having her memories forcibly erased, she became more withdrawn, which creates enough change that there's dissonance between who she is now and what her birth family still thinks of her to be.

"Look little girl, I've seen enough blood to know that it all looks the same. It's all red, and you only ever see it when things have gone horribly wrong for the person holding it. It keeps the body pumping and makes a big mess when it gets spilled, and beyond that I don't see any reason to attach any sentimental value to it. True family is the people who have been there with you through thick and thin. They're the ones who make you feel warm when the world seems cold; the people you grow with, train with, eat with, you fight with and laugh with over the stupidest little things. That's family to me."

Kanaze: First of all, calling Aunt Azura "little girl" is an incredibly patronizing way of talking to her. Second, really graphic way of talking about blood, I'd be really freaked out if someone talked about it like Corringula does. Third, does peer pressuring murder count on the family list?

"Those memories are barely even mine. I have them, but I don't see myself in them. I see...that kid that we were talking about, a kid that I don't know. She's a complete stranger to me. Who she considered family has no impact on me. Tell me, you consider all these people here family, right? Would that change if you suddenly were dropped back in Nohr with the people you supposedly share blood with?"

Theresia: *poking her head in* This is all logic I have gone through, but the difference is that unlike this Corrin, I felt I could trust my siblings farther than I could throw them - and given how little Garon interacted with me or her, Mikoto has more of a claim to family under her logic.

Kanny: See, there are genuinely good, canon-compliant ways to approach Mama's decision. Unfortunately, it's lost in all the edge.

"Oh, well, that explains why you weren't at dinner, with the rest of your family."

Wanderer2691: … This isn’t, though!

A DIMMER LIGHT: 31

Leliel: Seriously. While Azura is introduced separately from the Hoshidan royals, it’s noted that she’s mostly a loner by nature, and more importantly, that particular dinner was introducing Corrin to her blood family. Here, Azura would have confused matters, and while logically speaking, a Nohrian being present would have helped calm her down, Mikoto was not being rational. She wants a return to her Kamui, and Azura is living proof she can’t, and Azura probably knows that! If that wouldn’t cause a loner to withdraw further, nothing would!

Kanaki: Which is why Aunt Azura was actually present during Clover's version of the dinner, even if she didn't say much. That's because she felt like she was intruding on the family bonding and chose to remain quiet to let Corrin be the centre of attention, as much as Corrin hates it, Aunt Azura doesn't know about that.

Shirasagi Castle

Sakura

Keaton: While back with the moeblob…

Caeldori: On one hand, I'm glad that Father doesn't have to see this. On the other, I'm not pleased that I do.

She always knew that her life was easier than others, but had always assumed everyone else still had reasonable lives mainly because she couldn't envision an unhappy one.

Azalin: Because, as all right-thinking folk know, a doctor has never experienced suffering in others. *disbelieving skull tilt*

Charlotte: … I see where this is going, and I don’t like it. They are going to make it so that Hoshido stunted her development emotionally for… various reasons. To once again contrast them with Nohr, which really kinda makes me like Hoshido more - spoiling children is done by better people than brainwashing children.

Wanderer2691: Not according to this author, though!

A DIMMER LIGHT: 32

Ignatius: Back to counterspite characterization, Aunt Sakura is actually one of the first of pick up that Corrin is unhappy living in Hoshido. That's actually what connects the two of them and is also why Aunt Sakura calls out her family for throwing Corrin out because she was one of the few people who understood that just because Corrin was "home" didn't mean she was happy.

"Five Hoshidans are dead, Sakura, sons of noble families. Murder is a capital crime, that can't be changed." Yukimura had explained the situation to her. After the guards had arrived, they began arresting every Nohrian within sight and accusing them all of cold-blooded murder. The three of them had been safely escorted to the castle, while the rest were captured and locked away, pending trial. A trial that, as Yukimura explained, would likely end in execution hours after they began.

Azalin: …as plausible as this is for a feudal society, I be seeing the emerging shape of illogic…

"But they were just defending themselves! They were defending me and Kamui! Surely that counts for something!"

"Not in the eyes of the noble houses," Yukimura sighed

Kana: *Sakura* “So… Mother’s going to tell them where they can stick their concerns?”

Leliel: *Yukimura* “If we lived in a fic with logic, we’d likely have our first Nohrian immigrant retainers in about two minutes, but sadly, the author wishes to demonstrate their deep half-remembered knowledge of medieval politics they read in A Song of Ice and Fire first.”

Kanaze: Today's law in Japan about self-defense states that Under Article 36 of the Japanese Penal Code, self-defense is narrowly defined:

Self-defense is permissible only to protect yourself or others from imminent and unlawful harm.
The response must be unavoidable and proportionate to the threat. Which I would imagine a bunch of young men casually swinging swords at the royalty counts as. And before one decides to get banal about how ancient times were different, this post addresses that self-defense was a valid justification even back then.

Kanny: But who cares when Encyclopedia Trustmebro exists!

Azalin: YOU ARE GIVING IMPLICIT APPROVAL FOR NOBLES TO ATTACK ROYAL FAMILY MEMBERS! THIS KIND OF PARDON RESTRICTION IS FORGIVING ATTEMPTS AT REGICIDE!

Wanderer2691: Actually, no, this is entirely an anti-totalitarian law! We all know how much the authority of bodyguards needs to be curbed!

Leliel: “Your Honor, the defendant, Sir McMeatshield, did throw himself in the way of the late Stabby von Evilstein, but you have to understand, it is Baron von Evilstein’s right to seek justice for the crime done to his son in the process of Stabby committing a worse one. It is the right of royal houses to commit treason, lest we collapse into autocratic tyranny.” Can anyone spot the issue with this?!

Charlotte: Honestly, the more I read this, the more I think that the author is a one-writer cargo cult of grimdark; mimicking its writing tropes without actually giving a moment’s thought worth to them. It’s not just depressing - it’s incoherent. Just because it happened in a book you liked does not mean putting it in another setting automatically keeps the good! “Great artists steal” means that really skilled writers are informed by tropes, not just regurgitating word vomit!

Ignatius: Given what we know about DDI now, an ill-informed edgy teenager sloppily replicating what he saw in other edgy fiction explains a lot about this mess.

"Postpone the trial then." A third voice entered the conversation that Sakura recognized immediately

"Subaki! I thought I had given you and Hana time off, what are you doing here?"

Charlotte: Down the hall, Orochi is stashing away poison with an evil grin.

"We came back as soon as we heard you had been in a scuffle. Hana is beside herself with worry. I am too, if we're being honest, but I figure you would appreciate my assistance more than my worry."

Kana: *Subaki* “Though given how the author hates my people doing things, worry is all I can do without it going wrong.”

Caeldori: Oh look, it's Father's brief moment of screentime before he gets brutally fridged to advance the stupid Hans "redemption arc." Also known as "DDI forgot about Aunt Sakura's retainers and awkwardly put in one cameo and awkward mention of the previous chapters' events. (While also not even bothering with Aunt Hana.)"

"Well, a trial can't legally go forward until all evidence has been accounted for, and witnesses count as evidence," explained Subaki, "So if we inform the magistrate that we have two witnesses right here, they wouldn't be able to lawfully go to trial until those two have given their statements. From there it would be simple to contrive reasons for why either of them can't leave the castle or receive visitors."

Kanaki: While I would consider it plausible that Papa knows about the (frankly flawed) court system, Aunt Sakura is the one that's usually guiding him on things, not the other way around. In fact, their entire support chain is her advising Papa not to overextend and push himself too hard.

"That's stupid," said Corrin, "You're cutting yourself off from an entire tree of magic. Why, because it looks scary? Clothes are pretty unnatural too but people seem just fine with those, outside the bedroom."

Wanderer2691: Ugh, this kind of logical fallacy. Clothes are artificial, swords are artificial - but the entire purpose of a shirt is not to stab people. When people are talking about an inanimate object being unnatural, they’re usually pointing at the harmful effects. If Dark Magic could only be used for torturing people to death, I’m not going to quibble with the legal description is technically shared with a concrete block. This is Corringula trying to be superior, pure and simple.

Kanny: Dumb teenager logic is really the only thing DDI- I mean Corringula can run on.

And now, that hypothetical child was no longer hypothetical nor a child. She was a grown woman standing right in front of her. She was now a person in her mind, not just an ideal. She was a person who was a contradiction in so many ways. She was loud and boisterous, yet concealed her thoughts under impenetrable layers. She cared for those beneath her, yet was vengeful and violent. She was confrontational and hateful, yet treated her with more intimacy and kindness than her family had in all the years she had known them.

She had been given everything Azura had been longing for her entire life, and was willing to give it all up so she wouldn't be left behind.

Caeldori: *shaking in her seat*

Kanaki: Uhhhh... Sis? You ok?

Caeldori: *shifts to a smaller dragon form than Yoona's*

Ignatius: EEP! EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES! *ducks under table*

Caeldori: WHAT KIND OF AUDACITY DO YOU HAVE, DDI, TO SHILL YOUR VILLAINOUS LEAD CHARACTER THIS MUCH?! YOU'VE ALREADY DEMONSTRATED HOW CASUAL SHE IS ABOUT MURDER! YOU'VE SHOWN HER TO HAVE NO SENSE OF RESPECT TO ANOTHER CULTURE! WHEN HAS SHE EVER CARED ABOUT ANYONE, MUCH LESS THOSE BENEATH HER?! WHEN HAS SHE EVER SHOWN INTIMACY OR KINDNESS TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY TO AUNT AZURA?! WE KNOW NOW YOU DIDN'T CONSIDER ANYONE THE HERO BUT WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?! *collapses back into her human form* Oh gods, I hardly ever do that...

Kanaze: Okay, moving on...

Keaton: As a recap, Garon, let’s point out a short list of all the things that had to go right for this to even have a chance to go right:

20. That all this, and whatever we didn’t cover, remains stable over 15 fucking years and change, with no unforeseen changes in the situation complicating matters even more.

Kanny: Ooh this list! We three Kanas actually thought up of even more just based on the content of this story alone! Kanaze, you got the list?

Kanaze: Right here! *Ahem*
21. Corrin not being murdered by any desperate, vengeful prisoners she "practices" with.
22. Or dying from STDs as a result of her sleeping around.
23. Or dying from alcohol poisoning, OR the withdrawal while in Hoshido.
24. Hans not being even more opportunistic and offing Corrin "accidentally" when he broke command.
25. Uncle Saizo not figuring out Papa's fate and quietly offing her in vengeance.

Ignatius: Of course, there's probably even more holes even we didn't account for.

Our chief writer (myself) would like to inform you that no employee in DeathDealer Inc. have ever played the Hoshido path or the Revelation path. While Hoshido will still be represented though the point of view of their characters, we ask our readers to forgive some misrepresentation as most of our information comes from TV Tropes.

Kanaki: *eye twitches*

Caeldori: Oh no... I don't have enough energy to rage about this, but my little brother... everyone retreat!

Kanaki: *shifts into his own dragon form* THAT'S NO EXCUSE TO NOT WATCH YOUTUBE LIKE WANDERER SAID, AND EVEN IF YOU USED TVTROPES, AUNT SAKURA HAS SILK HIDING STEEL AS A TROPE AND A LONG LIST OF EXAMPLES SHOWING HER STRENGTH! EVEN IF THAT DIDN'T EXIST BACK WHEN YOU WROTE A BRIGHTER DARK, THAT'S STILL NO EXCUSE TO TURN HER INTO A MOEBLOB!!

Kanny: Well, the room is a total flooded wreck now... um... any help with repairs for when our parents have a turn?

Current Mood: exhausted

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

Current Rotation: Subaki, Irene, Caeldori, Ignatius, Kaze

Irene: Welcome to A Dimmer Light, the chapter.

Kaze: Because of the character derailment of the majority of Hoshido, I as a native Hoshidan, will be stepping up to commentate on the character assassination of the nation.

Caeldori: I'm honestly jealous of my brother, even if he had to do two chapters in a row, at least he avoids this chapter.

Ignatius: Well, let's just get to it. The sooner we're through, the better.

"I'm bonding with my sister," she replied, reaching over to pat Sakura's terrified head, "You're the one who said we should take a walk outside, right sis?"

Azalin: *disgusted look* Not so much this, however…

Wanderer2691: Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER!

Leliel: Yeah, um… I’m a massively tactile person and am sometimes unaware of personal space, and just looking at this made me uncomfortable. Creepy toucher, thy name is Corringula.

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 81

Subaki: *visibly bristling in anger* To which Lady Sakura gently moves Corringula's hand off while firmly reminding her that boundaries and consent are important.

Caeldori: *sighs* Father is going to be in for a rough time as Aunt Sakura's retainer...

"Well it was a good idea. And since I love my sister oh so much, there's no one I would rather explore the great unknown with."

Jude: *queasy, pale* Not helping!

Velouria: Er… Can we renegotiate which daughter gets to sit this chapter out…?

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 82 (This technically isn’t a double point, since it’s separate from the pet - because, to be frank, it’d shoot up by four if I did do double points. Yikes. Poor Sakura...)

Subaki: Hana and I then step in to say that while Corringula may be Lady Sakura's long lost sister, she should also mind milady's boundaries. *grips his naginata tightly*

Ignatius: I feel queasy too, can we renegotiate which son sits out too?

Corrin crossed her arms, "I know the entire city can't look like this, so I have no intention of heading back anytime soon. Now, me and sister dear are going to go for a walk; you can head to the castle if you want and tell Mikoto how you misplaced her long lost daughter, or you can come along and not complain."

Velouria: Kagero proceeded to choose the third option - punch the arrogant brat in the face and drag her unconscious body back by the hair.

Irene: For someone who is supposed to be the "edgy, cooler" version of me, she somehow acts more childish than any of us. Between this and refusing a bath, I feel like Kagero is parenting a toddler here. I think our Kanas have acted more mature as toddlers than she has.

"Oh, uhm...I actually know that…" Sakura spoke up, "Yukimura told me...they're supposed to transport water and rice to everywhere in the city."

Kagero nodded, "Populace tend to be satisfied as long as they have easy access to food, water, and entertainment. In this way, peace can be maintained across the kingdom even in times of struggle. Water and rice are the bare necessities of living, so even those who aren't particularly well off have no fear of starving, and thus never feel need to lash out against authority."

Azalin: Bread and circuses, the two pillars of support for the velvet glove of power. I find myself in approval, for reasons I doubt my peers will mash a button for.

Wanderer2691: Hardly. This is actually a good way of showing Hoshido’s relative abundance, that there’s a regular food barge circuit to the rest of the city to help people avoid starving, and it’s free. There’s nothing sinister about it, it’s just good as a social safety net that also helps with stability.

Kaze: This is one of the few good moments of worldbuilding. A shame it gets derailed very soon...

Jude: In any case, Kagero admits the canals don’t go by the lower districts due to fear of contamination of the water, so naturally, Corrin wishes to see them. Kagero tries to persuade her otherwise, as it isn’t safe for nobility, and then-

"I'm...kind of curious, actually," Sakura stuttered out, "Now that Kamui...I mean, now that...Corrin brings it up...I haven't seen all that much of the city…"

"You haven't?" Corrin didn't bother to hide her surprise, "But, don't you live here? How could you not have seen your city?"

Velouria: That… is a very good question. Huh?

Wanderer2691: Seriously, one of the main differences between Sakura and Elise is that Sakura is the more world-wise one. Her issue is self-deprecation, not being naive. So the moment she’d hear about the lower district’s water problem, she’d promptly go down there and beat herself to a pulp trying to fix the source. Seriously, what gives?\

Irene: The part about the concern of water being "contaminated" combined with the way the Nohrians are treated, makes me concerned that this is more extra xenophobic Hoshido not wanting dirty Nohrians to touch their water.

Kaze: Lady Sakura is actually very involved, for example, she's met on the Birthright route helping the wounded, the Conquest route defending Fort Jinya, and being the first sibling to defect on Revelations. This is blatant infantilization of her character.

Caeldori: Well said, Uncle Kaze. In fact, on Conquest, she refuses to escape and leave Yukimura behind. Here is what she has to say about it:
Chapter 22 Beginning:

Yukimura: Milady, you must stop healing our soldiers and retreat. There isn't a moment to lose. Lord/Lady Corrin and his/her army are outside the fort, preparing for battle.
Sakura: Corrin's here? ...I see. Then I will j-join the fight.
Yukimura: You don't know what you're saying. You need to get back to the castle right—
Sakura: I WILL NOT LEAVE!
Yukimura: L-Lady Sakura?!
Sakura: I'm sorry, Yukimura. I know you're only looking out for me. But I'm no longer a powerless princess. I will f-fight for my kingdom. I refuse to leave these soldiers behind and be the only one who escapes! Please, Yukimura. P-please try to understand.

Vs Azura:
Sakura: After M-Mother died, I began training, so I could protect the ones I love. I won't let anyone get past me - not even you!
Vs Corrin:
Sakura: I know... And I know I probably can't w-win against you, either. But as a princess, I have to at least try to protect my kingdom! So, r-ready your sword. It's time to battle!

Ignatius: Alas, we have to deal with the fact that DDI is judging books by their cover. Aunt Sakura is a cute little sister, so she MUST be a moeblob, right?

"I...have never been out...without my siblings…"

Velouria: … that raises further questions.

Jude: This honestly implies that not only is Sakura showing more blindness than she ever has had, it’s been the Royal Family actively leading her away. Not only is this yet more defaming of Hoshido, it’s out-of-character for them as well. The only member who wouldn’t wonder what the hell was going on just from “water problem” is Takumi, and even he would probably join if Sakura went first, if only to serve as a bodyguard. He wouldn’t try to dissuade her from exploring the city. This isn’t pointing out a flaw in the illusion, it’s claiming the audience can’t suspend disbelief because the illusionist is in a theater.

Subaki: Again, the royal family isn't like that. Firstly, milady is perfectly independent and capable of going out and helping by herself. Secondly, her siblings do nothing of the sort to prevent her from helping. In fact, Lord Ryoma encourages her as seen in her supports with him:

Ryoma: I'm proud of you for helping all the time. You're growing into a lovely young woman.
Sakura: I'm not strong like you are, Ryoma, so I'm not much help during battle... That's why I try to do as much as I can off the battlefield.
Ryoma: That isn't true. You're plenty of help during battle! You're a talented healer. There's no need to be so hard on yourself. It's OK to depend on us sometimes.

Kaze: And Lady Hinoka is similar in wanting to help teach her:

Sakura: Hinoka, I have a favor to ask. I want you to give me lessons!
Hinoka: Lessons in what?
Sakura: Well, um...up until now, I was afraid to ask for your help with fighting. I thought I'd only be in your way if we trained together.
Hinoka: Sakura, don't think like that...
Sakura: After our talk the other day, I want to try harder. I want you to train me for battle.
Hinoka: You're serious?! I never thought you'd say that!
Sakura: I want you to be able to count on me, Hinoka.

Kaze: However, DDI being a misguided teenager means that he does not give too much regard of looking beyond the superficial traits of these characters unlike we are doing.

"...Well, it seems like you're outvoted, Kagero. Let's see this lower city of yours."

Velouria: *Kagero* ”Odd. I thought twenty was bigger than two.” Cue the disguised bodyguard-cum-prisoner escort revealing their kunais, because in a sane universe, she would have likely got every ninja in eartshot on short notice to guard two of the royal family in the city streets, because she isn’t an idiot.

