Chapter 7 ABD Commentary

Original Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here,
Personal Spite Fic here

Current Rotation: Yoona, Kanaki, Benny, Kanny, Taeyeon

Kanaki: Do I have to be here again, Mama? I already did last chapter and it was terrible!

Yoona: Sweetie, your father and sister will be sporking the next part, just hold out for another chapter, ok?

Kanaki: sigh Fine...

Nonetheless, this wasn't her home; she had memories of it, happy memories, but they felt like someone else's. Like she was looking through the lense of another person's past experiences in first person. It wasn't her home, her home was where her family was. Here, she was nothing more than a prisoner. A very comfortable, well-fed, and groomed prisoner.

Taeyeon: This is an angle that would have really done favours to the story and angle DDI meant to go for. I and my many counterparts have similarly felt the isolation and foreign feeling in Hoshido, that we didn't belong here.

"My lady…" The servant hesitatingly approached her, clearly reluctant to interrupt a royal's time with their favorite lover, "Perhaps...you might wish to moderate…before dinner..."

"Hm? Oh, I get it, you're jealous because I'm drunk and you're not."

Benny: If we're jealous over you being drunk, it's more likely because we need to be to deal with reading about you.

Kanny: Right on, Papa! Being this smug over alcohol is usually not of a character one would root for. Maybe Teenage DDI was just really impatient about getting to be old enough to drink.

"I know that. Gah…" She clutched her forehead as a wave of nausea hit her, "Geez...what's in this stuff? It tastes...really, really sweet…"

"It's...wine, my lady…"

"You Hoshidans need to figure out how to make a proper bottle," Corrin tossed it outside,

Theresia: … whereupon it was caught by Saizo, and tossed back at a fatal speed. Ass.

Yoona: *fake gruff caveman voice* GRRRRRRR BIG STRONG NOHRIAN NO LIKE PUSSY SWEET HOSHIDO WINE.

Kana: Even leaving aside that, I guess, maybe someone stole a Nohrian clock and decided it was useless for… whatever reason and made a big robot out of the mechanism instead, here’s something that Japan had before European clocks: water clocks!

Kanaki: In hindsight, it's more of lazy teenage incompetence and lack of research aside from Encyclopedia Trustmebro. Fun fact to learn about through Das Sporking though!

"Well...dinner is usually when the moon is at a 30 degree angle. So they should call you in approximately eight more degrees..."

"...You think you could explain that to the foreigner? How long is a degree in seconds?"

"Uhm...I…"

Wanderer2691: … Degrees. They measure time in degrees. To the point where it’s possible this woman is unfamiliar with the concepts of seconds. This author, bright spark they are, thinks that a recognizably human culture… would find it easier to measure time in physics equations and/or nautical directions.

Taeyeon: This is more of just Teenage DDI not stopping to think about the implications of such ludicrous measurements and realizing how stupid this works. What, do they have to check with protractors all the time, pun not intended?

Benny: Speaking of the issues with such measurements, here's a fact from the University of Rochester about the Moon moving several degrees: The moon orbits quite fast: it moves about 0.5 degrees per hour in the sky. Eight degrees means that dinner is in sixteen hours.

"First, her highness requested that you wear this to the dinner." As she spoke, Kagero placed a bright red garment on her bed

"Is that supposed to be a dress? That's the stupidest looking dress I've ever seen."

Azalin: Given how that be a kimono, and thus a robe, I fundamentally disagree. Robes are entirely valid as a garment choice, both for style and practicality - for example, hiding the wand I would turn you into a mouse with for that comment. And then feed to my ravens.

Yoona: You know, for all the flak Hoshido is going to get about the way they act towards Nohrians, Corringula isn't much better here. It's a good thing DDI knows now that nobody is a good guy. Evil vs Evil is a trope that has to be handled carefully, because if you make both sides unlikeable, no one is going to care about the conflict.

Taeyeon: In Clover's setting, Corrin wears it, but she feels as if it's like a prison. The kimono in that setting is symbolic of the isolation and unfamiliarity she has in Hoshido. Wearing it gives her the feeling of imposter syndrome even more. But I suppose trying to cooperate is too nice of a trait for the dark and edgy Corringula.

"You have also been wearing the same outfit for quite a long time."

"Well, nobody has exactly offered to wash any of my stuff."

"If that's what you wish, I could tell my lady that you wish to postpone the dinner until…"

"Nah; your people want to see a dirty Nohrian savage, right? Let them see a dirty Nohrian savage."

Kana: Nah, just show them the rest of the fic. They’ll catch on without having to leave her room!

Theresia: This is just… petty. Is this woman in her twenties or her twos? Refusing to bathe and clean yourself to spite the host attempting to treat you well? Even as a prisoner of war, an outright hunger strike would be far more dignified - and would earn much more respect as an equal.