Irene: In fact, Yoona and Taeyeon can attest that Kagero is overly vigilant to the point that her only limit is granting them privacy for certain matters. Hell, Saizo would have probably revealed himself just to object because he doesn't have that limit prior to trusting my alternate route counterparts.

Caeldori: Also notice neither of Aunt Sakura's retainers are brought up about this. In fairness, it's probably because DDI lost track of the characters but way to make both Father and Aunt Hana irrelevant.

Going down the mountain, they had walked through two checkpoints just to reach the lower districts. At each checkpoint she was met with suspicious eyes, and her companions with warnings of the dangers for a noble to walk through such 'uncivilized' territories. Territories not a couple miles away from their artisans and merchants. The further down the mountain, the more 'uncivilized' the area became, until there was nothing but a shadow of the beautiful city they came from.

Velouria: … Would hitting the button be a double-count, here?

Leliel: Given how we’re actively seeing the author sincerely trying to make the town a Hive City from Warhammer 40K, and the racism? No to either.

Velouria: Thank you. *makes air-wanking motion to hit both buttons*

A DIMMER LIGHT: 21

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 23

Ignatius: The whole "mountain getting worse the lower they go" seems like some juvenile attempt of symbolism, which it probably is.

Subaki: *deep sigh* Of course Hoshido isn't going to be completely perfect but turning it into what I can only describe as a cheap knockoff of the Capitol and Districts from The Hunger Games is really tipping the scales too far. What is it with Fates Antis and their need to overload Hoshido with non-canon problems? The Road Not Trekked has the same issue!

"Listen, you little shit, judging by your atrocious accent it's clear you've never set foot in Nohr, have you? I'm more Nohrian than you ever will be so don't start thinking you can judge me."

Azalin: Which be more than I can say for this bigoted wastrel who is spitting on her own people for daring to not be ‘real’ countrymen. Weren’t you complaining previously of being without peers, little queen?

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 84 (Even beyond these being bandits, it’s telling that she immediately leapt to insults rather than trying to talk them down - Her Serenity’s ego does not enjoy any wounds!)

Irene: At this point, who is she even for? I didn't know there's now gatekeeping for Nohrianness!

Seeing the inevitability of combat, Corrin's hand immediately dropped to her side and reached out for a sword where none was.

Wanderer2691: … you went to a part of the city where Kagero tried to stop you due to being dangerous for nobles, and you didn’t fucking arm yourself?!

Jude: Ah, that explains what these alleged bandits are. They’re obviously a patrol from interested parties meant to remove idiots from noble families before they inherit. We should commend them for their attempt to overcome the force of Suedom.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 116

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 85 (Because her reckless stupidity endangers Sakura too, and was done largely to spite Kagero.)

Caeldori: Don't forget making Kagero look stupid for either not noticing or not caring. Or possibly both. In fact, this wasn't thought up of during the passing of the checkpoints?

Corrin had been in pheasants' homes before, as scandalous as that was.

Velouria: And no doubt very traumatizing for the unfortunate birds in question, given how hedonistic this Corrin is - I dread what she got up to in the coop.

Jude: And of course, suddenly she cares about scandal when the poor are involved…

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 86

Each time she wandered from the castle, she always felt the desperation there, and the struggle to survive each day. But something about the old man's home was different. It was not desperation she felt when she looked on the closely packed spaces and the stench of humanity stuffed into such a small place. Here, all she could see was the complete lack of hope.

Ignatius: Come of think of it, how are Corringula's escapades outside the Northern Fortress so casually mentioned? Mother and all her incarnations are very sheltered. The one time they were outside with Uncle Silas led to him nearly being executed and Mother having memories of Uncle Silas forcibly erased.

"You mean this was kept from you all these years? You were never even curious? You never questioned?" Corrin accused

"Of course, why would she?" Kagero explained, "She is still young, and 4th in line for the throne. Why would her tutors educate her on the affairs of the state?"

Azalin: *jaw drop* … because she is fourth in line for the throne, you inconceivable idiots?!

Velouria: Even if all three of her siblings survive, Sakura is, by birthright, an extremely powerful person - she might not sit on the throne, but she is very much a representative for people who are, and an advisor. To have her be this unaware of affairs of the state is… moronic.

Leliel: We are not saying that younger children for the throne were not less deliberately prepared - frequently, in the real world, they weren’t. But being less focused on and being completely ignorant are two entirely separate things - especially since all this is doing, on a narrative level, is making Sakura a moeblob! The button, please?

Subaki: *sharpening his naginata in annoyance* We already talked about milady's initiative to do more, but it begs more attention to be brought up. Here's her solo ending:
After Ryoma ascended the throne, Sakura led recovery efforts to heal the bodies and hearts of war-torn Hoshidans. She was known far and wide for her compassion and the strength of her resolve.
and her married endings always state that His wife, Sakura, dedicated herself to helping the underprivileged, and the two worked happily together.

Caeldori: In Clover's setting, Sakura is a very involved character. She and Corrin bond through helping underprivileged people around Hoshido, and is one of the first to be receptive to helping Nohr. She calls out Ryoma for exiling Corrin and defies her entire family to join Uncle Kaze in finding her. Even after the war, she works as a diplomat and becomes a ray of hope to both nations alongside Aunt Elise.

"Young? She's fourteen, she could practically be married by now and you're saying she's too young to learn how her kingdom operates?"

Jude: …urp.

Wanderer2691: *slightly green* Oh, joy. It’s this canard of grimdark medieval life. Which makes Corrin’s behavior earlier… even creepier. Ugh.

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 25

Azalin: *eyelights narrow* I am asking my counsel to make note of this. I have a bad inkling of where this might go, given her age…

Ignatius: The infantilization of Lady Sakura's character really doesn't help the way others act around her. Such as non-consensual touching.

He nodded, "There were thousands of Nohrians in Hoshido when the barrier was first constructed. Some were soldiers on deployment, but many more were simple citizens like myself. Hoshidans from Nohrian descent who wished for a more comfortable life. But somebody has to reap the fields, grow the orchards, and water the crops; somebody has to wash the gutters and pave the roads. No matter how bountiful the soil, it needs hands to work it."

Azalin: … and this be worldbuilding for the sake of slander. Of course. Let me partake of the button again…

A DIMMER LIGHT: 23

"So, you do the work to keep them fed, and are sent to the gutters?"

"Not just Nohrians. Kitsune, Wolfskins, Taguel…

Irene: First of all, beastfolk being enslaved gives me Shield Hero vibes, which is not something any piece of fiction should be giving. Secondly, this level of oppression is guaranteed to breed resentment and encourage the cornered animal to bite back. There's a reason why the Districts in The Hunger Games ultimately prevailed over the Capitol.

Caeldori: Time for more counter-worldbuilding. There are Nohrian immigrants in the Omegaverse setting, but most of them are Chevois escaping Nohr's oppressive regime, hence the alliance between Hoshido and the rebels. Most Nohrians don't leave out of an impression that Hoshido won't help them (a point brought up in Azura and Corrin's Revelation support). There is also an issue of distrust in Nohrian immigrants and non-Chevois Nohrian immigrants don't get to contact their loved ones back in Nohr out of a fear of conspiracy and espionage. These are likely more realistic issues, though Leliel and Wanderer can constructively criticize this if they like.

tribals are left well alone, as long as they stay to the outer reaches, but anyone who tries to integrate their culture into the cities...the Hoshidans have a beautiful culture of peace and plenty, but it was built by Hoshidans for Hoshidans. Anyone different, anyone who tries to upset the status quo, or tries to take some of that beauty for themselves aren't treated so kindly."

"Of course...when you have perfection, why risk polluting it?" Corrin said bitterly

Jude: A sentiment, I’m sure, the author thinks of whenever their story is criticized.

Subaki: Thankfully he grew up and learned some self-awareness.

She still needed to find some way home, and to find her true family back home. Once she could talk things over with her siblings, and her father, she knew everything would fall into place.

Jude: …

Wanderer2691: … Oh look. It’s the Chapter Rant Time. *grinds teeth*

Jude: … You. Are. Useless.

Azalin: In fact, not only are you useless - you are weak. The kind of weak that insults the Lower Planes in your incompetence at being any competent strain of evil.

Leliel: And also an example of a very toxic kind of character that should have died with the 1990s: the Strong Female Protagonist. Not to be confused with an actually strong protagonist who is female.

Jude: *inhale* Let us outline the scenario. You have been faced with evidence - no, direct proof - that the ethnicity you consider your people is being actively oppressed and mistreated. One of them has gone outright borderline spree killer on anything that looks like a native Hoshidan noble, or a Nohrian assistant. And your reaction is “I can’t make decisions, I need to go home first”?!

Azalin: This be why I chose my lieutenants for independence more than blind loyalty - I can deal with scheming, so long as they do not need orders to analyze, say, whether they be adorned in red or blue that day. You, little royal, have just shown that for a character who claims to be a commander, you have little ability to command.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 122

Velouria: Even more importantly - it’s cowardly. Rather than take matters into your own hands, and possibly face responsibility, you shut down and redouble on the idea of running away back to someone else, and shove the responsibility on Garon instead. Incredible show of wisdom and compassion there, truly.

Irene: Corringula needing to run back to Daddy for help is not helping the childish allegations. I at the very least tried my hardest to settle things peacefully. It didn't work out several times, but I at least did more than she ever thought of.

Ignatius: Though knowing DDI is being an edgy teenager has us offering some leniency in his writing. He probably didn't think of much alternate options.

Corrin's vision was somewhat dazed so she couldn't get a perfect look, but she was pretty sure the seven young men marching in the home with decorative armor and swords at their belts were Hoshidans. They weren't guards, their armor was too fancy and impractical, it was more likely that they were noble sons given the careless way they walked and lack of care to disguise their contempt for the surroundings. The only thing that really held their interest was Sakura

Velouria: Not going to call out the spoiled sons of the aristocracy looking like children in dress-up, because there is no illogic - these people are here on their own time, so naturally they look like they dressed themselves as what their idea of soldiery is. I am going to point out that it’s notable only Hoshido is shown to have these so far…

Subaki: What is the point of these frat boy equivalents in Hoshido? Calling on a more grounded take, the post-war omegaverse setting has some nobles bitter about having to share resources with Nohr. That is a more realistic response of once having plenty but now being forced to share, and rich nobles can be quite stingy, not helping that they're sharing with their former enemies.

"So it's true, you are keeping a Hoshidan noble here!" One of them shouted at no one in particular, drawing his sword carelessly without a target in mind, the sign of someone who didn't respect how dangerous steel could be, "What gives you savages the right to bring a noble into your home?"

Azalin: Cacas, these kind of noble heirs - bane of my being. There needed no twisting for that hell’s nobles to be this kind of irritant…

Leliel: In a bit I am too cynical and distrustful of vigilantes in general to call unrealistic, the nobles make everything worse and slap Kagero after they decide that she’s a prostitute (or possibly are just misogynistic), leading to an actually good beginning of a fight as the spree killer leader kills one of the nobles to protect his father.

Kaze: A bored noble taking vigilante justice on criminal-type people. Sound familiar, Corringula?

Before they were even through the gate Sakura was being mother henned by some bespectacled blue haired man that looked twice her age

"I'm...okay, Yukimura," Sakura replied meekly,

Wanderer2691: Wait. The spectacled blue hair man you literally met last night?! … are you literally a blackout drunk?!

Azalin: Also, calling a royal retainer who just discovered that a princess was just involved in a lethal fight a mother hen. You know, the bare minimum reaction I would expect my son’s tutors to have and not be of more than half a mind to reduce them to dust. Slowly.

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 89

Jude: Anyway, Yukimura swears to punish the guardsman who let out royals without a full escort, and either Sakura or Kagero pressures him to talk about the lower districts, we literally cannot tell due to a lack of dialogue tags. Given how it’s explicit only Sakura cares about the condition of the districts, this is important.

Kaze: And note again that Hana and Subaki, Sakura's own retainers, are not even considered in regards to Sakura's involvement with everything that happened.

A/N: So, I'm going to briefly go over the cultural and societal makeup of the world as I've altered it. Nothing else is really talked about, so you can skip this if you'd rather find out through reading.

Jude: Given how badly you’ve made the in-character worldbuilding? This is required reading, and the fact it’s missing from the AO3 version is a further mark against you.

Subaki: And we conclude with DDI using Encyclopedia Trustmebro for his worldbuilding. See you next chapter, you can tell we had a lot to complain here.

Current Mood: bitchy

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here,
Personal Spite Fic here

Current Rotation: Yoona, Kanaki, Benny, Kanny, Taeyeon

Kanaki: Do I have to be here again, Mama? I already did last chapter and it was terrible!

Yoona: Sweetie, your father and sister will be sporking the next part, just hold out for another chapter, ok?

Kanaki: sigh Fine...

Nonetheless, this wasn't her home; she had memories of it, happy memories, but they felt like someone else's. Like she was looking through the lense of another person's past experiences in first person. It wasn't her home, her home was where her family was. Here, she was nothing more than a prisoner. A very comfortable, well-fed, and groomed prisoner.

Taeyeon: This is an angle that would have really done favours to the story and angle DDI meant to go for. I and my many counterparts have similarly felt the isolation and foreign feeling in Hoshido, that we didn't belong here.

"My lady…" The servant hesitatingly approached her, clearly reluctant to interrupt a royal's time with their favorite lover, "Perhaps...you might wish to moderate…before dinner..."

"Hm? Oh, I get it, you're jealous because I'm drunk and you're not."

Benny: If we're jealous over you being drunk, it's more likely because we need to be to deal with reading about you.

Kanny: Right on, Papa! Being this smug over alcohol is usually not of a character one would root for. Maybe Teenage DDI was just really impatient about getting to be old enough to drink.

"I know that. Gah…" She clutched her forehead as a wave of nausea hit her, "Geez...what's in this stuff? It tastes...really, really sweet…"

"It's...wine, my lady…"

"You Hoshidans need to figure out how to make a proper bottle," Corrin tossed it outside,

Theresia: … whereupon it was caught by Saizo, and tossed back at a fatal speed. Ass.

Yoona: *fake gruff caveman voice* GRRRRRRR BIG STRONG NOHRIAN NO LIKE PUSSY SWEET HOSHIDO WINE.

Kana: Even leaving aside that, I guess, maybe someone stole a Nohrian clock and decided it was useless for… whatever reason and made a big robot out of the mechanism instead, here’s something that Japan had before European clocks: water clocks!

Kanaki: In hindsight, it's more of lazy teenage incompetence and lack of research aside from Encyclopedia Trustmebro. Fun fact to learn about through Das Sporking though!

"Well...dinner is usually when the moon is at a 30 degree angle. So they should call you in approximately eight more degrees..."

"...You think you could explain that to the foreigner? How long is a degree in seconds?"

"Uhm...I…"

Wanderer2691: … Degrees. They measure time in degrees. To the point where it’s possible this woman is unfamiliar with the concepts of seconds. This author, bright spark they are, thinks that a recognizably human culture… would find it easier to measure time in physics equations and/or nautical directions.

Taeyeon: This is more of just Teenage DDI not stopping to think about the implications of such ludicrous measurements and realizing how stupid this works. What, do they have to check with protractors all the time, pun not intended?

Benny: Speaking of the issues with such measurements, here's a fact from the University of Rochester about the Moon moving several degrees: The moon orbits quite fast: it moves about 0.5 degrees per hour in the sky. Eight degrees means that dinner is in sixteen hours.

"First, her highness requested that you wear this to the dinner." As she spoke, Kagero placed a bright red garment on her bed

"Is that supposed to be a dress? That's the stupidest looking dress I've ever seen."

Azalin: Given how that be a kimono, and thus a robe, I fundamentally disagree. Robes are entirely valid as a garment choice, both for style and practicality - for example, hiding the wand I would turn you into a mouse with for that comment. And then feed to my ravens.

Yoona: You know, for all the flak Hoshido is going to get about the way they act towards Nohrians, Corringula isn't much better here. It's a good thing DDI knows now that nobody is a good guy. Evil vs Evil is a trope that has to be handled carefully, because if you make both sides unlikeable, no one is going to care about the conflict.

Taeyeon: In Clover's setting, Corrin wears it, but she feels as if it's like a prison. The kimono in that setting is symbolic of the isolation and unfamiliarity she has in Hoshido. Wearing it gives her the feeling of imposter syndrome even more. But I suppose trying to cooperate is too nice of a trait for the dark and edgy Corringula.

"You have also been wearing the same outfit for quite a long time."

"Well, nobody has exactly offered to wash any of my stuff."

"If that's what you wish, I could tell my lady that you wish to postpone the dinner until…"

"Nah; your people want to see a dirty Nohrian savage, right? Let them see a dirty Nohrian savage."

Kana: Nah, just show them the rest of the fic. They’ll catch on without having to leave her room!

Theresia: This is just… petty. Is this woman in her twenties or her twos? Refusing to bathe and clean yourself to spite the host attempting to treat you well? Even as a prisoner of war, an outright hunger strike would be far more dignified - and would earn much more respect as an equal.

Benny: Hunger strikes have been done by prisoners in fact, in order to protest many different things. Not bathing as a protest method isn't well documented, as that is associated with immaturity.

Keaton: … it’s stupid. Because, your highness, you may not have noticed this past the missing sun, but you share a border with the primary speakers of that language, and are the head of state - the ultimate diplomat. To not speak what is effectively Corrin’s mother tongue now is not only offensive to her (and I feel sick defending her on this), it’s a snub to Nohr in general that is likely going to ramp up tensions if they discover it, all because you, Serenity, are bitter about Corrin being more fluent in it.

Kanaki: You know there's a problem when we have to agree with Corringula about something. Honestly the language barrier thing just creates more problems narratively that don't flow well.

Taeyeon: The Doomed Supper Spitefic does the language barrier better. Both sides speak Common (in other words, English) but some traditional expressions in Hoshidan, such as the expression Itadakimasu, are still being used. It's like being in a bilingual country that speaks two official languages for both Hoshido and Nohr.

Kamui, or rather Corrin, stopped halfway across the room with a wary eye on the table. Everyone silently watched her, nobody entirely certain what to say or if they should speak at all. Despite herself, Mikoto couldn't help but feel tense, like the reunion she had so carefully crafted could come crashing down around her at a moment. When the tension finally became unbearable, Corrin finally took another step forward, a slight lurch in her walk and her hand drifting close to where her sword would be, and finally sitting down in the empty chair between herself and Ryoma

Azalin: This paragraph shows again, a glimmer of competence. This is a profoundly awkward moment in-universe, even beyond our illustrious princess’ alcoholism. She is, frankly, a blood sibling who has become a stranger to all involved, and everyone knows it.

Leliel: And of course, it crashes down in 3..2...

Sakura was the first to speak, "Uhm...it's nice to finally meet you," she said cheerfully, completely forgetting her mother's instructions just moments ago in her excitement, "I...I wasn't born yet, when you...left, but my siblings told me a lot about you…I've wanted to meet you for a very long time!"

"...Just pass the wine." Mikoto wasn't certain if she just didn't understand Sakura, or didn't care

*entire chamber groans*

Azalin: As I be sure everyone is thinking enough to not need a translation in my own tongue: cur non utrumque?

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 59

Kanny: The Spitefic leans further into the sense of Corrin being a stranger. Including being unable to say Itadakimasu which doesn't help her anxiety in trying to fit in. She's like a second-generation immigrant returning to their motherland but feeling unable to fit in.

Yoona: As for whether Corringula didn't understand or didn't care, the answer is probably both. *growls slightly*

"...Spices."

"...I repeat, what are these weird specs on the food?"

"Do they...not have spices in Nohr?" said Sakura

"Kind of what I was implying, but thanks for making it clear for everyone."

Leliel: I am… legitimately not sure if this is good darkness or not. It makes sense that Nohr might not use luxury items like spices, sticking to practical seasoning, but…

Wanderer2691: I, on the other hand, am not so generous - legit or not, it’s still suspiciously Manly (™) for Nohr to not care about ‘decadent’ arts like competent cooking.

Kanny: Spices have also been historically used to balance "humors," a common belief back in the Middle Ages for good health and whatnot. It's also been a common misconception that spices were used as preservatives but that's been debunked. Still, I'm surprised DDI didn't take that angle.

Benny: Realistically our food shortages would make spices a luxury, which is the route the spitefic took. Spices generally have to be imported through trade and as such, only the royals and nobility can have a taste, and not much of it. It leads to some cultural shock for Corrin to see spices being used so liberally.

Sakura winced from the sharp tone, and Ryoma stepped in before anything else could be said, "Spices are a cause of flavour made from leftover peppers, to give foods nail," he explained

"...Taste." Mikoto corrected him

"Leftover...right, you have leftovers here," she said bitterly,

Keaton: You don’t? … well that explains the resource shortage. You keep on throwing stuff out instead of reusing it! Ever hear of jerky?

Jude: I think I get what was attempted to show here. Nohr has a resource shortage, and has for generations. But - and this is important - if there’s no leftovers ever, then there’s never a surplus. And if that’s the case…

Kana: How are there any Nohrians left, let alone the potential to have population growth?! A crop blight could kill a generation, assuming whatever weird sun-optional crops they have have blights!

Kanny: It can also be from roots, leaves, and other such plant parts, why peppers only? Also black pepper and the vegetable peppers are different things.

Kanaki: Just look at the Irish Potato Famine, the potato blight caused countless deaths and many more left the country as a result. This kind of setting is the kind that's "there's no hope left for this place" and not "we're doing our best to get by."

To her dismay, not even Mikoto could answer that. She liked to think she was fairly in touch with the common people, but there were so many things she needed to worry about, "You don't even know, do you? Just...out of sight, huh? I grew up royalty, and I never saw even a fraction of this; if I had this much food and just misplaced it, you can be damn certain someone would want my head for it."

Yoona: I'm feeling uncharitable enough to feel like this ignorance about leftovers is more anti-Hoshidan propoganda. Being ignorant about Nohr's struggles is one thing, but not knowing where your own leftovers go?

There was yet another round of awkward silence before anyone dared to say anything else; in the end it was Hinoka who had to muster up the courage

"So, I was hoping we could go out together like we used to...but it occurred to me that I don't really know what you like to do anymore," she said, "So, what do you like to do for fun?"

"Fight, fuck, drink. In that order. Repeatably."

Taeyeon: *grumbles* There is a very good reason Corrin in Clover's Fates ABO is an introverted bookworm with a mind for strategy from Leo. It makes her more relatable, and adds a layer of realistic challenge when she's forced to be in a social event. It also allows room for improvement, as she grows out of her introverted nature to lead both armies to peace.

"...You...can't just do that all day…"

"Why not? It all serves each other. Fighting gets your blood up and ready for fucking, a good fuck puts you in the mood for a drink to cool off, and the drink gets your head in a good state for more fighting. Put in breaks for meals and sleep and you've got a pretty stable schedule."

Leliel: Ah, yes, that is the main concern with addiction. Stability. When I’m a late-stage alcoholic, the thing I want to be most concerned with is the predictability of my cycle, because all my self-esteem comes from wrecking all traces of my social life and body on a regular schedule. Why, I hear it even does wonders for your facial muscles, leading to a most winning and confident smile:

Kanny: Sounds like a toxic cycle to me. At least Clover doesn't pretend that Niles sleeping around and self-sabotaging relationships is a healthy, stable habit. It's something he knows he has to break out of when he finds out he's going to be a father.

Wanderer2691: He’s cold even on the Birthright route when you meet him, before you prove your loyalty is to Hoshido, but actively insulting the culture, apart from “are we sure about the idea that someone who thinks of herself as Nohrian is trustworthy?” is a level beyond him even at his natural worst.

Leliel: Quite simply, he’s acting even worse than he is when Anankos is using him as a puppet - and without any good explanation, because canonically, Takumi desperately wants Corrin’s approval, and his initial anger in Conquest is born out of feeling that Corrin spat on Mikoto’s sacrifice. This “Hate Corrin, hate Nohr, kill everything, argleblargle” Takumi? Is literally something that only happens after a now-vanished dragon gets done reprogramming him, and so this Takumi is a substantially flatter and more annoying character.

Benny: This is why the Spitefic chooses the angle of Takumi being silently wary of Corrin rather than any blind hatred. He actually marries Xander and moves to Nohr in the setting.

"Sorry kid, but...you're going to become a monster."

Theresia: … excuse me?

"Sorry kid, but...you're going to become a monster."

Theresia: Going to be? Going? As in, not now?!

Yoona: *suddenly shifting to her dragon form*

Taeyeon: Uh oh... take cover everyone!

Yoona: GRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! GOING TO? GOING TO?! OH LET'S JUST COMPLETELY IGNORE HOW CASUALLY RACIST AND DISRESPECTFUL SHE'S BEEN. LET'S JUST IGNORE HER CALLOUS TREATMENT OF PRISONERS AND HER LACK OF EMPATHY TO HER OWN SERVANTS. LET'S JUST IGNORE THE WAY SHE TREATS HER OWN MOTHER. LET'S JUST THROW AWAY ALL SENSE OF FORESHADOWING. LET'S NOT BOTHER WITH THE IDEA OF MAKING YOUR OWN FATE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INFINITELY BETTER IDEA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! TEENAGE DDI I UNDERSTAND IT'S YOUR EDGY INCOMPETENCE BUT THIS IS HOW YOU KILL ANY INVESTMENT INTO A CHARACTER! *collapses back into her human form*

Kanaki: Deep breaths Mama, deep breaths.

Kanny: Yeah so... with that, there's a good reason Macbeth doesn't start with the three witches saying he becomes a bloodthirsty murderer. Villain protagonists need buildup, not for readers to get slapped in the face with the spoiler!

Benny: And for that matter, usually a character that falls into evil starts out with some good qualities, to heighten the tragedy, just look at Macbeth again.

Fun Fact: Kunoichi was the historical name for ninjas who specialized in seduction and psychological warfare; while a kunoichi could technically be male or female, for obvious reasons this role was mostly filled by females.

Taeyeon: This fact was brought to you by Encyclopedia Trustmebro. And that's a wrap. My husband and the others will be sporking the next most anti-Hoshidan chapter, and I can only offer my prayers.

Current Mood: spiteful

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Irene, Subaki, Ignatius, Kanaki, Kanaze

Irene: New Year, same nonsense. Let's just get to it.

"No, my lord; our spy in Castle Krakenburg has not reported for quite some time."

Velouria: *suddenly spits out a glass of water* Wait, what?!

Leliel: Eh?

Velouria: Didn’t the last chapter not even have enough Nohrian currency to outfit one ninja for a scouting mission?! And they’re running active espionage?!

*beat*

Azalin: *sneer of disgusted bemusement* It is apparent that this outline of Hoshido has learned much strategic knowledge from Vlad Drakov. The neighbor of mine who found himself replaced by a woman, because the original be both uncouth, and a moron. Exactly what be your plan for outfitting messengers to and from said spies, mayhap? Saying that they are Nohrians very loudly? How may I work this device?

Subaki: And this is why we were raising our eyebrows at who put Captain Baka in charge of the border. Not a good look for us.

"So we're just going to go into another decade long stalemate? We need a permanent solution!"

"You don't 'solve' a kingdom, you just learn to live with them. As long as we have a stalemate, we have peace."

Azalin: *suppresses a snort* Please, children, tell yourselves that. Have not you heard of border skirmishes, or cold war?

Jude: And blatantly untrue. Tell me, which country is being protected by a, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, a barrier explicitly meant to deter military assaults because it was the only way to stop the war Nohr still wants?

Velouria: There is being overconfident, and then there is denial of the basic fact of something you just mentioned not three seconds ago. Idiots.

Kanaki: Also way to make Hoshido look bad in refusing to share resources or something like peace treaties. This feels like a cop-out to justify Nohr's invasion.

Ignatius: All mentioned tensions are generally more potentially interesting concepts than what's offered in here.

"My lord, Saizo has returned from Nohr."

"So soon? Did he establish communication with Kaze?"

Velouria: *jaw drops*

Kay: It was an official mission? And they still didn’t have a disguise? Despite, presumably, knowing about it?

Leliel: … Some people in the comments thought I may have been a bit harsh on Captain Baka. I say that this proves that he either was that dumb, or everyone else in the communication chain forgot to tell him. Neither speaks well of intellect in Hoshido.

Kanaki: This is also why my sister said that there should have been Dimmer Light points. Sure Captain Baka is one guy, but his position reflects poorly on the rest of Hoshido, such as well, whoever put him in charge of the border.

"The older or younger one?"

"Neither, my lord; this is someone new."

"Our spies have never reported a fifth royal child," said a general

Azalin: …why not?

Kana: You apparently skipped the first couple chapters - can’t blame you - so she was hidden away in a fortress separate from the rest of Nohr-

Azalin: Do not presume what I do not know, child!

*Kana squeaks and hides behind a very unapproving Jude*

Azalin: …I did read that, before I chose to read not more lest my memory as a lich become a curse. She was kept in a hidden fortress - but her siblings-by-law regularly paid visit, as did most forces in the army. I would think, mayhap, this Kaze would hear rumor of whom they were visiting.

*beat*

Kay: …does this author have a thing against spies? Because every actual spy involved has been really bad at their job.

Kanaze: You'd think they could put two and two together that their missing princess could, I don't know, be hidden in Nohr considering that's who captured her to begin with!

Irene: I would say DDI doesn't know how to write spies, this is more of writer incompetence over anything malicious towards spies, Hanlon's Razor and all that.

Jude: …I am beginning to agree with Kay. How, in the name of all that is holy, do you not pick up that the mysterious resident of a highly secure fortress is someone important, like, say, your own queen’s kidnapped daughter?!

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 81

Azalin: Forget not that, seemingly, no soldier recognized Mikoto’s daughter. Including one of her heir’s own vassals, when he by all presumption has seen at least pictures of her.

Ignatius: This isn't helped by the fact that apparently Grandmother had portraits of Not-Mother on display, as mentioned later.

Subaki: What is with the incompetence of Hoshido? It feels like they're asking for an invasion.

"Hey, do you mind speaking actual words? I don't speak gibberish."

Azalin: …do they have translation spells or magic items that may bear them?

Leliel: Um, I don’t think so?

Azalin: Damn. I was soon to suggest putting one in the largest maggot corpse I could find and stuffing it into her inner ear so she may understand. With a heated spike. Do not insult the language of anyone, let alone your captors, you alcoholic bigot.

Kanaze: Look, this added language barrier thing could work as something that adds more depth to the Hoshidan-Nohrian tensions. This, however, is not how to do that.

Kanaki: It's not cool to make characters act like complete bigots over not speaking the same language, DDI.

"Remove her shackles," he said to Saizo

Saizo was obviously surprised, though he doubted anyone who didn't know him for years would notice, still he acted without hesitation and quickly removed the bracelets from her wrists. She rubbed her wrists irritatingly, and looked at him with question

"So...as long as we're being generous, do my you mind giving back my sword too? And armor. And some wine if you have any."

Leliel: *Ryoma* “Actually, it was so your hands were out of the way of your stomach.” And then he punched her in the torso so hard it broke a rib.

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 48

Jude: …I should be disturbed by that mental image. Why am I not disturbed by that mental image?

Velouria: Because frankly, she’d go for the knife. I am disturbed by unleashing an obviously hostile prisoner, no matter who she is.

Irene: Ugh, give her an inch and she takes a mile. Also, please for the love of gods, shut up about wine. No sane human asks for that much.

Ignatius: Let's just be lucky she's no Tai Lung, if he had been let loose, there would be a massacre.

"That...will have to be waiting for now," he responded in Nohrian, as well as he could, "There is someone you need to introduce to. She can teach things better than I can."

She burst out laughing, "Uhm...okay...I don't really know how to mock that, I think you did all the work for me."

Kay: … Uh. What was funny?

Leliel: I think it was the bad grammar, but this fic has such poor grammar on the author’s behalf that it took me a few reads to notice Ryoma’s misused tenses. And once again, I can only think of this as a worse version of Three Houses, because Petra Macneary is way funnier with the verbal typos and idiom confusion, white-coded (Irish, to be precise - she doesn’t have the accent, but her name checks out) enough where it doesn’t come off as mildly racist, and, oh yeah, was not raised from birth in the expectation that as future queen she would often receive diplomats from a nearby foreign power and maybe should have learned their language well enough to use grammar properly, dumbass.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 84 (There is ‘still learning,’ of course, but Petra was a generation removed from inheriting the throne of Brigid and wasn’t expected as an heir until her father died when she was 11, and her grasp of the language is good enough to be grammatically correct, it just has syntax issues. This is pathetic.)

Wanderer2691: Side note: I’m actually Irish-descended myself, and as awkward as it is, I find Petra pretty damn funny - mostly because it ties into her character arc about gradually fitting in, and because unlike really bad takes on the “person who speaks language hilariously badly” archetype, she actually is shown to get better over time. Thing is, she’s speaking pretty adeptly by the time she’s an adult - which Ryoma should be himself. So, really pathetic.

Subaki: It also helps that her classmates gently correct Petra on her mistakes instead of treating like the butt of jokes because "haha bad grammar funny."

Also unlike her father's throne room, defense was practically nonexistent. It appeared the Hoshidans prefered form over function; not exactly what she would call a winning strategy.

Leliel: …not so much the apparent expectation that fighting will be done in a throne room, as opposed to that being a good sign your side is already losing and it’s time to evacuate.

*chorus of groans*

Wanderer2691: As much as Fire Emblem is a fan of setting boss fights in the throne room of the main villain, those maps are generally the throne room and the castle surrounding it, with the throne itself being, well, a big chair. This wasn’t a needed change at all, and is just confusing.

Kanaki: Is this a dig at the penultimate and final maps for Birthright and Conquest? This feels like a dig towards those maps.

And right in front of her, sitting on the majestic throne, was...someone who looked very, very tired. Sure, she was very elegant, with the long flowing dress and graceful frame, but her eyes were barely open and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Or weeks. Still, seeing her approach, she smiled sweetly at her, a look of overwhelming joy

Kana: Oooh, nooo….

Jude: This isn’t even me, a Nohrian patriot - this is Corringula.

Velouria: I already feel terrible for her…

Azalin: As do I. As much I desired my son to have more of a spine, to be this… uncouth would break what remnants of a heart I have.

Ryoma looked like he was about to say something to Corrin, but reconsidered and said something else to his lady ninja friend that she couldn't understand. The lady ninja nodded, and turned to Corrin, speaking with proper words

Kay: Case in point!

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 49 (Actively deciding that the queen is speaking Weird Foriegn Words is a step beyond even Ryoma’s insults, because it’s actively suicidal.)

"This is Queen Mikoto, the ruler of Hoshido."

Corrin looked at the woman sitting on the throne, "Wait, so this is the Mikoto bitch I heard so much about? Heh, you ain't looking so good, how's the wall holding up?" she laughed

Irene: And this is why I'm here and not Yoona. She would have had a draconic fit of well-deserved fury to see Mother so disrespected. Myself being a Nohrian patriot like Jude and Theresia, I personally have to say: show some respect to your ruler from a opposing country, especially when you are a captor, you disrespectful womanchild. *hisses draconically*

Velouria: So, basically - they were filler text. *realization* Like this POV switch!

Leliel: Not only that, but intrusive filler text. It’s just a waste of digital space for no good reason, and it makes the rest of the fic harder to read.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 86 (Fates has its narrative problems, but “waste of economy of text” isn’t one of them. Really, it could’ve been stretched out a bit - which this doesn’t actually do, since the plot does not move forward at all.)

Kanaze: I broke my brain several times trying to comprehend it before realizing I was wasting my time. Trying to make sense of filler is like trying to find meaning from Shakespeare writing "What, you egg?"

The arrows came in waves, blocking out the brightness of the moon.

Soldiers fell from all around her. Father collapsed on the ground in front of her, arrows littered over his body like the grass on a summer day. He's cold...cold…

Kay: So here, Corrin saw her father die in an ambush. That’s...dark.

Velouria: … I like it. It’s genuinely horrifying and traumatic enough to have blocked out the memory without use of magic.

Ignatius: It's really too bad this was written during DDI's edgy teenage phase, because we can see little bits of potential that actually humanizes Corringula.

Mikoto nodded, "Nobody has been in this room for years. I didn't want a single thing moved."

Azalin: *nod of approval* This sentiment I like. Illogical, perchance, but the illogic of a grieving parent, particularly one as stressed as Mikoto would be. I do much the same.

Kay: That…is creepy, but yeah. Pretty human. This part’s good, as is most of this.

Subaki: Actually not that illogical. It's quite common for grieving parents to leave their deceased children's bedrooms untouched. Corringula may not have been dead, but being lost to Nohr is probably close enough.

Memories rushed through her mind, painfully digging up things that had long been buried. It was like reliving every moment all at once. She remembered watching from a window awaiting Ryoma's return from battle, she could see the crude picture on the ground that she and Hinoka drew of their family, and she remembered the day that her father took her to work...the last time she would see any of this. Everything was confused in her head as the new memories clashed with the old, everything running through her mind at once, like a typhoon of conflicting emotions.

"I'm...I'm fine," she said, pushing Mikoto's hand off her shoulder, "I remembered...something...no, it was probably a fever or something…"

Kana: This too! Even though she’s remembering her old connection with her family, she’s still defensive! No points here, this is a legit reaction.

Mikoto sighed, "Of course...Kamui, I will be sending a message to your siblings throughout town to tell them the news, and I was hoping we might all have dinner tonight. Like a real family. If...you think that's appropriate…"

"...You know what, fine, but on one condition; anyone calls me 'Kamui' again, and I cut them in half."

*approving atmosphere evaporates*

Kana: This isn’t. Thanks for reminding us you’re still Corringula, you sour old jerk…

Wanderer2691: She knows herself as Corrin, but she has eight years worth of memories where she was Kamui. She can certainly prefer the Nohrian name but - holy shit, that threat was not needed…

Kanaki: We were so close... so close to having an actual sympathetic protagonist... That reaction to her room was genuinely a humanizing moment, only to have a thrown away with the following line.

Kanaze: Here, I can fix it. "You know what, fine, but on one condition; don't call me 'Kamui,' that girl is long gone." It's still kinda harsh, but at least she doesn't sound like a complete sociopath.

Irene: And that's a wrap for Chapter 6. Yoona and Taeyeon will cover the next chapter, featuring cross-references from Clover's own spitefic where she writes in her own setting how the meal went.

Current Mood: blah

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Yoona, Caeldori, Benny, Kanny, Midori

Yoona: Yippee, new nonsense to get through. Also you may notice a new link, which we have been inspired through Galeshades and ElectricWindGirlfriend to support causes such as Palestine, which seems fitting because it gives what ABD Garon stands for the middle finger.

Fake desertion was one of the more risky infiltration methods he and other ninjas would carry out, however it was a great way to gain favor from the rank and file, even if officers were usually more skeptical, support from the soldiers was usually enough to get one through until they learned whatever they needed to and extract.