Benny: Hunger strikes have been done by prisoners in fact, in order to protest many different things. Not bathing as a protest method isn't well documented, as that is associated with immaturity.

Keaton: … it’s stupid. Because, your highness, you may not have noticed this past the missing sun, but you share a border with the primary speakers of that language, and are the head of state - the ultimate diplomat. To not speak what is effectively Corrin’s mother tongue now is not only offensive to her (and I feel sick defending her on this), it’s a snub to Nohr in general that is likely going to ramp up tensions if they discover it, all because you, Serenity, are bitter about Corrin being more fluent in it.

Kanaki: You know there's a problem when we have to agree with Corringula about something. Honestly the language barrier thing just creates more problems narratively that don't flow well.

Taeyeon: The Doomed Supper Spitefic does the language barrier better. Both sides speak Common (in other words, English) but some traditional expressions in Hoshidan, such as the expression Itadakimasu, are still being used. It's like being in a bilingual country that speaks two official languages for both Hoshido and Nohr.

Kamui, or rather Corrin, stopped halfway across the room with a wary eye on the table. Everyone silently watched her, nobody entirely certain what to say or if they should speak at all. Despite herself, Mikoto couldn't help but feel tense, like the reunion she had so carefully crafted could come crashing down around her at a moment. When the tension finally became unbearable, Corrin finally took another step forward, a slight lurch in her walk and her hand drifting close to where her sword would be, and finally sitting down in the empty chair between herself and Ryoma

Azalin: This paragraph shows again, a glimmer of competence. This is a profoundly awkward moment in-universe, even beyond our illustrious princess’ alcoholism. She is, frankly, a blood sibling who has become a stranger to all involved, and everyone knows it.

Leliel: And of course, it crashes down in 3..2...

Sakura was the first to speak, "Uhm...it's nice to finally meet you," she said cheerfully, completely forgetting her mother's instructions just moments ago in her excitement, "I...I wasn't born yet, when you...left, but my siblings told me a lot about you…I've wanted to meet you for a very long time!"

"...Just pass the wine." Mikoto wasn't certain if she just didn't understand Sakura, or didn't care

*entire chamber groans*

Azalin: As I be sure everyone is thinking enough to not need a translation in my own tongue: cur non utrumque?

GODS SAVE US FROM THE PRINCESS: 59

Kanny: The Spitefic leans further into the sense of Corrin being a stranger. Including being unable to say Itadakimasu which doesn't help her anxiety in trying to fit in. She's like a second-generation immigrant returning to their motherland but feeling unable to fit in.

Yoona: As for whether Corringula didn't understand or didn't care, the answer is probably both. *growls slightly*

"...Spices."

"...I repeat, what are these weird specs on the food?"

"Do they...not have spices in Nohr?" said Sakura

"Kind of what I was implying, but thanks for making it clear for everyone."

Leliel: I am… legitimately not sure if this is good darkness or not. It makes sense that Nohr might not use luxury items like spices, sticking to practical seasoning, but…

Wanderer2691: I, on the other hand, am not so generous - legit or not, it’s still suspiciously Manly (™) for Nohr to not care about ‘decadent’ arts like competent cooking.

Kanny: Spices have also been historically used to balance "humors," a common belief back in the Middle Ages for good health and whatnot. It's also been a common misconception that spices were used as preservatives but that's been debunked. Still, I'm surprised DDI didn't take that angle.

Benny: Realistically our food shortages would make spices a luxury, which is the route the spitefic took. Spices generally have to be imported through trade and as such, only the royals and nobility can have a taste, and not much of it. It leads to some cultural shock for Corrin to see spices being used so liberally.

Sakura winced from the sharp tone, and Ryoma stepped in before anything else could be said, "Spices are a cause of flavour made from leftover peppers, to give foods nail," he explained

"...Taste." Mikoto corrected him

"Leftover...right, you have leftovers here," she said bitterly,

Keaton: You don’t? … well that explains the resource shortage. You keep on throwing stuff out instead of reusing it! Ever hear of jerky?

Jude: I think I get what was attempted to show here. Nohr has a resource shortage, and has for generations. But - and this is important - if there’s no leftovers ever, then there’s never a surplus. And if that’s the case…

Kana: How are there any Nohrians left, let alone the potential to have population growth?! A crop blight could kill a generation, assuming whatever weird sun-optional crops they have have blights!

Kanny: It can also be from roots, leaves, and other such plant parts, why peppers only? Also black pepper and the vegetable peppers are different things.

Kanaki: Just look at the Irish Potato Famine, the potato blight caused countless deaths and many more left the country as a result. This kind of setting is the kind that's "there's no hope left for this place" and not "we're doing our best to get by."