Leliel: And then get immediately court-martialed for disobeying orders and disrupting strategy, not to mention dead, because how the hell are you supposed to feed information to a commander who doesn’t know what you’re doing?

Caeldori: Odysseus would be rolling in his grave. Even his planted deceiver Sinon, who tricked the Trojans into bringing in the Trojan Horse into the city by making them believe destroying would incur Athena's wrath, didn't have himself maimed to sell the deception!

The first thing she noticed upon awakening was Ganglari's absence. Consciously, she knew it made sense that they wouldn't want her armed, but subconsciously she couldn't help but curse them for separating her from the one thing her father had ever given her.

Theresia: *sighing* To continue commentary on wasted potential...

Midori: If only, it could have made an excellent metaphor for Garon's hold on her.

Theresia: *turning green* …and Corrin’s mind revolving around sex...

Charlotte: Not to mention completely stupid. Actually sexually assaulting a noble of any kind, let alone a princess, is not a smart move from an opposing side. Especially in a medieval era, where battles are generally over territory, and many of the other side’s civilians are hopefully going to be working your ground soon. She should know this.

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 12 (Gotta get across the darkness with fear of sexual assault, no matter how irrational.)

Benny: Seems also racist, if you view the opposing nation as savage brutes who could rape you.

"That's not...for me to...decide," he struggled out, "Your fate...is in Lord Ryoma's hands…"

"Is that someone I should care about?"

Kanny: For goodness sake, there's sheltered, like my Mama and her other incarnations, and then there's suicidally out of touch, which is what Corringula falls into. Show some respect to your captor on an opposing side!

Leliel: She was then struck blind for the rest of the fic, because as the author’s notes on FF.net note, those trapped underground for an extended period suddenly exposed to light have a risk of permanent damage, and she has never been outside a place without a deleted sun, thrust into midday.

Charlotte: …honestly, that sounds like a good premise. Corrin, Blind Warrior of Nohr!

Yoona: That actually might change her for the better, secondhand eye scream feeling aside. Saint Paul turned himself around after being struck with blindness so who knows what it could have done for Corringula? Alas her eyes have plot armour it seems.

Jude: DOES THIS AUTHOR READ WHAT THEY FREAKING WRITE?! HAVE THEY NEVER HAD A HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE CLASS?! MIDDLE SCHOOL?! OR DO THEY THINK THAT PHOTOSYNTHESIS IS OPTIONAL?! HOW IS ANYONE STILL ALIVE?! HOW ARE THEY CAPABLE OF SUSTAINING A CIVILIZATION BEYOND SUBSISTENCE?! WHAT DO THE CARNIVOROUS WYVERNS EAT, MEATY AIR?! HOW THE HELL ARE THERE EVEN TREES?! HUH?! WHAT ABOUT THE TRRREEEAAAAAGH!!

Midori: I've actually known about plants' need for light since I was nine, but I'm digressing. There's... nothing that can really justify this, it's stupid even by stupid teen standards.

These are not humans. Nor are they dogs, or plants, or insects, or anything terrestrial.

Keaton: And, fun fact about tube worms; they live around volcanic vents. Which also happen to spit out things like sulfate, which is what the worms (or at least the symbiotic bacteria they depend on) eat.

Leliel: Here’s a dark truth for you, one that you, author, in your illustrious wisdom of making everything GRITTY(™) missed; all life eats. That food has to come from somewhere, and the process of getting that food changes what the organism looks like. A tree with bark but no leaves is a dead tree, and wouldn't have grown, leafless or not, in the first place, unless it was not a tree.

Keaton: Unless Nohr has some serious volcanic farming going on, there shouldn’t be any life at all. And even if there is, what life there is? Is not going to be anything that looks like a normal plant. Let alone a tree.

Benny: Nohr seems to be the equivalent of the unknown abyssal depths of the ocean. That may have some points in the "Dark" and "Mysterious" aspect, but loses points in any form of logic.

I hope you enjoyed it, you bastards, cause Nohr is coming. We're taking our lives back…

Charlotte: … -orrr, she could promptly turn scheming conqueror. *sigh*

Leliel: Look. I don’t mind the idea of this scene. Corrin has every reason to be pissed, especially if Hoshido is preventing any traders from showing up in Hoshido for… whatever reason. But to immediately channel that into desiring to not only take over Hoshido, but spite it? Given everything we’ve seen so far, that does not bode well. And it won’t.

Caeldori: Also seems incredibly entitled because since when was it your sun?

"Do not turn to casting blame amongst ourselves," Garon intervened for the first time since the talk began, "A house built upon shifting sands will fall."

Theresia: …we sadly cannot ignore my alleged real adoptive father.

Leliel: *snapped back to reality* Yeah, please, hit your family with the metaphors, Oh Cunning One. That’ll calm them down.

Kanny: Speaking of metaphors, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If there's any house built on shifting sands that fall, it definitely starts from His Oh So Cunningness.

Leliel: Side note; in fact, we don’t even have to imagine what Sunless Hell Nohrians would look like, given how Three Houses, a canon game, thought this out - Kronya here is an assassin for the Agarthans, a fascist, imperialistic cult who has spent generations underground, and look it; melanin is nothing but a useless waste of energy and development resources to underground dwellers, and so, by all rights, Elise and Camilla should be people who could be visually confused with Kronya, and Corringula should be pretty dang pale herself due to lack of melanin production. About the only creative liberty done with the Agarthans is them having hair colors beyond “white”, and given how she’s the only Agarthan with any color, it could be she dyes it or is a genetic callback to surface dwellers. But I digress.

Benny: It also begs the question of if Niles and I are being whitewashed as a result of no melanin production due to the sunless situation. Ignatius thankfully shares in my colour, but as if Niles doesn't already have enough problems with how Nina looks...

Boyd the Reaver: But naaaaaaaaaaah, what do hard men know or care about science, or logic, or internally-consistent worldbuilding that’s less a constructed world and moreso a hastily put-together mish-mash of ideas glued out of spite for canon? Because apparently having an Eldritch Location at the bottom of a valley as well as one of the twelve dragon-gods in the setting’s Creation Myth is too much to ask for, BUT NO, DELETING THE SUN IS JUST FINE! EVERYTHING IS… FINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

Midori: Also herbal mixes have been used since ancient times as an ancient sunscreen, so would it have too much to just say she had some applied onto her, even if it's a bandaid trying to keep a severed limb together? Or were the Hoshidans in the need to look bad not willing to share?

Leliel: Oh, it gets better! This A/N? Because it’s in the headnotes, this is the first thing you see in this chapter. A big, smug note about how the author isn’t mad, bro, are you?

Boyd the Reaver: As a fellow fanfiction writer… DeathDealerInc, where do you get off?! We’re not some kind of supreme author, we’re people who literally write things on the internet for free! Contrary to some beliefs, people who decide that, for whatever reason, they’re better than canon and can just patronize the critics who think they aren’t are not generally correct about it! This is coming from the guy who literally wrote an entire rewrite of all of canon because I hated how dirty a character I loved was done - do I think it’s better than canon? Yes, personally, but people aren’t wrong if they disagree! Taste is subjective like that you illiterate nonce!

Caeldori: Speaking as a young adult myself, it's the idea that you're on the top of the world and can do no wrong, only for adulthood to hit you and isekai you into reality. DDI certainly has had that awakening. This is why age limits exist for social media, kids, not just to protect kids from harmful stuff, but also from them posting stupid stuff that will haunt them in adulthood.

Yoona: And that's a wrap for this chapter. We didn't really have much to say that the sporkers haven't said, but we'll see in the future. Hello Azalin, and don't forget to click.

Current Mood: confused

Notes for Reference: Mikoto is actually the daughter of a Nohrian commoner and Hoshidan noble (both with Vallite ancestry) who ran away to Valla to be together. Mikoto was later adopted by the Vallite royal family, who had befriended her parents before their deaths and took her in after. This is to make it so Hisame, who is Azura's son and Midori, who is Corrin's daughter, do not have issues in being together. Both Corrin and Azura know about this.

After the war, enough power was granted to Lilith to return to her human form. She now works happily as both an advisor and guardian of the children. Sakura also talks normally now to show that she has grown out her stuttering phase. Now that Corrin is Queen of Valla, and with Takumi now in Nohr, Hinoka decided to study up on politics and take up royal responsibilities alongside Ryoma, as his right hand. They both agreed that Hinoka should have some preparation in the case anything happens to Ryoma before Shiro is old enough to, as the populace wouldn't trust Leo acting as regent.

Also this makes use of children born from M/M and F/F pairings, made possible via omegaverse rules. Omegas are the mothers and alphas the fathers. Betas are normal humans and therefore only beta females can be mothers and same for beta males as fathers. The children do not have dynamics yet as they are children and have not presented (which happens in their teenage years and works like puberty)

Deeprealms do not exist, so all children were born either during or after the war. Also onigokko is Japanese for tag, and nawatobi is Japanese for jump rope.

The reason of Hoshidan hostility is based on real life Japan, who is unwelcoming at best to mixed children. My English tutor had a cousin who married a Japanese exchange student, moved to Japan with her, then moved back to Canada with his family due to bullying his mixed children experienced. Also realistically, expecting all of Hoshido to forgive Nohr's invasions and the deaths of the King and however many soldiers and civilians is not feasible. Some nobles are bitter over having to give up resources to Nohr as part of helping Nohr improve their situation while other feel like Ryoma and Takumi marrying Nohrians is a betrayal to their country.

Children References:

Midori and Kana: Corrin (omega female) and Kaze's (alpha male) daughter and son

Hisame and Shigure: Azura (omega female) and Hinata's (beta male) sons

Shiro and Forrest: Leo (omega male) and Ryoma's (alpha male) sons

Siegbert and Kiragi: Takumi (omega male) and Xander's (alpha male) sons

Tsurugi: Hana (omega female) and Hinoka's (alpha female) son

Asugi: Sakura (omega female) and Saizo's (alpha male) son *Sakura named him Asugi because she didn't want him to grow up having the burden of the Saizo legacy while he was still young

Caeldori and Nina: Subaki (omega male) and Niles's (alpha male) daughters

Sophie: Setsuna (omega female) and Silas's (beta male) daughter

There are other children who have been born and exist at this time, they just happen to not be present.

Also a quick rundown on where everyone is living: Takumi lives with Xander in Nohr as Prince Consort of Nohr, and Leo lives with Ryoma in Hoshido as Prince Consort of Hoshido. Because Leo now lives in Hoshido, Niles also lives in Hoshido with Subaki, as Sakura and Saizo still remain in Hoshido. Hinata is still Takumi's retainer, though now he works as an envoy in Valla for both Nohr and Hoshido so he can stay by Azura's side. Setsuna similarly is still Hinoka's retainer but also lives in Valla with Silas, who became the Vallite Captain of the Guards.

Also the older kids speaking with such foul words? Bad parenting effects.

( Like Mother, Like Daughter )

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: Castle Shirasagi
Current Music: Prelude to Disaster

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Caeldori, Ignatius, Kanaki, Kanny and Kanaze

Caeldori: Well, our parents took the brunt of the complete massive mess that was chapter 3, so now it's our turn to endure the teenage trainwreck that is ABD.

Kanaze: It's also my first time on here! Which is confusing yes since there are three Kanas in this rotation, but that's why we have our distinguishing names based on our papas!

Ignatius: Anyway, onwards to the next...

Boyd the Reaver: …you egomaniacal fuckmuffin.

Keaton: *visibly nauseous* Apparently, it is a stretch. I forgot this Corrin is a nymphomaniac without a functioning brain...

Kay: I just… wha… you tried to kill him, you dumbass! How, in the name of all that is holy, do you think he’s even attracted to you, let alone want to date you?! You just know Secret Agent Gunter is trying to decide he should be more thankful or ashamed he’s planning to pull one over on someone I think forgets to breathe!

Leliel: “ Because everyone is attracted to the Sue, amiright?!” Leaving alone that, spoiler alert, he does betray her by the end of this chapter, it’s just stupid to assume “oh, the guy I tried to kill, like, totally has the hots for me and not crushing my skull in his mind!”

Charlotte: Honey, Corrin, listen close: when someone is being deliberately unsettling, that generally means they’re threatening you. Lust has nothing to do with it, you nonce!

Kanny: In a better story, she would have been called out on it and it be the sign of some serious screws loose.

Kanaki: Except in that story it would probably be her retainers fearing for their lives under the terrible liege they're under. Because this isn't protagonist material.

Kanaze: In a way, this could have worked with her as a protagonist only in the sense that she's been so deprived of love and affection that she has a warped sense of what it is, and this is what happens from isolation breaking her mind. But screw mental complexity, that's for adult writers who know what they're doing!

Keaton: *catches on* Precisely! The only reason Saizo isn’t forcefeeding Corrin the business end of Ganglari right now is because of raw luck! If he catches on, it’s likely he won’t care that she's the missing princess! Mikoto’s family could go rot for all he cares if her daughter took his!

Leliel: …I would say Saizo would hold back his rage, maybe, but then I recognized that “murdered my brother in cold blood” would probably send anyone ballistic, and Saizo is, ah, not the most stoic. My mistake.

Kanaze: Pfft, Uncle Saizo's reaction to Mama nonlethally subduing Fort Jinya in Revelations was to conclude that he needed to burn himself for the sake of bringing her and Aunt Azura down, which only didn't happen because of Papa and Aunt Sakura vouching for them. Not the most stoic is an understatement.

Kay: *expression freezes* …unlike some people I can point at. You live in a crossing to Nohr! Spies will stop here on the way out! … I’m calling the commander here Captain Baka from now on, since he doesn’t get a name.

FIXING WHAT AIN’T BROKE: 39

"You are right on the border."

"Look pal, I've been stationed over this literal hellhole for 15 years and in 15 years I've never so much as laid eyes on a Norhian! Nobody comes here!"

Caeldori: This whole Captain Baka exchange is probably worth A Dimmer Light points for making the Hoshidan side of the border guard look stupid and incompetent.

"Two words; volume control. And as for my business, I just need to have a chat with your commander. I have a message from my father; you made of heard of him, all you need to do is look at a gold coin."

Jude: *winces* So… much… smug. Can’t… look… directly. Needs… to.. shut… up…

Boyd the Reaver: Fucking hell, how much of a pristine little shit do you have to be there? I almost want to sucker punch Corringula now.

Ignatius: *deep sigh* Diplomacy, Corringula. Ever heard of it? Or did you skip those classes for casual prisoner murder?

"I don't think we need a spook to handle four little girls," said the commander, "I give the orders around here, not you, ninja. Just take your provisions and scurry back into your hiding holes while I see what this is all about."

Leliel: Given how the princess does not seem to be traveling with an armed entourage, I’d be a little more concerned about where the big men with swords are. But, ‘nobody comes here’, so in Captain Baka’s, er, ‘mind’, I imagine he thinks the ground ate them.

Kanaki: Either that or he takes it at face value and in a land of ninjas, doesn't think they're hiding somewhere ready to spring at any second.

Caeldori: For that matter, who is the commander to boss around Saizo? Saizo is a royal retainer, which is not small title and part of that is handling affairs for Lord- I mean Uncle Ryoma. I get that as a ninja, he's more covert about the title, but that doesn't mean he's a pushover!

Kaze would have to wait another day.

Charlotte: *sputters* Wait. So, in this fic, the reason he’s here is -

Leliel: Because he’s worried about his little brother, and is holding out hope of rescuing him. Which is pointless, and thus, shows how dark the world is, that he’s on a pointless quest! That makes this whole scene meaningful, and not anything like “he gives Captain Baka a clue!”

Kanaze: Ugh, after what happened to Papa in the story, I don't see this going well. Though missed opportunity in Uncle Saizo being the true protagonist and having his vengeance arc.

When they were let through the gate, every soldier glared at them like demons were breaking down their door; she supposed from their perspective, that was exactly what was going on. The commander that met them barely even bothered with the pretense of being cordial when he greeted them.

Charlotte: *Corringula* “Like, weird! You’d think I’d have insulted them all with how great my dad is - oh, wait…”

Keaton: In all seriousness… Something tells me we’re supposed to think this is an early sign of how racist Hoshidans are, instead of, y’know, being a little peeved a spoiled princess just charged into their fort like she owned the place.

Caeldori: If you consider Hoshido's point of view, Nohr's king tricked and murdered their king, then stole their princess. Why wouldn't they be suspicious and wary of the royalty, especially someone acting as entitled as Corringula?

She might have gone easy on the commander, if he'd been a bit more polite, but based on this treatment she didn't have much choice to but see how far she could push him; "No women around here, I'm noticing. That explains all the uptightness around here. Your boys look like they're desperate for a woman's touch; don't look at me, though. I'm a patriot."

Kay: …no choice, except for this dumb plan and banking nobody is just going to get sick of you and demand the message before you rub your breasts in their faces and mock them.

Ignatius: Again, better story in someone seeing her desperate sexual desires as a red flag and getting her therapy for it. Would have at least offered a compelling character arc.

"...We don't have wine."

Corrin gasped, "No wine, no sex; how do you guys get through the day? This really is a hellholl!"

Leliel: *gapes at the misspelling* “...how the sweet hell do you do that? The L and the E aren’t even that close to each other on a keyboard!

Boyd the Reaver: Likewise, how the sweet fuck do you assume there’s wine? From an oriental country different in culture to yours? Idiot.

Kanny: Other hobbies don't exist I guess! And neither do other drinks!

Corrin was pretty sure she could see a vein bulging out of the commander's forehead, "What is it you want, Nohrian?!"

"Well, a strong man and a locked room with a barrel of wine is pretty high on my list, but since you're selfishly denying me that, some water will do nicely. I'm parched."

Keaton: *Captain Baka’s Smart Twin* “I can get you two out of three. Guards, put this jagoff in the cell until she stops whining!”

The commander slammed his hands on the table and stared at her with an angry glare. "What. Is. Garon's. Message?"

Corrin smirked at him, "Oh, is that what you want? Well you should have just said so." She didn't feel the need to point out Felicia's exit while his eyes were focused on her. If he were a smart commander, he would have figured it out for himself

Jude: …fair enough.

Keaton: The part where this man is oddly patient as the scheme demands for Corrin’s benefit isn’t, but apart from being not at all a realistic distraction for a supposedly more realistic universe, sneaking Felicia in as a spy while Corrin plays ambassador is a smart play.

Kanny: The problem is this is ruined by the fact Corringula acts like a smug, entitled drunkard with serious nymphomania.

Leliel: Seriously. This entire few paragraphs is stretched because it’s about 60% Felicia fretting. I get it, she’s nervous about a sneaking mission when she’s not done anything like it before. Thing is, five paragraphs of it is the very definition of filler; it doesn’t make me feel tense, it makes me wonder if the author is getting paid by the sentence.

Kay: Not to mention, if it’s that hard on her - there’s another maid right there who’s a lot more confident: Flora. The lady who, before being retconned within the same chapter, suggested this plan. Seems like you put a scared puppy on the prowl when the trained wolf is right there.

Kanny Here is foreshadowing that DDI was being overambitious with his story and needing to stretch things out with filler.

Kanaki: Yeah not sure why Flora wasn't put on it. I guess Felicia's clumsy maid schtick was easier to write about compared to Flora's icy (pun not intended) complexity.

Charlotte: See, this is more convincing, realistic dark. Still a bit wordy, but both Felicia and Saizo are acting intelligently and competently; Saizo is threatening her, to be certain, but it’s quite clear he wants her alive to interrogate, otherwise he would just stab her instead of knocking her out. He does so after she puts up a competent escape attempt, and if he didn’t have the chloroform rag, she’d likely have escaped. It’s quick, brutal, and shows cunning by both fighters, and I’d love to see more.

Caeldori: It really is a scene of logical outcomes and better darker aspects of war and ambush. Rare moment of Teenage DDI with some sense of clarity.

Ignatius: Yeah, real missed potential here. If only Teenage DDI wasn't running on the Game of Thrones edge and misguided contempt.

"Hmm?" Corrin tilted her ear up at the sound of the commotion outside, "Oh, sounds like the killing has started."

Kana: …this kind, I think. Nice ‘heroic’ taunt, Not-Dad.

Kanaki: Evil Mama really acts like a sociopath, doesn't she? Kinda creepy how flippant she acts about something like killing.

The commander appeared reasonably confused, "What the bloody hell are you on about?"

Leliel: …apparently, Captain Baka does not know what the sound of shouting and chaos is. I’d ask why a military commander doesn’t know, but given who he is, I suspect he was too busy ranting at the instructor of “Noises You Should Not Hear 101” for not letting him eat lunch in class.

Caeldori: I'd seriously be questioning who is his equally stupid superior for letting someone like this be assigned to something as important as the political border of two kingdoms with tensions between them. Really showing the competency of Hoshido here.

Kanaki: You're a border guard for crying out loud! You should be concerned especially when the history of Nohr is of being an aggressor and trying to conquer you! And has killed your king and kidnapped your princess!

The commander was knocked to the ground by the impact, and Corrin wasted no time getting over him, stepping her foot on his neck to keep him down before drawing her sword and slashing his throat open.

Kay: And here lies Captain Baka, who died as he lived; with his head up his own butt and outwitted by halfway competent people. Rumor has it his soul walks the earth to this day, screaming at the grim reaper he doesn’t need directions.

Keaton: *shiver* That was… sadistic. And pointless, one could easily capture him and use him as a hostage to get the fort to stand down.

Kanny: And thankfully improving the Hoshidan gene pool!

Ignatius: A hostage situation could have worked, but considering that the evil counterpart of my mother isn't very merciful to Hoshidans, as seen with Kaze and Rinkah, it would probably be contradictory.

Kanaze: Speaking of hostage situations, in Clover's ABO story, Niles is able to convince Garon and his cronies to not instantly kill a captured Papa and Midori because they have worth as hostages, being Mama's husband and daughter. He argues that dangling hope just out of reach for Mama would make her suffer more and give in easier rather then killing them because it would just spark furious vengeance. In the wrong story, they could easily be killed for shock value.

Kay: *looking very sick now* So… many… POV… jumps…

Keaton: *almost as sick* Bright side… he’s still the smart character...

Caeldori: Tell me about it, POV Jumps are usually per chapter, not per paragraph. Even my guilty pleasure romance novels know that! At the very least Saizo is the only Hoshidan with a braincell. But seriously, *Frederick Voice* pick a perspective and stay!

Leliel: …has this author played Fates?

Jude: I suppose this could be an attempt towards realism, with Saizo simply not being trained for direct fights… when the author is still using the knife-throwing maids.

Kay: Seriously! If you’re going to use that bit of “actual ninja’s are assassins, not frontline fighters”, make Nohiran maids poisoners or magicians! That gives them a similar role, and helps worldbuild Nohr’s idea of sneakiness!

Kanny: Teenage DDI: Of course not! I don't have the attention span to see little details that add to the context of the world of Fates and I'm writing by the seat of my pants! Ninjas just aren't as cool as the knife maids!

Leliel: …yeah, touche. I’ll remember that. But here, I just realized why the author makes ninjas worse in a straight-up fight than maids - because that means the Hoshidans fight less honorably. That’s how you know you aren’t supposed to sympathize with them, unlike the noble Corringula, attacking under cover of parlay, which I’m pretty sure is a real-world war crime! I’m going to be relaxed on this given how it’s a dark fic that isn’t supposed to shy away from the dirty side of war, especially when it involves Nohr being a desperate hellscape, but this? I’ll take “double standard” for 200, Alex!

Kanaki: Teenage DDI: Silly sporkers, there is no honour! Honour is for pussies! Also favouritism! Hoshido too good so gotta make Hoshido bad in every way possible! At least I'm not SilverShadow1711 who also needs to make Hoshido extreme OOC assholes!

CORRIN

Kay: *can’t hold it in any longer, pukes into bag*

Charlotte: Meanwhile, on the other side of the likability and genuine intelligence spectrum...

"Well, shit."

Ignatius: Foul language aside, that's pretty much our reactions to being stuck with her again. Also ugh, I also feel sick from these switches. Caeldori's right, committing on one is generally more smoother and less clunky. This feels like a Frankenstein of a chapter stitched together.

"Not this time," said Jakob, "It's time for a tactical retreat, for now."

As tired as she was, Corrin wasn't exactly on board for that idea either, "We can't go back to father empty handed!"

Kay: I refer you to Leliel’s remarks on how this is the ghost of a much better story about coming to terms with abuse and being a living weapon. Because I actually really like this; it’s irrational and stupid, but for a completely human, understandable reason.

Kanaze: A rare moment of the real Mama showing inside Evil Mama's cover. Perhaps that better story would exist if it didn't suffer from a severe case of Edgy Teenager Syndrome.

"Lady Corrin!" Corrin saw Lilith stand over her with a look of fear on her face. She didn't even see it coming, though Corrin had a perfect view, when Han's ax cut straight into her back. Lilith's eyes went wide as it cut through her spine, then kicked her loose. She fell in the dirt next to her, her lifeless eyes staring into Corrin's own, vacant and empty

*long pause*

Boyd the Reaver: …well, fuck you too, author!

WE’RE GONNA NEED MORE BIFROST STAVES: 3

Leliel: And this, right here, is where I realized just how spiteful this fic is, and how little it understands about the story. See, in canon, Lilith here is two things. One, she’s the keeper of My Castle, the game’s “home base” mechanic. Two, she’s actually a Manakete like Corrin - an Astral Dragon, as mentioned.

Kanny: Being a bit of a devil's advocate here, I think the Teenage DDI just didn't know what to do with her and needed some dead characters with names to highlight the Dark and Edgy.

Leliel: Not to mention, if you’ll flash back to everything we’ve said about Garon - we’ve explicitly outlined how his canon actions are based on the motive that Nohr failing is a win state for him! Literally everything he is and does is based around making sure nobody survives! Hence, the reason he doesn’t seem to have that many backup plans is because the destruction to the side he’s ostensibly leading is the backup plan!

Boyd the Reaver: But because this author is a moron who wants to prove himself a better writer than the actual paid people behind Fates, but doesn’t actually want to think out the canon implications and change the plot accordingly, we are instead supposed to believe that Garon is some kind of tactical genius for thinking the purely human toddler is going to be an arch-loyal supersoldier!

Kanaze: Moron is a bit of a harsh word for an edgy teenager, but it is also true that he was in over his head in attempting something as ambitious as our world without my insane grandfather. It's not impossible to write, but it requires a deeper understanding of the story and elements of what little worldbuilding it has to offer in order to make it work. A surface level skim of the content doesn't cut it.

Keaton: Who have proven themselves worthy of the title because they have brought an end to this chapter! Thank dragons.

Boyd the Reaver: Minus one, who is probably relieved he isn’t part of this mess.

Leliel: Unfortunately, we still are - join us next time, when Hoshido ends up joining us, and we get a full overview of how stupid the loss of the sun is!

Kanaki: Finally, we made it to the finish line. Pack your sunscreen next chapter though, because the sun's debut is going to be a painful one.

Current Mood: bitchy

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Yoona, Subaki, Irene, Benny, Kaze

Yoona: We're back, and we're not excited for what we have.

Theresia: Also, don’t think I didn’t notice we didn’t even catch Kaze’s name. How very much he was valued, given how he defects to Nohr in the Conquest route. I feel like there could be a lot of tension as he loses faith in Hoshido and eventually Nohr’s sympathetic traits win him over, but no. He gets to be part of this stupid game that nearly had a very stupid prize. How worthwhile.

Kaze: I chose to follow the Avatar on Conquest because I recognized they want peace and to stop the vicious cycle of battle and vengeance. But of course, everyone is supposed to be the bad guy and pacifism is spineless.

Benny: You can really tell the work of Teenage DDI's spite against any canon points of the gray-on-grey morality of the two kingdoms.

Leliel: I think I can guess the reason for this change… and I suspect that it’s an early sign of what this Hoshido’s attitude is towards outsiders. No dirty mouths around their food! And also a way dumber idea than the pacification barrier, because even from a realpolitik standpoint, simply having it that an army can’t take food from you but can deal with you fairly for it is a good way to have them eating out of your hands in a month.

Yoona: Hoshido isn't a bad place, they're just out of touch. Besides, I suppose trade is something that's just out of the question?

Subaki: Darling, it's at least better than The Road Not Trekked, in which we're constantly throwing around fantasy slurs that didn't occur in canon. Yes, Hinoka and Oboro use the "Nohrian scum/filth" a lot, but it wasn't like we were allergic to working with Nohrians. Silas even earns the respect of both Hinoka and Oboro, and that's not to say of the other Hoshidans such Lord Ryoma. I worry of Boyd and Leliel if they spork that, it makes DDI's Hoshido look progressive in comparison.

Iago stepped out from his place in the shadows, "My lords and ladies, it's an honor," he began, "As his highness said, it is Queen Mikoto's energy that fuels the barrier separating our two nations. That means there is a limit to how much strain it can take. You'll remember the work you have all been doing for the past year to mobilize our forces around the barrier; a concentrated assault from all sides, and without warning, would be all it takes of overwhelm Mikoto, sapping her strength and her ability to maintain her shield. Afterwards, our forces will be in the perfect position to resume our campaign."

"Would that work?" Asked Leo

"I have it on the word of several esteemed mages," said Iago

Irene: Why is this greasy asshole here anyway? In canon, Garon keeps him around because he's really Anankos being a misanthropic bitter dragon who hates humanity and thinks they just plot and betray each other and Iago is a good example. Why should the "better" Garon be keeping a scheming cowardly mage like him? I know my son already addressed this but it bears repeating.

"Yea, screw you too," laughed Corrin, "I suppose by your estimations, I'll probably end up at the bottom of the bottomless pit by nightfall."

Benny: That would actually do both kingdoms a favour.

"And you must be Jackal, the handsome butler. I hear you're quite the warrior with those knives of yours."

"It's Jakob, your majesty, and I only train to be capable of any task that might be required of me."

Velouria: *groaning growl* This is very much going to be a thing…

Charlotte: It was only a slightly funny gag to begin with, but it also comes off as Corrin not really being clear on what Jakob’s name is to her friends and family. Not a good look.

Boyd the Reaver: No kidding. Behold, misnaming individuals for le funny memays and cringe comedy, because no nadir moment is ever low enough! Our heroes, everyone.

Irene: Camilla knows Jakob's name just fine in canon, Teenage DDI just can't decide whether he wants it to be edgy or be of low budget comedy.

"How touching...am I interrupting?"

The man approached from the same place Jakob and Lilith. Lilith immediately recoiled at the sight of him, and Corrin could understand why; she knew the face of a dangerous killer when she saw one.

"My name is Hans," the scarred man said, "I see you got the king's present."

*long silence*

Boyd the Reaver: *stunned silent* Th… The messenger…

Theresia: The messenger…

Jude: …is Hans.

Benny: This... this is just shoehorning characters without thought of how this would have played out in canon.

Beast Velouria: GARON, HOW DO YOU REMEMBER TO BREATHE!? UNDER WHICH PARTICULAR CONCUSSION MASQUERADING AS A PLAN WAS THIS A GOOD IDEA!? YOU ARE PUTTING A SERIAL KILLER ON DEATH ROW DEFENDING A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM! AND NOT JUST ANY SERIAL KILLER, BUT A POSSIBLE RAPIST GOING BY THE DESCRIPTIONS, ONE WHO OPENLY HATES ROYALTY! SUCH AS, I DON’T KNOW, THE WOMAN WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM! AT THIS POINT I’M PRAYING THAT IT TURNS OUT YOU DESPISE CORRIN AND ARE ACTUALLY ABUSIVE, BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU’D BE PROOF THAT ONE CAN EXIST WITHOUT A BRAIN, AND SO PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF PHILOSOPHICAL ZOMBIES YOU ADDLED, INBRED MORON! GRRRWAAAAGGH!

Irene: Well said, my alternate universe daughter. Krystal would be proud of that. As for why, Teenage DDI seems to be unable to decide whether he wants to make Gritty changes or stick to how things played out in canon. And Shocked Pikachu Face, things go badly!

Leliel: I don’t have the space or desire to go into another historical lecture, but suffice to say, there’s a reason convicts are generally not drafted into armies anymore, and why actual murderous offenders almost never are drafted even in countries that use convict draftees. To go back to a World War II example, look up Dr. Oskar Dirlewanger and how his battalion managed to disgust even his Nazi co-workers. (Not linking, it’s major trigger warning level stuff.)

Kaze: I get that there was an attempt at redemption and trying to reform criminals in a way that lets them have honest work but it doesn't work like this! He's not Jean Valjean who was left condemned for stealing bread and trying to escape, which also left him with a criminal record that denied him honest work, forcing him to break parole and impersonate! TVTropes notes that Rape is A Special Kind of Evil for a good reason. It's a sign of someone who is past redemption, past any sense of good left. It's a good thing DDI grew up and realized offhand rape mentions do no favours in edgy media.

Corrin crossed her arms, "Why would I want a bodyguard who shits himself at the sign of actual danger and runs away?"

Theresia: *weirdly draconic hiss* Did you forget the fact he was quite willing to fight you until you killed his two teammates in what seemed like a single blow, you harridan?

Irene: So you'll focus on what makes him more pitiful and pathetic as opposed to the actual crimes he was convicted of. What a wonderful moral compass you have, Corringula.

"You must understand, my lady...you are quite the intimidating presence," said Hans, "In an ordinary battle, I am quite capable. I suppose, if you truly object, you could always make a complaint to your father…"

"No, it's not worth the effort," Corrin waved her hand, "You can stay...just quit creeping out my maids."

Hans bowed, "Of course…"

Theresia: *as Felicia* “Then I’ll prepare the complaint form for your father to transfer away the obvious predator from us given how obviously uncomfortable we are and - oh wait, you’re Corringula. You don’t actually care about us.”

Yoona: You can tell like father like daughter. Corringula doesn't even think about the idea that a bitter convict would want vengeance and exploit a mission to offhandedly do something terrible, like say, murdering one of said maids.

Benny: Her maids not being worth the effort to protect from a known rapist and murderer is really something that doesn't earn affection from the readers. Then again, Teenage DDI likely thought this careless and flippant attitude was something "cool."

Jude: For the record, Secret Agent Agent Hans… needs a better title, but also isn’t a rapist or a murderer, that was something the nobility came up with to hide that his real charge was inciting a farmer revolt. Because as very recently shown by the King thinking putting a rapist in his daughter’s entourage, the nobility is the living embodiment of Hanlon’s Razor’s corollary: Sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice.

Subaki: And for that matter, the author himself is that of Hanlon's Razor. Not malicious, just young and with a warped idea of how to do darker reimaginings.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: BTS's Cyphers

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

Current Rotation: Yoona, Irene, Subaki, Benny, Kaze

Irene: Well, I'm not excited to be back here for the second time in a row.

Subaki: Me neither, but we're doing this for sake of the kids. They're all sitting out, even the older two, because we would rather spare them from witnessing the brutal murders of our companions. The things I do as a father...

Kaze: That out of the way, shall we begin?

The castle itself was already imposing enough, its spire reaching so high that it almost reached the clouds, but that dominating presence

Irene: *deep sigh* Well Boyd and Leliel's team has already commented about this to death, so let's just be glad my third incarnation, Sana, who married Niles didn't spork this with her husband. We'd never hear the end of it.

Subaki: I keep imagining how easy it would be to tip over. It's about as strategically sound as the "lion ladder" argument the billion of lions fans use as a counter against Pokémon.

"That's Norhian architecture for you," said Leo, "We may not be as pretty as the Hoshidans or have the same bountiful agriculture, but in industry we'll beat them every time. And there's no such thing as a Norhian that doesn't know hard work."
Leliel: ...ah. Yeah, I see the problem.
Theresia: Huh?
Leliel: It’s a particularly noxious strain of worldbuilding to make a nation of warriors, especially if the warriors are expected to be the sympathetic side. Nohr is cursed by its environment, so it has to be a place where *gruff voice* only the strong, only the hard survive, and the strongest and the hardest - they rule. *normal* It’s the kind of civilizational spire-waving that makes a lot of military fiction come off as testosterone-addled tripe, because ultimately, it’s made to make one side’s warriors seem all tough and gritty and oh so cool and manly. Not only is it generic, it also comes off as, well, having some unfortunate implications. “Real warriors can’t be soft or merciful, they have to be born in Darwinian hell-pits!

Benny: I can't imagine the logistics that came to build that. With the lack of resources and sun, the workforce would be depleted rather quickly... Actually come to think of it, castles were sealed with lime mortar. Saint-Astier, a provider of lime mortar, has this to say:

If the mortar dries too slowly, water held in the mortar will slow or diminish the rate of initial and possibly final set, inhibit carbonation and result in a mortar that is frost feeble. It may also be susceptible to lime migration, sufficient to cause friability in the mortar. Protection of the wall heads and functioning drainage should be in place.

Yoona: Following that logic, Nohr's buildings should have all collapsed due to the sealing, which is necessary for buildings to hold together, not being able to dry out without a sun, which also would expose them to frost! This is just another can of worms opened regarding the sunlessness! Subaki isn't far off about the tipping over comment...

The doors opened behind them, and two people were pushed through and forced to kneel. A woman, tanned to the point of being brown and wearing distinctly tribal clothing, and a man, while not brown as his companion, had a distinct shade to his face

Kaze: *already sharpening his shuriken in annoyance* First of all, "tribal" is a very culturally insensitive way of referring to Rinkah. Second of all, my skin is lighter than either Niles or Benny, both who are Nohrians.

Jude: *pause, then slowly growing grin* Kaze, you sly old bastard.
Boyd the Reaver: Huh? …oh. Oh. Doitdoitdoit -
It was only when he raised his knife that Corrin realized what he was planning to do. Corrin kicked the woman straight in the knee to get her to back off for a second then charged for the ninja. His arm was almost fully extended when she caught up to him, and she swiftly cut her sword through his arm, severing it entirely just as the knife left his palm. The interruption causing it to land harmlessly in front of Garon's feet.
Boyd the Reaver: …BULLSHIT!
Velouria: Dammit! And I was really looking forward to Kaze being the main character who managed to turn his execution into a major Hoshidan victory, or at least a major antagonist. Ah well, back to the one part of the fic that’s tolerable-

Kaze: Unfortunately, given the length of the fanfiction, I had already deduced contrivance would make my counterpart's attempt of shortening the story a failed endeavour. Taeyeon had the foresight to at least let me settle with this. *throws shuriken into a Garon portrait and nails it dead centre in his face*

Yoona: Teen DDI is really just writing like the old kid treehouse saying "No Girls Allowed" except here it's "No Hoshidans Allowed."

Velouria: ...unlike our main character, who seems to have not figured out the fact that, I don’t know, this man is doing the low, dirty deed of trying to kill someone who is openly angling for a war with Kaze’s home country and ordered his execution by gladiatorial arena-slash-proving ground. You could have some empathy, if you’re supposed to be someone sympathetic!