To her dismay, not even Mikoto could answer that. She liked to think she was fairly in touch with the common people, but there were so many things she needed to worry about, "You don't even know, do you? Just...out of sight, huh? I grew up royalty, and I never saw even a fraction of this; if I had this much food and just misplaced it, you can be damn certain someone would want my head for it."

Yoona: I'm feeling uncharitable enough to feel like this ignorance about leftovers is more anti-Hoshidan propoganda. Being ignorant about Nohr's struggles is one thing, but not knowing where your own leftovers go?

There was yet another round of awkward silence before anyone dared to say anything else; in the end it was Hinoka who had to muster up the courage

"So, I was hoping we could go out together like we used to...but it occurred to me that I don't really know what you like to do anymore," she said, "So, what do you like to do for fun?"

"Fight, fuck, drink. In that order. Repeatably."

Taeyeon: *grumbles* There is a very good reason Corrin in Clover's Fates ABO is an introverted bookworm with a mind for strategy from Leo. It makes her more relatable, and adds a layer of realistic challenge when she's forced to be in a social event. It also allows room for improvement, as she grows out of her introverted nature to lead both armies to peace.

"...You...can't just do that all day…"

"Why not? It all serves each other. Fighting gets your blood up and ready for fucking, a good fuck puts you in the mood for a drink to cool off, and the drink gets your head in a good state for more fighting. Put in breaks for meals and sleep and you've got a pretty stable schedule."

Leliel: Ah, yes, that is the main concern with addiction. Stability. When I’m a late-stage alcoholic, the thing I want to be most concerned with is the predictability of my cycle, because all my self-esteem comes from wrecking all traces of my social life and body on a regular schedule. Why, I hear it even does wonders for your facial muscles, leading to a most winning and confident smile:

Kanny: Sounds like a toxic cycle to me. At least Clover doesn't pretend that Niles sleeping around and self-sabotaging relationships is a healthy, stable habit. It's something he knows he has to break out of when he finds out he's going to be a father.

Wanderer2691: He’s cold even on the Birthright route when you meet him, before you prove your loyalty is to Hoshido, but actively insulting the culture, apart from “are we sure about the idea that someone who thinks of herself as Nohrian is trustworthy?” is a level beyond him even at his natural worst.

Leliel: Quite simply, he’s acting even worse than he is when Anankos is using him as a puppet - and without any good explanation, because canonically, Takumi desperately wants Corrin’s approval, and his initial anger in Conquest is born out of feeling that Corrin spat on Mikoto’s sacrifice. This “Hate Corrin, hate Nohr, kill everything, argleblargle” Takumi? Is literally something that only happens after a now-vanished dragon gets done reprogramming him, and so this Takumi is a substantially flatter and more annoying character.

Benny: This is why the Spitefic chooses the angle of Takumi being silently wary of Corrin rather than any blind hatred. He actually marries Xander and moves to Nohr in the setting.

"Sorry kid, but...you're going to become a monster."

Theresia: … excuse me?

"Sorry kid, but...you're going to become a monster."

Theresia: Going to be? Going? As in, not now?!

Yoona: *suddenly shifting to her dragon form*

Taeyeon: Uh oh... take cover everyone!

Yoona: GRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! GOING TO? GOING TO?! OH LET'S JUST COMPLETELY IGNORE HOW CASUALLY RACIST AND DISRESPECTFUL SHE'S BEEN. LET'S JUST IGNORE HER CALLOUS TREATMENT OF PRISONERS AND HER LACK OF EMPATHY TO HER OWN SERVANTS. LET'S JUST IGNORE THE WAY SHE TREATS HER OWN MOTHER. LET'S JUST THROW AWAY ALL SENSE OF FORESHADOWING. LET'S NOT BOTHER WITH THE IDEA OF MAKING YOUR OWN FATE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INFINITELY BETTER IDEA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! TEENAGE DDI I UNDERSTAND IT'S YOUR EDGY INCOMPETENCE BUT THIS IS HOW YOU KILL ANY INVESTMENT INTO A CHARACTER! *collapses back into her human form*

Kanaki: Deep breaths Mama, deep breaths.

Kanny: Yeah so... with that, there's a good reason Macbeth doesn't start with the three witches saying he becomes a bloodthirsty murderer. Villain protagonists need buildup, not for readers to get slapped in the face with the spoiler!

Benny: And for that matter, usually a character that falls into evil starts out with some good qualities, to heighten the tragedy, just look at Macbeth again.

Fun Fact: Kunoichi was the historical name for ninjas who specialized in seduction and psychological warfare; while a kunoichi could technically be male or female, for obvious reasons this role was mostly filled by females.

Taeyeon: This fact was brought to you by Encyclopedia Trustmebro. And that's a wrap. My husband and the others will be sporking the next most anti-Hoshidan chapter, and I can only offer my prayers.