Irene: Well, you know the saying, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Corringula already plays dirty with prisoners, what moral ground does she have to stand on with such a lecture.

Subaki: Even then, there are plenty of methods of knocking the dagger off course without going straight to severing arms. But that would require actual skill, and not savage butchery like Corringula knows.

"Just finish it Corrin, it's just like any other prisoner," said Leo
"Decisions such as these is our responsibility as royalty," said Xander
"Dearest, there are some things you just can't avoid. Better to get it over with quickly than to think about it too hard," said Camilla
"I mean, I know it's not fun and all...but I really don't want to lose you, big sister," even Elise

Kaze: *throws second shuriken at Garon's face with an angered sharpness* I have lived on all three routes out of the shared sense of mercy of these four. Not only Lord Leo who faked mine and Rinkah's execution, but Lady Camilla and Lady Elise also cared enough, even if it was on my wife's behalf. As for Lord Xander, here is an exchange we share in the C support about our encounter:

Kaze: Thank you, milord. Heh. It's a funny thing, fighting at your side. When we first met, I never would have dreamed it possible.
Xander: I feel the same. Fate is a tempest that leads us down the most unexpected of paths.
Kaze: Too true. Say, do you remember our first meeting? When I was captured and taken to Nohr... I was prepared to die, right in front of you, and expected it fully. And yet...I live on, somehow. I am very thankful for that.
Xander: You do. And it is all thanks to Corrin and Leo. If you wish to express your gratitude, you ought to tell them.
Kaze: Perhaps. But you cooperated with them as well. You did not have to do even that. It may have meant your life, after all. You deserve my gratitude as well.
Xander: It was what Corrin desired. And even as your enemy, I knew it would have been a waste.
Kaze: A waste?
Xander: Yes. I watched you fight, remember? You moved gracefully, even when wounded. I felt that if you had joined our army, you would have been a tremendous asset. To murder you on the palace floor like a dog would have been...dishonorable.

Yoona: My brother has his own sense of Nohrian honour that he sticks to, for better or for worse. Way to totally assassinate him.

Irene: Well said my other half. That's also Nohr's redeeming trait, that anyone with a decent skill of fighting and an honourable spirit is a worthy option. The whole Conquest route is about us quietly rebelling again Garon, not being their execution dogs like we're Hans!

"Hmm...as I suspected," Garon said, "I'm correct in assuming everyone you have ever fought and killed up to this moment had been armed." Corrin nodded, "It appears that when the adrenaline runs through your veins and your life is on the line, you have no issue with killing your foes. You might even take pleasure in the challenge of it, in triumphing over a foe, proving your skill and relishing in the thrill of battle. But it is the battle that drives you, the kill is nothing more than a byproduct. Against an unarmed enemy, such enthusiasm is diminished. How can you possibly justify killing someone who has no ability to fight back?"

Subaki: This... this just hurt my brain to read. What an utter lack of regard for life. For that matter, I guess trying to extort information is for spineless cowards, even if they were going to executed after giving information anyway.

Kaze: Also note she doesn't care that we're just Hoshidans trying to do our duty to our kingdom, only about being unarmed. Apparently, our crime is equal to that of rapists and murderers. How compassionate and egalitarian.

"Know this," Garon continued, "An unarmed enemy is no less dangerous. The seed of rebellion is still growing strong in them, and given the opportunity, they will strike again. Just look upon the ninja; he was a prisoner, subdued, defeated. Yet he had no issue with making an attempt on my life the moment the opportunity presented itself, and would do so again in a heartbeat if he survived this day. An enemy is always dangerous, no matter how weak they may appear, and you must treat them as ruthlessly as you would if they were attacking you. You must learn this lesson now, before you reach the battlefield; the most dangerous enemies will often be the ones who aren't armed. Do you understand?"

Yoona: Father dearest has clearly never heard of the trope Don't Create A Martyr. Killing a brave soldier on the line of duty, especially as his last stand is trying to take down the warmongering king, is a great way to give the people an inspirational figure to rally behind. They're not going to fear death because the martyr figure is behind them!

Irene: Besides, you know how conquerers get successful with conquests? Treating their conquered well to show that surrender is better for them than resistance. Killing them with kindness, however backhanded, yields better results. If they know they're going to die anyway, well, as Leliel's team has said in the future, that just suggests to them that they as well remain defiant to the end and go down fighting.

Benny: Also, I suppose Garon has never heard of every self-fulfilling prophecy in which an evil ruler razes the chosen one's town to prevent his downfall. There's always people who get away, who survive. Just ask Aang, Po, Jesus or Moses,

Yoona: Well much like the sporking team needs a second part to pick apart the philosophical mess that is Garon's policies, we will also need to have an intermission. Hooray...

Current Mood: aggravated

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

Current Rotation: Irene, Subaki, Kanny, Caeldori, Midori

Irene: Well, my counterparts took an arrow in the knee for the first chapter, but now it's my turn.

"Yes, I'm sorry about that; father has been keeping us busy this past year."
Boyd the Reaver: Wait, wait, wait. Isn’t their assignment in canon to watch over Corrin? Why would they be away for a year when the Nohrian royals periodically visit regularly?

Irene: You know, if the story actually did dark, realistic fallout, it could have had Corringula's sadistic prisoner torment and sexual escapades be the result of a psychotic breakdown from the isolation. Maybe her character could have some semblance of tragedy as the loneliness gets to and drains her empathy and she runs through humans, sexually and literally, just to feel something... Unfortunately, Teen DDI hasn't thought that far and is in general allergic to good ideas.

"I'm sorry, my lords, I was told that she was breaking her fast here…" The guard tried to explain, before they saw her descending down the staircase
Velouria: ‘Breaking her fast’? I know we sound a bit formal to your world’s ears, but come on. Charlotte refers to a lunch box, for crying out loud!
Charlotte: Yeah, that’s just straight-up ignoring characters’ mannerisms of speech, for the gods’ sake! I don’t ever use that sort of speech, for crying out loud!

Caeldori: Father and I can speak rather formally. I can assure we have never spoken in that manner. Also I suppose we're ignoring the casual prisoner murder?

Subaki: If anything, this more like Flayn from Three Houses, who spoiler, turns out to be secretly 1000s of years old and has an antiquated way of speaking. Actually, given the guards are low ranked, why are they speaking so formally?

Boyd the Reaver: Oh, I’m not done. Thing is, though - design is not character. It’s a part of character, but it doesn’t substitute. There’s a reason animes who you can guess the characterization of at a glance at the designs are generally regarded as shallow. And the thing about Camilla is that her design is a way to help make the revelation that she’s broken a surprise - and I say that as somebody who doesn’t even like her that much! See, out of all the Nohrian siblings, Camilla’s had the worst of it, and it shows - all of her motherly behavior and flirting? It’s a way to patch over just how desperate she is to connect with people after having been a tool her entire life. It becomes clear if you don’t side with Nohr, but Camilla is not entirely sane, and even in Conquest, she shows signs of how desperate she is to have something in her life she’s happy about. She’s just stable there because Corrin hasn’t done a merry jig on her triggers. Does it justify her lack of character? No, but it definitely isn’t a justification to assume one’s one-note because of it!
Leliel: But nope, we can’t have early hints of canon trauma in a darkfic. That’d get in the way of completely unneeded comic relief in the key of the bleeding obvious sex humor!

Kanny: Aunt Camilla is actually pretty well fleshed out in fanmade supports. It's amazing what actual fans can do! In fairness, teenagers have short attention span so that's probably why these actual issues are glossed over.

"A message from the Northern Fortress, my lord." Iago announced upon entering his throne room, "They say the Hoshidan has passed her trial yesterday, ." He deliberately avoided using Corrin's name, to dehumanize her in his own eyes. It was a prejudice that Garon put up with because he was loyal, and useful, to Nohr.

Kanny: Hey does Garon keep Iago around because he's actually Anankos's puppet and therefore doesn't give two hoots about Corrin? The fact the sans-Anankos Garon tolerates this is really not winning any prizes. Also TVTropes's Fridge even notes Nohr is less racist than Hoshido. Hoshidan defectors like Mozu and Kaze are treated with less suspicion and hostility in Conquest compared to Silas and Jakob on Birthright. This is removing valid canonical points of Nohr not being as bad of a nation as it is on the surface!

"Hey, what are you two talking about?" Elise rode her steed beside the carriage, peering through the window
"Just catching Corrin up on all she missed, dearie."
"Why does she look...dead?"
Corrin forced out a smile, "I just...stayed up a bit late, that's all…"
"Oh, well I guess that makes sense."
Velouria: It’s minor, but I don’t think Auntie Elise was ever that naive. She knows what Camilla’s mother was like, so I suspect she’d know what alcohol is in a darker fic; no need to protect her from that.

Midori: And of course, where would we be without the overly moe little sisters? Ignoring the fact that Aunt Elise can be pretty sassy when she feels like it, she is also a healer and defies her father to help Corrin on all routes! Then again, her character assassination is at least less brutal than what happens to Aunt Sakura.

Irene: This was a lighter chapter compared to the last one, but it's about to increase in suck.

Midori: No kidding, I pity Father having to witness what happens to him next chapter....

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Fact Check by NCT127

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Yoona, Kanaki, Ignatius, Benny, and Taeyeon

In the dark pits of the Nohrian prison, the condemned man waited through the night. At least, he thought it was night. It had been so long since he had seen the sky, but even if he had, it still would have been difficult to tell. So oppressive was the dark that covered their land, the only way to tell the time was by the clocks; or, in his case, the meals.

Kanaki: Yeesh, way to really set the grimdark. I think I could cut myself on the edge. Then again, this is a teenager's image of what's cool.

Ignatius: We know this is Hans, but setting up with a death row criminal really doesn't sell well for first impressions.

It wasn't as if the man didn't deserve it; he was absolutely guilty of his crimes. He was a liar, a thief, a murderer. He knew all of this, but why should he be punished for his crimes when their rulers walked free for the same things? No, he wasn't being punished for any wicked deeds; he was being punished for being poor. Such was the world he'd been born in; the world of famine, disease, poverty, and decay that the rest of the world shunned and tried to pretend just didn't exist. The world of Nohr.

Benny: Nohr isn't that miserable. If it were, we would have long defected.

Boyd the Reaver: *deathly quiet, before cracking neck* Okay, I also want to object and emphasize that this is supposed to be our protagonist. A protagonist that, in the first few words since we’ve met her, basically is using a prisoner as free target practice under the “justification” they’re going to die anyways while also conveniently being someone who is either alleged of rape and murder… and this somehow makes it better? The only way some dumbshit fuck-headed logic like that would work is by assuming the Just-World Hypothesis, which in itself is frankly giving this scene more of a benefit of the doubt than it deserves due to effectively being used with all the tact and grace of a bad adult comedy cartoon. So in other words, straight out of the gate, the fic not only makes Corrin an utter psychopath, they fail from the get-go to make Nohr look even close to reasonable.

Yoona: I'm more than aware that Conquest Corrin's decision is... controversial to say the least. This doesn't sell me on how that decision would be a good one. Now I'm just thinking she wants blood for the blood gods when Corringula goes back to them.

Taeyeon: She comes across as a child bored of her toys and now wants a pony, except replace "toys" with "human fodder" I guess.

Leliel: Also, yeah, apparently this man is a serial killer, therefore it is good to murder him for a training exercise because the princess found trainers boring. Congrats, author, you have made me agree with the anti-royalist beliefs of the local version of H.H. Holmes.

Taeyeon: I fear for those who might have been wrongfully convicted. This is the kind of horror Shield Hero should have been subjected to if they weren't spineless about punishing Naofumi for a serious crime. Gladiatorial matches are the stuff the villainous tyranny does, not a flawed and struggling kingdom! I get Garon makes it seem that way, but it's not what his children condone!

Jude: No kidding - what kind of arbiter of justice does the author consider himself above, the gods? Either way, no point for that, but my gods that’s so childish to even suggest. Who’d come up with such a bad simile like that?!

Benny: Actually, just a teenager himself, who had his own misconceptions about a well-written darker reimagining.

Boyd the Reaver: *facepalms* Okay, apparently we have more shit to tackle just soon after that! Alright sheilah, the sheer amount of failure that the author wrote down their seems again dismissive to the attitude of royalty and why Garon even became a pawn of Anankos to begin with; he couldn’t let go of his harem, and when he grew old, they tried getting a claim to the throne. Only four of his children survived, too, and the fact that the whole clusterfuck destabilized the nation as a whole. Sure, it’s world-building that could’ve benefited from explaining beyond Camilla’s few decent supports, but come on, even that shows why Garon did a 180 and went from a decent king to a psychopath; because he died, and Anankos possessed his corpse! You think that when writing a political drama the author would get that, but nope, it’s edgy so it ‘kewl’. Which frankly makes Corrin here look ten times the idiot they ever were in canon, even at their absolute worst - because even the game doesn’t justify what they did in Conquest, and showed real consequences for it.

Yoona: Also the fact that it's an offhand trait that goes absolutely nowhere. It's just filler gratuitous sex. Then again, we can blame the teenager absorbing edgy media and crapping it out on his own work.

Ignatius: Well said, Mom- I mean Aunt Yoona. This is just one of the few examples, as we can see that offhand rape mentions will pop up quite a bit in the future. Especially when it comes to Hans and his ilk.

Beast Keaton: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DRAGON-DAMNED SUN LOOKS LIKE?! HAS THIS AUTHOR NEVER STUDIED PHOTOSYNTHESIS?! WHAT DOES THE NOHR OF THIS FIC EAT, THEIR OWN LEAVINGS?! HUH?! OR DO WE SURVIVE ON THE NUTRITIONAL FORCE OF GRIMDARK?! GHWRRRROOARR!

Benny: I'd be concerned of what the maids' breakfast they gave Corringula is made of. The Nohr established here makes me think they're not above butchering prisoners to feed the upper class. Cannibalism is canon and dehumanization is already a running issue in this fanfiction.

Taeyeon: That's all we have for today. The next rotation will have Subaki, Caeldori, Kanny, Irene and Midori just taking a quick looksee at the family dynamic. Honestly, I can't tell which one of us is better or worse...

Current Mood: blank

Original Sporking can be found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here

In which my team of three route Avatarsonas and families offer their own two cents about the whole mess that is A Brighter Dark. They're not too keen on going through this but my Birthright and Conquest Avatars get the closure of Anankos getting properly slain and seeing their deceased route siblings again and my Revelation Avatar is getting the protection from bad fanfic press. Anyway introductions! (Also yes, all of them are named and designed after KPop idols because I like KPop. Sue me)

Irene: Well since this is the Conquest Route and I'm from Conquest, my family and I will start. My name is Irene, named after Red Velvet's leader. I'm actually Clover's second Conquest incarnation because the first one married Keaton and well... having two Keatons, two Velourias, and two Kanas with the same father would rip whatever's left of the fabric of reality. I'm here to offer my own two cents about the portrayal of Corringula's behaviour and decisions, in contrast to my own actions.

Benny: The name's Benny. I'm Irene's husband. I'll be commentating on the unnecessary hardness of Nohr as a whole.

Ignatius:My dad is short on words. And I guess as his son, Ignatius, I'll assist by offering my comments about the sheer overload of grimdark tropes, because did they really have go that far ? Ugh... I'm going have nightmares after this.

Kanny: I'm the Conquest Kana! To distinguish ourselves, we're going to use the names of our dads fused with our own names! It's a nice fusion to let us be closer to our Papas! Anyway I'm going to talk about any illogical parts, because if I can spot your problems, you really got something going wrong.

Now onto the Birthright cast:

Yoona: My name is Yoona. I'm named after Girls' Generation's visual Im Yoona. I chose to side with my (not actually) birth family because I simply couldn't condone Garon's actions. And while I have trouble understanding the other side, I have my own regrets about how things have turned out. I'm here to offer my own thoughts about Corringula's relationship with the Hoshidans (or lack thereof) and how it bends over backwards to make her not side with them.

Subaki: I'm Subaki, Yoona's husband. As a perfectionist, I can understand the potential unapproachableness of Hoshidans, but we aren't as flawed as shown in ABD. As Lady Sakura's loyal retainer, I have my own choice words about the portrayal of the royals, especially my own liege. *narrows eyes*

Caeldori: I'm Caeldori, daughter of Princess Sakura's retainer Subaki and Princess Yoona. Since my father is focusing more on how the royals of Hoshido fall flat, I'll be taking a look at the other Hoshidans and picking apart their portrayals.

Kanaki: I'm Kanaki, the Kana of my Papa Subaki! I'm going to help my Papa and sister pick apart the issues with Hoshido and the problems of such a messy structure. Even my stories don't mess things up that much, so I'm not looking forward to it.

Finally, we have the Revelation family:

Taeyeon: And finally, there is me, Taeyeon. I chose a third path for myself and while I wish my other counterparts could have found the same solution I came to, I can still understand their choices in the end. Being that I'm the one who has the royals on all my side, I'm offering my critique on the royalty and how realistically, my Nohrian siblings would have defected from the sheer callous heartlessness of this Garon.

Kaze: I am Kaze, husband to Taeyeon, and father to Midori and my own Kana. As I follow Taeyeon and her incarnations no matter which path they take, I believe I am qualified to offer my nuanced perspective on both sides. I will personally be talking about the failure of ABD in having a proper sense of nuance and grey-on-gray morality.

Midori: Midori here! I'm here with my parents and alternate universe siblings to also pick apart the fic! Now, as I happen to look very much like I'd be lobotomized into a moeblob, I'll be handing out the bitter pills to the overly innocent characters and the suffering piled onto them. Because crushing the hope and innocence of the overly pure for grim points is a strong way to get people to not care about what happens!

Kanaze: And last but not least is me, Kanaze! My pointing out the holes in the story will be reserved for the effects left behind by my grandfather Anankos, whose removal raises more problems than solutions. And that's before it turns out Anankos is still in! Though that won't be brought up for a long while...

Taeyeon: In case you're wondering how our large cast will speak, we will be rotating between two Birthrights, two Conquests and one of the Revelation to act as the mediator.

Irene: We'll also be significantly nicer during chapters 1-12 since we're coming in with the knowledge that DDI regrets his past work and recognizes his flaws.

Yoona: If Jude, Theresia and their families and co-sporkers want to say hi, we'd welcome it! See you for chapter 1!

Current Mood: blah

A/N: Is it plagiarism if I self-plagiarize? It probably is but this is for my own hobby so I guess I'll do what makes things easier on me. Also content warning of some sexual references in the beginning.

--------

It was a scene of scandal. The supposedly perfect sky knight of Hoshido, fornicating with a Nohrian rogue. It had started as a moment of morbid curiosity, only for it to get farther than Subaki wanted to admit. But here in the borders of the tension-filled kingdoms, he could for once throw away all expectations of the world and embrace his inherently flawed self. Forget about the war, his image, his reputation and legacy that was expected of him.

"That was amazing," remarked Niles. "You were really into it today. Guess war really gets you hyped up?"

"Yeah... you could say that."

They had even discussed running away together. With the increased tensions caused by Nohr's invasion, the idea of running away seemed tempting. Maybe then they could build a future together, away from royalty and expectations.

But then the image of Lady Corrin flashed through Subaki's mind. Her smiles, her doubts, the blush she had around Kaze. He thinks about her holding her growing belly, and then later on little Midori. He thinks about the happiness she and Kaze shared together. And then he thinks about how it all came crashing down. He remembers the tears, the cries of despair as she is cast out of Hoshido without a chance of seeing her family again. He thinks of Kaze's anger and grief, the little cries of Midori. How a happy family was shattered just for Nohrian sympathy. That is when he realizes there is no place for him and Niles.

"We can't keep doing this." Subaki finally said.

Niles's expression was one of shock, before it morphed into confusion. The outlaw had finally opened his heart to someone, only to be rejected once again. "What about the future we talked about? The running away? Starting a family? That mean nothing now?"

Subaki's voice was similarly of masked indifference. "Lady Corrin started a family in Hoshido. It didn't mean anything. And I'm not turning my back on Hoshido. So yes, it doesn't mean anything now." "

That's fair," Niles's response was terse. "Not like I can leave Nohr anyway." I was ready to leave it all for you. But if this is how you feel, Lord Leo and Odin are all I got...

"Is that all you have to say?" Subaki asked. You're really just going to let me walk away? Please, tell me we can make this work. Tell me to run away with you, and I'll come with you.

"What the fuck do you want from me? Why ask this now when you don't want this anymore?" snapped Niles.

"I just wanted to know what all this meant to you. The antagonizing, the teasing, the way you convinced me to open, our... activities together. What was the meaning of it all?" Tell me you believe in us. Make me stay. Ask me to stay with you.

Niles wanted so badly to tell Subaki that they could let both kingdoms burn for all he cared. He wanted to take the sky knight to run away and never look back. But who was he kidding? Subaki was unattainable for someone like him. If he wasn't good enough for all his Nohrian flings, there was no hope to attain Subaki. It was a mistake to have let his heart open this much. In truth, he was afraid. Afraid of taking chances, afraid of going in too deep. It was better to end it now before it hurt more in the long run.

"Fine." Niles's reply was barbed. "It was all just a game to me. You weren't anything special."

"A game...?" Subaki's voice was one of uncharacteristic distress. "This was a game to you?! How many times we could have been caught and executed was all a game to you?!"

"What can I say," shrugged Niles, "It's the thrill of avoiding getting caught and playing with fire." stop doing this stop hurting him it’s not true you know that

Subaki was silent for a moment before speaking again, unable to hide his hurt. "I thought maybe you weren't so bad, but I guess you are as heartless as people say you are. If not worse."

"Well sorry to ruin your fantasy. Welcome to the real world." Niles sneered.

"Then I'm glad it's over... Nohrian scum." Subaki finally turned away, almost spitting out those last lines. Niles watched him storm out and take off with his pegasus. He waited for the redhead to leave before heading over to his own horse and taking off into the night.

I knew it… I was never going to be worth standing next to him.

Never going to be good enough for him.

Not someone as filthy as me...

I guess I was just deluding myself to think we could have been more.. that we could have had more…

Current Mood: depressed
Current Location: Borders of Nohr and Hoshido
Current Music: Thorn in You, Warmth is Gone

A/N: In a world where everyone has secondary genders, (though this is subtle) everyone has pheromones that emit different scents depending on emotions. This occurs before Kaze runs away with Sakura. Odin shows up because he followed Niles and has met with Corrin before she jumped, who asked him to pass messages to Kaze. Also the riverside mentioned is the same one of Caeldori's paralogue, I thought it would be a nice reference :)

---------------------------

Kaze shifted silently through the Hoshidan glade, slowly making his way towards the plains of Hoshido. After Midori had finally settled down, he realized this was no time to sit down and wallow in his failures. Corrin was out there, and he was determined to find her.

A strange sound suddenly stopped him in his tracks. Stealthily, he approached the source. It brought him to a densely forested area, where anyone could seem to disappear into. He noticed two horses tied up near a tree, one black Nohrian steed and one white Hoshidan pegasus. It was then he heard a voice.

"We can't keep doing this." It was Subaki.

Subaki? What was he doing here? thought Kaze as he approached silently in a way only ninjas could.

Kaze spotted the sky knight with another figure. In the dim moonlight, he could make out shaggy white hair and an eyepatch, realizing it was the sadistic archer that had captured him and Rinkah a year ago, Niles. While Kaze remained watching mostly out of concern for Subaki, he would be lying to say there wasn't a little curiosity in seeing what was going on.

"What about the future we talked about? The running away? Starting a family? That mean nothing now?" Niles's voice would have sounded unbothered to the average person, but for someone like Kaze, who was no stranger to hiding his own emotions, he could sense the hurt hidden beneath.

Subaki's voice was similarly of masked indifference. "Lady Corrin started a family in Hoshido. It didn't mean anything. And I'm not turning my back on Hoshido. So yes, it doesn't mean anything now."

"That's fair," Niles's response was terse. "Not like I can leave Nohr anyway."

"Is that all you have to say?" Subaki's question seemed out of nowhere. What could he possibly mean by that? Kaze thought in bewilderment.

"What the fuck do you want from me? Why ask this now when you don't want this anymore?" snapped Niles.

"I just wanted to know what all this meant to you. The antagonizing, the teasing, the way you convinced me to open, our... activities together. What was the meaning of it all?"

"Fine." Niles's reply was barbed. "It was all just a game to me. You weren't anything special."

Kaze recoiled at that remark. He nearly gave away himself and a part of him had half a mind to stick a shuriken into the outlaw's remaining eye for the callous response... but another part of him felt that Niles wasn't speaking the truth. Besides, Corrin believed in giving people second chances and seeing the good in people. While the ninja wasn't receiving the best impression, he figured Subaki must have known more about Niles, judging by their complex, long-time affair. And it wasn't like he was any stranger to maintaining facades, Niles was likely using his own.

"A game...?" Subaki's voice was one of uncharacteristic distress. "This was a game to you?! How many times we could have been caught and executed was all a game to you?!"

"What can I say," shrugged Niles, "It's the thrill of avoiding getting caught and playing with fire."

Subaki was silent for a moment before speaking again, unable to hide his hurt. "I thought maybe you weren't so bad, but I guess you are as heartless as people say you are. If not worse."

"Well sorry to ruin your fantasy. Welcome to the real world." Niles sneered.

"Then I'm glad it's over.. Nohrian scum." Subaki finally turned away, storming out of the hidden area. He thankfully did not notice Kaze, the ninja being well hidden thanks to his green hair and clothes blending into the foliage. Niles waited for the sky knight to take his pegasus and leave before soon taking his own horse and heading off in the opposite direction.

Out of concern for the sky knight, Kaze carefully followed the scent of distressed pheromones. He finally found Subaki near the riverside, hugging his pegasus with his shoulders shaking slightly.

Kaze was unsure how to approach when Subaki suddenly looked up in shock and exclaimed, "Kaze?!"

"Subaki?!" Kaze exclaimed back, taken aback from being suddenly noticed. Trying to remain nonchalant, he asked, "What are you doing out here?- Are you crying- what happened?" Fatherly instinct and worry instantly took over when he noticed the sky knight's uncharacteristic tears. Instinctively, he reached out to hug Subaki.

"I- ... I-..." Subaki suddenly broke into sobs, holding Kaze tightly. Kaze wondered if he had ever gotten the chance of a warm, parental embrace. Though, considering the sky knight's lack of room for error, he had a feeling Subaki's upbringing was not a kind one. Kaze did not have a handkerchief with him, so he settled on using his scarf to wipe Subaki's tears. He didn't care if fluids got onto it, after all Midori had spat up on it before.

They stood there together for a while before Subaki calmed down. "Did you follow me?"

"No," replied Kaze. "I was looking for Corrin when I ran into your horses."

"Then you know about me and Niles... don't you."

"Yes..." conceded Kaze, not able to lie about it.

"Are you going to report me?" Subaki seemed resigned to defeat.

"No." Kaze's response was firm. "I could never do that when my wife has also been taken from me for having the capacity to care."

Subaki looked as if he wanted to say something, but did not. He slowly went to wash his face in the river.

"I appreciate your support this evening, but I would like you to act as if this never happened." Subaki finally said with a practiced calmness.

"... Very well. But please take care of yourself."

"I will." Subaki nodded before mounting his pegasus and flying off.

Just then, another voice broke out. "Hark! The darkness whispers! It calls to Odin Dark!"

Kaze spun around in confusion and saw a blond dark mage in bright yellow garb.

"... May I ask what brings you so far into the Hoshidan border?"

"Why of course! I bear the messages of a fair dragon damsel in distress-"

"You mean Corrin?" Kaze's heart skipped a beat. "Where is she? How is she? ... How did you know she was a dragon?"

Odin's expression flinched a bit before he puffed up his chest. "Odin Dark sees all! The darkness whispers to me the answers of the universe! And our paths became entwined when Odin Dark was chosen to assist the fair Lady Corrin in saving her world!"

Kaze was completely lost. "So... how did you find her?"

"Ah yes! Odin Dark and his companions of the night ran into as she fled the ravages of war between two nations! She was swallowed up in the deep darkness of despair. But fear not! I bestowed her knowledge of the great evil beyond the two kingdoms, tucked away in the far realms of the Bottomless Canyon."

"The Bottomless Canyon?!" Kaze felt fear and dread. "How will she ever return from there?"

"Fear not! For there is a forbidden realm there, thought to be of wild tales, only made true! There is a way there and back, Azura has the gift of knowledge. My companions and I remain to guide our lieges toward the path of the true villain in the void, however our lieges are sealed away in a prison of stubbornness."

Although Kaze could barely understand the cryptic mage, he felt somewhat reassured that Azura would be guiding his wife. "You said you had a message from her, right? Did she tell you anything to pass to me? How can I find her?"

"Fear not! Lady Azura first intends on unveiling the dark tale come to life, the true evil from within! While we speak with our lieges, they will make the perilous journey of passing the message to Fort Jinya."

"Fort Jinya..." Kaze felt a rise of hope in him. "Thank you, Odin. I have needed this message greatly."

"Odin Dark does as the universe calls!" The dark mage posed before making an explosion of magic, and "disappearing" (or rather, running away while smoke was in the air).

Although the encounter was a strange one, Kaze finally felt an uplifting feeling. Corrin was one step closer to him.

Current Mood: quixotic
Current Location: Borders of Nohr and Hoshido
Current Music: Wistful Wilds, Thorn in You, Warmth is Gone

Kaze gently opened the door to see Midori, curled up with a Corrin doll in her arms. She had finally settled down after Lady Sakura had, in a last ditch attempt, given Midori her own little Corrin doll from the princess's beloved doll collection. As if the little doll embodied some aspect of her mother, Midori had calmed down and clung onto it for comfort.

Kaze looked upon his daughter's peaceful face, before he finally decided. He would follow Corrin down her hopeful path of uniting two kingdoms. And from the information Odin had revealed to him, he knew there was more than just Nohrians in play.

Slowly he started to pack his supplies, though they were more for Midori than himself. He chose only to bring some shuriken, a few changes of clothes, hunting supplies and a small package of food. As a ninja, he could endure weeks with limited food, though he was knowledgeable in edible herbs and decent with a hunt. Sleeping on the ground did not matter too much for him, so the blankets were for Midori, to keep her safe and warm. He wasn't sure about feeding her, however, as she was only five months old and still yet to be able to eat solids.

Just as he stepped out, he saw Lady Hinoka waiting before him.

"Lady Hinoka, I can explain-"

"There's no need to, Kaze." Lady Hinoka's smile was one of understanding and sadness. "I'm not here to stop you. I came to give my blessings. I also thought you could use a bit more food on the trip. I know you're a ninja and you guys can go a long time without, but you'll need everything you can get to go find her."

"Thank you, Lady Hinoka." Kaze graciously received the pack. "What about Midori?"

"I also put as much soybean powder as I could into it," said Hinoka. "Though it will be better if you can find a nursing mother in villages to help feed her, so try to do that as much as you can, ok? She's still my niece and I want her to be ok for this trip."

"I will try my best for her sake. Are you not coming?"

Hinoka shook her head. "Ryoma has asked that I stay to protect the castle while he and Takumi search for reinforcements. As much as I care for Corrin, I must protect Hoshido as their eldest princess. Besides, with you going after her, I have nothing to worry about, don't I? There's no other man besides her butler more devoted to her than you."

"Thank you, milady. I must get going now. I cannot fail Corrin a third time." Kaze stood up to leave.

"Take care, Kaze." Lady Hinoka replied back. "I hope you find Corrin soon."

Kaze had stepped out of Castle Shirasagi when a soft cry stopped him.

"W-wait!"

It was Lady Sakura. She had come with her own pack and a pegasus he was pretty sure she had stolen.

"Lady Sakura? What are you doing here? It's so late at night!"

"I-I want to join you!" The youngest princess exclaimed.

"Join me?" The green ninja was shocked. "I am making a perilous journey and I do not know how long it will take me to find Corrin. What would your siblings think of you running away? Or your retainers?"

"I'm tired of always following my siblings!" Sakura shouted with an unusual amount of conviction in her voice. "They always say I'm too young to understand, but I believe I know Big Sister Corrin! And y-you're going after, which means I must be right... right?"

"Yes. That is why I am going. But..."

"I want to go. I believe in what Corrin is doing, and it's time I showed her that." Sakura looked at him with a firm expression. "My siblings would stop me, tell me I'm too young. But I know I'm old enough to believe and make my own decisions. Besides, it's better for me than to stay back at Shirasagi worrying over you all."

"Ok. I understand. But what about Hana and Subaki?"

"I don't want to drag them into having to decide whether to follow me or Hoshido. If they choose to follow me, I know they'll find me."

"Very well." Kaze finally conceded. "Then let us get going, daylight will come soon."

As the two of them departed off into the night, a single thought was on the ninja's mind. I'm coming, my love.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: Castle Shirasagi, Hoshido
Current Music: Short Hair from Mulan

Small notes to preface this and to make certain things make more sense. Of course, ask if there are any questions, constructive criticism is important for writers! Both kingdoms have their own language, which is just Fantasy German for Nohr and Fantasy Japanese for Hoshido, but they have common tongue that has been spoken for generations (English). Nohr's poor conditions make it difficult to grow spices and therefore it is used rather sparingly due to having to be imported from Hoshido, which will explain why Corrin is overwhelmed with flavour. Hoshido also has more capacity to have a lot of beauty products while Nohr is more practical with bathing, hence Corrin's confusion over how much items they use in her bath. The Hoshidans getting upset every time Corrin mentions her Nohrian siblings is a side effect of them being a bit jealous and bitter that she has good memories and hobbies with the family that stole her away while knowing nothing of them and what they had before Corrin was kidnapped. If the Hoshidans seem a bit more harsh or OOC, that is a side effect of Corrin having severe anxiety and overthinking their actions and emotions. She got kidnapped, revealed she is a long lost princess to Hoshido and now having a formal dinner when most of her (known) life was inside a fortress. Naturally, being in this social situation would overwhelm anyone. Corrin is also an avid reader (how else would you pass the time without going insane?) which is why she also constantly references stories. Also this Corrin is slightly different in appearance as the "canon" one in that she has dark hair just like Mikoto.
---
Eternity seemed to pass after Corrin had returned to her room after meeting with Azura. She hadn't felt comfortable touching anything inside that old room. Queen Mikoto had never touched them anyway, and Corrin didn't feel like they were hers. All the items in that room belonged to a metaphorically dead girl, and Corrin could not feel any connection of the girl who once lived to herself. Touching them felt disrespectful, even if it was supposed to be hers. She had tried reading the books, however, they were written in Hoshidan script and therefore incomprehensible to her.

A knock finally broke Corrin out of her identity-torn fog. "Lady Corrin?" It was Kaze. After having met him again in Hoshido, the two had grown closer ever since his escort of her to Shirasagi and then helping save Hinoka and Sakura. Queen Mikoto seemed to have noticed their closeness and allowed Kaze to pledge his service as Corrin's retainer, which relieved the amnesiac princess to have at least one familiar face with her. "Lady Mikoto has a dinner prepared for you and your siblings. She would like this opportunity for you to meet and hopefully bond more with them."

The very idea of talking to her unfamiliar family sent a feeling of dread down her spine. However, the joy and relief her family had in seeing her again... Corrin didn't have the heart to turn it down after all the preparations the queen must have made in order to welcome her back. "Okay," she said, "is there anything I should do to prepare myself for the occasion?"

"Just a bath should do," replied the green-haired ninja. "The servants have already prepared it for you, and Lady Mikoto has selected a fitting kimono for you to change into."

"Alright, I'll go do that. See you at dinner then?"

"Unfortunately, Lady Mikoto has requested that the retainers eat separately tonight, she wanted it to be a more personal dinner with just the seven of you."

"That's alright," responded Corrin, trying to hide her disappointment, "I'll see you later tonight then."

After her bath, which surprised her with how much soaps and scented oils and tonics were used, she was fitted into her kimono. Despite the soft material it was made of, it felt heavy and restricting on her. Corrin felt like the peasant girl impersonating a dead princess from her stories. Like a fake. Nevertheless, she steeled her nerves and slid open the door to the dining hall.

The sight of the table was more than enough to make her jaw drop. The dishes before her made all the celebration dinners back at Nohr look like a common farmer's meal in comparison. She could see a large plate of fish and other seafood, a large bowl of soup, even the vegetables seemed well presented. Her bowl of rice was inlaid with small leaves that had a rich aroma to it. Even the rice has spices? Corrin thought. She had known of spices, but they were rare in Nohr due to having to be imported. The amount of spices used in this feast could have been enough for decades worth of her birthday dinners in Nohr.

As if understanding her confusion, Mikoto spoke up. "This is Nanakusa-gayu, a porridge for special occasions made by preparing rice with seven different herbs. It is meant for good fortune."

"I-I see," said Corrin, still stunned by the differences of Nohr and Hoshido. Still, the custom seemed fascinating to her. It seemed she still had a lot to learn.

One by one, the other Hoshidan royals came in and sat down. Corrin was about to pick up her chopsticks and eat when Azura put her hand over Corrin's as an unspoken sign of "not yet."

Mikoto spoke up. "I would like to say a few words to my newly returned daughter. Corrin, we are deeply grateful for you being brought back to us. I hope that you may be able to find a home here and grow closer to us like you once were. Now, let us enjoy the meal that has been made for us. Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu." The four Hoshidan siblings and Azura chorused. Realizing too late she also had to say it, Corrin hastily said "Eetadakkymass!" before cringing at her own horrendous pronunciation. She could feel her siblings' eyes boring into her and melted in her seat.

"I-it's okay," said Sakura. "I had a hard time saying it too, growing up."

"It's nothing to worry about," reassured Ryoma. "We will help teach you more Hoshidan while you are here."

"T-thanks, Ryoma, and Sakura." Corrin said, grateful for their understanding. She still feel Takumi eyeing her, however.

It was Hinoka who then spoke up, "So, I wanted us to go out like we used to, but I realize I don't actually know what you like to do these days. What do you do for fun?"

"Oh! Well I love to read! There's so many lovely fairy tales in Nohr. One of my favourites is the one with the long-haired princess locked in a tower, I suppose because I related to her..."

She couldn't help but notice Hinoka's slight disappointment and Takumi still eyeing her warily. Trying to take her mind off the awkwardness, she decided to eat some of the food. However, having never used chopsticks in her life, the food fell pathetically on the table.

"It helps to hold it like a pen," advised Ryoma. "You have better control of it that way."

Despite her best efforts, she just couldn't seem to learn and had to just settle with using the spoon for her soup. Only for her to nearly gag at the sudden intensity of flavour. The most she had ever tasted was salt and pepper, and maybe the slightest hint of other spices. But this? Sure it tasted amazing, but it also felt like sensory overload. Still, she managed to keep it down.

"T-those stories sound lovely" Sakura said. "M-maybe we could read some Hoshidan stories together... once you learn more Hoshidan perhaps."

"I'd love that." Corrin relaxed hearing her youngest sister's kind words. "I also love playing chess. It's an amazing game of strategy, even if Leo is far better than me. Still, he taught me and-"

Her voice trailed off seeing the Hoshidans look uncomfortable at the mention of her younger Nohrian brother. I shouldn't have said that...

"It sounds like a similar game to shogi," said Ryoma. "Perhaps I can teach you to play when we have the chance."

"R-right, I'd appreciate that."

"It sounds like you didn't have much in Nohr." Hinoka spoke up. "Don't worry, we'll definitely show you around more, and I definitely want to taking on a flight with my pegasus!"

"I... I'd love that." Corrin felt exhausted keeping up with everyone. She didn't feel like the sister they had missed for so long. She felt like a body double being made to impersonate the lost princess. Judging by the expression on Takumi's face, he seemed the think the same. But this was no story.

Do I really belong here?

Kaze may seem OOC but consider he spent his life feeling guilty about losing Corrin, fell in love with her while she helped him overcome those feelings only to lose her again. Also his anger is on Midori's behalf too as my idea of his family is that after the death of his and Saizo's father, their mother fell into a deep depression and was unable to care for them. So now he has to worry about how it feels for Corrin to be torn from them and Midori being motherless.
----
It seemed like an eternity waiting for the Hoshidan army to return for Kaze. He had never felt more uncertain in his life. His beloved, sweet Corrin, who had unwavering faith in him, saved him, loved, believed in him... was throwing herself between two great enemy armies. And despite the way she convinced the royals to spare him and Rinkah... he wasn't sure if they would listen to her on laying down their swords.

She had told him about Nohr, being one of the few people she trusted with her feelings of homesickness. Nohr was not the most fertile of lands, as she could recount days going hungry, or even her older siblings sacrificing their own meals for her. While he had trained in hunger endurance as a ninja, he wasn't sure if he could have lived in a world where even the royalty had days of not eating. At the same time, he could tell that place was a home for her, the warm memories of her Nohrian siblings spending time together. He envied that, when his own relationship with Saizo was strained at best.

However, what would they think of her asking them to lay down their swords? Considering all the dancing around he and Rinkah had to do in order to avoid Garon's wrath, he imagined it would not be received well. And her Hoshidan family... while the anti-Nohrian sentiment had some foundation as to why, he also knew that Hoshidans felt a very strong "with us or against us" mentality. Corrin had expressed how trapped she felt and how she could not express her homesickness and impostor syndrome because her siblings believed that just being in Hoshido would make her happy. Knowing the distrust some Hoshidans had, he wasn't sure if they would let her back with the decision she made.

Midori fussed again in his arms. She had not taken well to the wet nurse Kaze had asked to feed her in her mother's absence. Corrin had been adamant about nursing her own daughter, and he could tell the absence of her was affecting their baby girl.

Midori had been an unexpected result shortly after Corrin's return to Hoshido. He had carried what he now knew as a longtime crush as a young boy, watching her from afar. Her rescue of him, and the incessant ways she tried to get to know him only made him fall deeper in love. And then when one night when her heat arrived unexpectedly after years of surpression...

She had called out for him. Begged him to stay, that she needed him. Instinct overtook him and he lost himself in a haze of alpha nature and uncontrollable feelings. Despite him committing a grievous sin that should have cost him his life, she had forgiven him, confessed her own feelings, and agreed to marry him, proudly saying she would not have any other. Their love had only grown in welcoming Midori into the world. Despite the questionable nature of her existence, neither of them would trade her for the world.

The sound of the army's signal horn announcing the Hoshidans return snapped Kaze out of his thoughts down in memory lane. He searched frantically for his wife, only the sinking feeling to return when he realized she was not among the ranks.

"Where... Where is Corrin?"

"... Ask the Crown Prince." Sakura's response was more barbed than the youngest princess had ever sounded in her life.

The only way I wouldn't come back is if they wouldn't let me. Corrin's words echoed back in his head. With a surge of anger and grief, he gently handed Midori to Sakura and turned to Ryoma, raising his voice for the first time ever in his life. "... what did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Ryoma remained in a stern and serious demeanour. "Corrin has refused to side with us. She is a traitor to Hoshido now."

"T-that... that's not true!" Sakura cried, "Big Sister didn't want to turn against us and y-you refused to let her see Kaze or Midori! You're no better than the Nohrians who took Mother away from us!"

Ryoma's head snapped towards his youngest sister with shock and hurt. "How could you say that?!"

Sakura looked back at her oldest brother with a determined glare. "Isn't that what you did to Midori?"

Ryoma's expression faltered slightly at the sight of the crying infant in Sakura's arms before he steeled himself again. "That is enough, Sakura. You are still young and have yet to understand the difficult choices of war. Now come, we need to discuss our next plan."

Still shaking from anger and grief, the green-haired ninja turned to his twin brother. "How could you let this happen? No one even let me have a say or see her again."

Saizo's response was cold and firm. "If she isn't with us, she is against us. There is no reason for you to see a traitor."

Kaze suddenly pinned Saizo to the wall. "Have you no heart, brother?! Your niece may have just lost her mother indefinitely and you did nothing to let her see Corrin again!"

"Corrin has betrayed-"

"Don't you dare put words into my wife's mouth!"

"That's enough!" Hinoka finally intervened, pulling Kaze away from his twin. "I'm sorry, Kaze... you may be her husband, but I'm Ryoma's sister and even I couldn't persuade him to let her come back..."

The anger faded from Kaze, leaving only sadness and sorrow. He finally realized his daughter was crying and instinctively reached to take her. Sakura, seeing the ninja had calmed down, handed her back.

Kaze could only leave silently before returning to his room and letting himself cry with Midori. I'm sorry, Corrin... I failed you again...

Some context: Corrin stayed a year in Hoshido and so has been more acquainted with the Hoshidan Retainers. Azura is also married to Hinata and had Hisame 4 months after Midori. He's about a month old when this happens. Subaki is also in a secret relationship with Niles, which may explain some things with the dialogue. Also ripped off Peri and Odin’s lines from the Birthright dialogues since they worked and Peri I got lazy and Odin is just too damn hard to write his dialogue

Vs. Saizo
Saizo: Hmph. I knew this was bound to happen. What I can’t forgive is breaking Kaze’s heart.
Corrin: Saizo! I’m doing this for everyone, including him, can’t you see?
Saizo: Spare me the excuses. My brother was a fool to fall in love with you. No matter, I will settle things here and now.
Corrin: Saizo…

Vs. Kagero
Kagero: It is truly regrettable how things have turned out.
Corrin: Kagero! It doesn’t have to be this way, just stand down and I won’t hurt you!
Kagero: Apologies Lady Corrin, but Lord Ryoma’s word comes first. I must strike you down.
Corrin: Then I apologize for raising my sword, but I can’t let you take me now!

Vs. Azama
Azama: Well, this isn’t very polite. Attacking a defenceless monk? Are you perhaps trying to curry favour with your savage false Nohrian family?
Corrin: Um… no, it isn’t like that…
Azama: Well, whatever the thought process in your absent mind is, I am not afraid. If fate would have you cut me down, so be it.

Vs. Setsuna
Setsuna: I don’t understand. You’re not fighting for Nohr? But also not with us…? Then who are you fighting?
Corrin: Setsuna, I’m trying to not hurt anyone. Please understand that!
Setsuna: Lady Hinoka says you’re the enemy. Even if I don’t get how… I do what she asks of me…
Corrin: I’m trying not to be the enemy, but I can’t just lie down and accept this! Forgive me for what I’m about to do!

Vs. Hinata
Hinata: Lady Corrin, I’ve come to really like you, especially because of Azura… so why are you doing this?
Corrin: Hinata… I don’t mean to turn against you guys. Please just lay down your sword! We don’t have to do this!
Hinata: Look, as much as I like you… I can’t go against Lord Takumi. I’m sorry it has to be this way though.
Corrin: Azura…. Forgive me for any harm that comes to your husband…

Vs. Oboro
Oboro: How could you, Lady Corrin?! Don’t you know what the Nohrians have done?! How could you even think of siding with them?!
Corrin: Oboro, not all Nohrians have done wrong. I can’t turn against all of Nohr just for the actions of a few!
Oboro: I really thought I could trust you! No matter, I’ll put some sense into for Lord Takumi!
Corrin: I can’t change your mind… I’m sorry, but I can’t fall here!

Vs. Subaki
Subaki: Lady Corrin, it isn’t too late to turn around and come back to us. Lady Sakura will forgive you for your mistakes.
Corrin: I’m sorry, Subaki. I can’t turn against Nohr. Please understand.
Subaki: … I may understand more than you think.
Corrin: Huh?!
Subaki: You heard nothing! Any feelings I have must be put aside for Lady Sakura and Hoshido’s sake. Shall we begin?

Vs. Hana
Hana: I thought you had something special here with us! How could you do this to Lady Sakura?
Corrin: Hana please understand! I don’t want to hurt her, but I simply can’t hurt Nohr either!
Hana: Listen, I’ve really come to like you, but Lady Sakura is my best friend. I can’t forgive anyone who hurts her. I must take you down now!
Corrin: I’ve come to like you too, but I can’t allow myself to fall now. I’m sorry, but I must stand firm with my decision!

Vs. Laslow
Laslow: Lady Corrin, you can still come with us. I can try to smooth things over with Lord Xander.
Corrin: And you are…?
Laslow: The name’s Laslow. I understand your motives more than you think, but surely you don’t intend to make enemies of both kingdoms, are you?
Corrin: I can’t turn against either of my families. But if you understand, can’t you help me?
Laslow: Apologies milady, my hands are tied. I cannot leave now.

Vs. Peri
Peri: Hee hee, found you little traitor!
Corrin: I’m not a traitor! I only want what’s good for both sides!
Peri: Not a traitor? But Lord Xander said you were... I'm Peri! No offense, but I'm going to kill you now.
Corrin: None taken. Wait, what am I saying?

Vs. Selena
Selena: Ugh, why did you have to make things complicated by choosing no one?
Corrin: Look…
Selena: It’s Selena. You’re welcome by the way!
Corrin: Selena. I care about both sides too much. I’m just trying to find a solution for both!
Selena: This is so not fair! Now you’re making my job harder! Unfortunately, I answer to Lady Camilla first, so I’m going to have to knock some sense into your dumb head!

Vs. Beruka
Beruka: I am Beruka. I must eliminate you for Lady Camilla.
Corrin: Listen, I don’t want to be your enemy! Please, I’m only trying to do good for both sides!
Beruka: It does not matter. You are the enemy. You must be eliminated.

Vs. Odin
Odin: Halt! I am Odin Dark – warrior chosen by the darkness. It’s been a while, hasn’t it, young Corrin? It’s a shame that I will have to destroy you now, but orders are orders. If only you had stayed true to our glorious and noble kingdom…
Corrin: What are you talking about?
Odin: Oh, that's not the reaction I expected. Do you not remember the darkest and most mysterious of heroes?
Corrin: Um, sorry. I have a really bad memory. REALLY bad. By the way, what’s with the whole “warrior chosen by darkness” thing?
Odin: Yes, well…I am the night! I am the…er… I can’t do this.
Corrin: Then throw down your weapon! There’s no need for us to fight
Odin: No! Must…tame…the darkness… Let’s just get this over with! I can’t control my powers around you…

Vs. Niles
Niles: Well, are you a naive little one? Picking neither side? Don’t you know the world doesn’t work like that? 
Corrin: I’m sorry, but I can’t turn against either side. I know it’s hard to understand but…
Niles: The world doesn’t work like that, sweetheart. Even I have to put my own feelings aside for Lord Leo.
Corrin: … What do you mean?
Niles: Ask less questions, milady. Now then, squirm a little more for me instead, yes?

Vs. Arthur
Arthur: It’s a pleasure to see you, Lady Corrin! I am Arthur, Hero of Justice!
Corrin: A Hero of Justice? Surely you can put your weapon aside and join my cause? I’m not against anyone!
Arthur: Apologies, Lady Corrin. Lady Elise comes first. It would simply be an injustice to leave her.
Corrin: Oh Elise… if only I could convince you to come with me…

Vs. Effie
Effie: Lady Corrin! We finally meet! I am Effie, Lady Elise’s best friend, and I’ll crush you for hurting her!
Corrin: … um I understand your anger, but I really don’t mean to hurt Elise! I’m doing this for her!
Effie: It doesn’t matter! If you have turned against her, I have no choice but to protect her!
Corrin: I really don’t want to do this, but I have to survive if I’m to walk the path I’ve chosen. I’m sorry, Elise!

Current Music: Misery in Hand, Condemnation

The silence could be cut with a blade with how tense the air was.

“What… what do you mean by that?” Asked Sakura.

“I… I won't betray anyone,” said Corrin, her resolve hardening as she turned to Xander. “I won't fight against the people of Nohr after you cared for me all these years. You and Camilla, Leo and Elise... We might not be related by blood, but you are family to me. You've been with me for as long as I can remember.”

“Well said, little princess,” beamed Xander. “What ties us together is thicker than blood.”

Ryoma’s expression darkened. “What are you saying, Corrin? You would discard your true family and side with those who stand against us? After the life you built here?”

“…No.” replied Corrin. “I refuse to fight against my Hoshidan siblings, either. Ryoma...we might have only spent a year together, but you are my family too. You, Hinoka, Takumi, Sakura... I don't want to fight with you on this or any other battlefield.”

“We feel the same, Corrin.” Ryoma managed to smile at her response.

“…But I can't side with either of you against the other,” said Corrin. “I cannot betray any of my family.”

“Corrin, what are you…” a baffled Xander trailed off. “…going to do, then?” Finished Ryoma.

Corrin looked up pleadingly. “I’m so sorry, both of you. Please, set your swords aside! I'm sure a peaceful solution exists. If we could just—“

“I’ve heard enough!” Xander cut in as he unsheathed Siegfried. “Corrin, I can see what you're trying to accomplish here. As your older brother, however, it is my duty to teach you the truth…”

“Not while I still stand…” counted Ryoma, drawing Raijinto. “Corrin is finally back with her family—I will not let you take her again!”

“No, wait!” Corrin began to panic. “Xander! Ryoma!”

“Don't think for a moment that I will let you take Corrin without a fight.” Xander growled. “It seems only right to cross swords with my opposing equal. As the heirs of our respective families, why don't we settle this here and now?”

“Prepare yourself, then.” Ryoma retaliated. “I will defeat you in defense of my kingdom and my sister!”

“Please, both of you, stop! We can still talk this out inste—!” Corrin cried out helplessly as the two eldest princes charged at each other, blades drawn.

“Gah, it's no use! They just won't listen to me…” Corrin thought to herself. “I’ll have to step in if I want to stop them!”

*After the battle*

“…Tch.” Xander glared with frustration. “Why, Corrin? Why would you turn on us this way? Even if we aren't blood related, don't you feel any loyalty at all?”

“Xander!” Corrin protested, “I just want you to listen to what I'm saying!”

“Corrin…” Ryoma seemed equally crestfallen. “Why would you betray Hoshido? Have you lost all sense of justice?”

“You don't understand, Ryoma!” Corrin cried, “I haven't betrayed you!”

“I…always thought of you as a sister…” Xander said sadly.  

“I still think of you as family!” Corrin said, “Put aside your sword, you could meet my husband and daughter-“

“You married a Hoshidan?!” Xander suddenly had a dark expression. “Damn it all.” He turned to his troops. ”Spread word among the troops. Corrin has turned traitor! From this moment forth, she is our enemy and should be captured on sight!”

Elise seemed hesitant. “Wait, but Xander…”

Xander shook his head. “No Elise, if she has married a Hoshidan, she has clearly integrated herself among them. She is not coming back with us.”

“She’s made her decision,” said Leo, “There’s no talking her out of it.”

“Sorry darling,” said Camilla, “It seems our darling Corrin has not chosen us.”

“Why won't you listen to me?!” Corrin cried in frustration as she watched her Nohrian family turn away and leave her. She turned back to her Hoshidan family, but felt her heart ache at the sight of Ryoma’s expression.

“Corrin... Even now, I still remember the agony I felt the day you were kidnapped. I know we can't get back the time we lost... But... I still hoped that someday we would be reunited as a family... I thought after the life you built with us, we were one again… I see now that I was living a fantasy.” Turning to his troops, he ordered, “…Tell everyone. Corrin is truly lost to us! If she insists on becoming our enemy, then all we can do is fight her!"

Sakura gasped at that declaration. “Big brother! You can’t possibly-“

“I’m doing what’s best for Hoshido, Sakura!”

Corrin’s heart dropped. “Wait Ryoma! Kaze, Midori, can’t I see them again?”

Ryoma’s face was stone cold. “If your family wasn’t enough to persuade you to come and fight with us, I see no reason for them to see a traitor.”

Her heart shattered at the words. “Ryoma please! At least-“ Her desperate lunge towards her Hoshidan brother was stopped by Saizo. “Do not get close, traitor.” 

“No! Please! Ryoma! It isn’t like that!” Corrin struggled against Saizo's grip, tears of desperation now falling down her cheeks.

Hinoka seemed just as reluctant at the decision. “Ryoma… she might not be thinking straight, surely we can take her back and let her calm down before anything else?”

“No,” snapped Takumi, “She was totally fine tearing through our ranks. I don’t know why she would turn against us after everything, but it’s clear trusting someone from Nohr would only lead to heartbreak.”

"This is my final warning,” said Ryoma. “When we meet again, we will be enemies”

“Wait!” Called out Corrin before two hands suddenly pulled her back.

“Corrin? What happened here? What have you done?” It was Azura, with Jakob behind her. “Milady, what is going on? What have you gotten yourself into?”

“… how are you here anyway? Where is Hisame?”

“Don’t worry,” reassured Azura, “He’s safe with me,” gesturing to the small bundle wrapped near her. “What I’m worried about is you. I had a premonition that you were in danger, so Jakob and I rushed over.”

“I… I couldn’t choose… they’ve both rejected me… I’ve lost everything.”

Azura sighed in resignation, “Then nothing you can say will reach either of them. We need to retreat for now. We can’t be caught.”

Still weeping as she was reluctantly pulled away by her friend and butler, she called out to the retreating Hoshido army. “Tell Midori I love her! And tell Kaze… I’m so sorry…”

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Thorn in You

Profile

4leavesonaclover

June 2025

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30

Syndicate

Page Summary

Style Credit

Style: Neutral Good for Practicality by timeasmymeasure

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Page generated Jun. 7th, 2025 09:47 pm

Recent Entries

Chapter 10 ABD Commentary

Chapter 9 ABD Commentary

Chapter 8 ABD Commentary

Chapter 7 ABD Commentary

Chapter 6 ABD Commentary

Chapter 5 ABD Commentary

Midori's Draconic Awakening

Chapter 4 ABD Commentary

Chapter 3 ABD Commentary pt 2

Chapter 3 ABD Commentary pt 1

Chapter 2 ABD Commentary

Chapter 1 ABD Commentary

Commentary of A Brighter Dark Sporking, Introduction

The Words Unsaid

Kaze Runs Into A Breakup and Hammy Exposition

Kaze's Decision, aka when you listen to Mulan's Running Away Scene Too Much

I Read ABD Doomed Supper and Decided I Can Do Better

Chapter 6 Fallout Ft Kaze POV

Adding Chapter 6 Battle Quotes for Retainers

Chapter 6 pt 2: The Decision and Consquence