![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Chapter 11 ABD Commentary
Jun. 5th, 2025 01:59 pmOriginal Sporking found here, Daily Palestine and other causes Click here
Current Rotation: Benny, Irene, Caeldori, Kanaki, Midori
Irene: Another day, another spork. Let's just get to it.
Kanaki: Yippee...
Caeldori: It's true that in canon, Aunt Azura faced discrimination for being a Nohrian princess, but no one was going to throw her into a ghetto!
Caeldori: He's actually really helpful to Aunt Felicia, who he married in our world. He starts out helping her out with her tasks, only to admit in the end that it's actually somewhat rewarding. As for him and Aunt Azura, well, how about letting their supports do the talking?
Benny: For that matter, Garon only employs Hans and Iago because Anankos is controlling him and Anankos despises humans. However, DDI didn't think Nohr was the hero either, so we're not being too overly critical of him, aside from the lack of fact checks.
Caeldori: And that wraps up this chapter's sporking! We didn't have a whole lot to say since the sporkers already said most of it themselves, but the others might depending on what comes next.
Current Rotation: Benny, Irene, Caeldori, Kanaki, Midori
Irene: Another day, another spork. Let's just get to it.
Kanaki: Yippee...
Kana: Seriously, she’s a literal royal heir! If kidnapping her isn’t going to get Nohr themselves pissed off enough, to lose her in a foriegn quarter, already shown to be a ghetto in the worst senses of the word…Benny: Teen DDI, in his mistaken belief that two unlikeable sides makes for a compelling story, turns Hoshido into straw bigots.
Leliel: Hell, even if you want war - this is a good way to reinforce the other side’s morale, because not only do they hate you, they’re afraid if you do that to the princess, what’s going to happen to some hapless captured infantryman? Morale in war is pretty much glue for an army - even just when running low, your strategy will already fall apart, so giving your enemies more of it is…not advised.
Caeldori: It's true that in canon, Aunt Azura faced discrimination for being a Nohrian princess, but no one was going to throw her into a ghetto!
Caim: …wait. So in a sudden attack of the world making sense, the reason Mikoto was so eager to play adopted mother to Azura, her enemy’s daughter-Midori: First of all, the implication of my grandmother being crazy for not wanting to throw my aunt to the metaphorical wolves is testing my draconic patience. Second, was DDI afraid that two sisters marrying opposite sides was too unrealistic? There are plenty of examples in real life where interkingdom marriages occurred and wars still broke out, just look at World War I, it was often also called the "Great Family Feud!"
Leliel: Stepdaughter, but yes.
Caim: …was because she’s Azura’s aunt? *beat* And somehow, this wasn’t brought up for “realism”!?
Wanderer2691: Sadly, this ran straight into the author being so insistent that the existence of Valla in any form was totes silly, you guys.
Kana: *grim* And given what is said next…
"Nobody understands the situation better than I. This is not a mother's madness, I am simply doing what is right. That is one thing we still have."
Kana: We’re ‘sposed to think that this is grieving madness.
Jude: I don’t doubt it.
Caim: …so, if you’ll allow me to dole out points:
DRAGONLESS MADNESS: 207 (One for breaking a perfectly sensible train of logic that would make Miktoto adopt a princess of her geopolitical archrivals that has worked in the real world, one for mucking up the entire family’s backstory, and one for the unneeded removal of Valla when it could easily be a “dead kingdom” even without Anankos.)
A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE… EMBLEM: 39 (One point for the whole sequence wherein people seriously discuss killing or hurling a child into the foriegn quarter, another for saying that Mikoto isn’t behaving rationally for not wanting to do that.)
A DIMMER LIGHT: 56 (Implying the queen is cray-cray on some level, which is also kinda sexist.)
"Hm, it seems the myth about beauty never being tarnished is just that," Azama chuckledKanaki: Chalk it up to DDI skimming the TVTropes page and concluding Uncle Azama's character was just "butthole" despite some tropes such as Compassionate Critic or Jerk With A Heart of Gold noting otherwise.
Kay: Shortly before his teeth started soaking in her puke, as Hinoka had just knocked them out. Seriously?
Jude: Azama is an ass, but he is an ass who understands time and place. He’d probably make this joke, a week from the event. And probably spin it into a rather more clever satire on the concept of beauty, given how he’d probably say he was talking about the vomit and the tarnishing of the natural processes of stomach acid.
Caeldori: He's actually really helpful to Aunt Felicia, who he married in our world. He starts out helping her out with her tasks, only to admit in the end that it's actually somewhat rewarding. As for him and Aunt Azura, well, how about letting their supports do the talking?
Azama: Here's my diagnosis, if I may be so bold... I suspect the reason you feel out of sorts is due to your broody and introverted nature.Irene: And even that last line implies he's being tsundere about being read. But teenagers don't need to write about complex characters, just one-dimensional caricatures!
Azura: Whatever do you mean?
Azama: You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you bear that burden alone. Yet your heart longs to be free, and you mind craves the comfort of friendship. Don't you suffer from the unfulfilled desire to hare your worries and sorrows?
Azura: You're saying my heart...wants to be free?
Azama: Indeed. In fact, sharing what's on your mind is the only known cure for brooding.
Azura: Hmm...
Azama: That same concept can be found in a variety of spiritual teachings. Though really it all boils down to the same thing!
Azura: ... Hahaha, I think I finally understand you! You want me to share my troubles with you. You ought to have said so from the start instead of all this roundabout nonsense. You're simply worried about me, is that it?
Azama: I suppose that's one way to look at it... But you don't have to take it so positively! I just felt...irritated by your anxious expressions. And I was bored.
"Ah, the gods made you a warrior, then," He grinned as if he'd heard the story a million times before, "I'm guessing you were isolated in your small town, hearing stories from merchants of faraway lands and wonders and decided that you needed to see it all for yourself, and decided the only way you were going to find your destiny was through strength."Midori: Ah yes, the classic required stupidity for plot advancement. The same one that led to Corringula escaping in the first place. Ignoring the fact that there are probably wanted posters for both Corringula and Ganglari, like Kana mentioned, that sword looks made of evil. One can tell DDI is writing by the seat of his pants here.
Kana: GrrrAAAAAAAGGHH!
*And now, living proof that Kana resembles her father in dragon form as well*
Dragon Kana: DISTANT LANDS!? YOU MEAN LIKE OUTSIDE OF YOUR OWN BUTT GIVEN HOW YOU SEEM TO HAVE CRAWLED UP IT YOU MORON!? IT DOESN’T EVEN LOOK LIKE A HOSHIDO SWORD - NO, IT LOOKS EVIL TOO! EVEN IF YOU LIVED UNDER A ROCK YOU’D GET SOMETHING WAS UP - DO BRAIN CELLS NOT SURVIVE IN THE SUN IN THIS FIC!? HUH!? HUH!? AAAAAAARGH!
Wanderer2691: “What it is” seems to be “exactly the fucking same as its canon self.” Evil purple curse glow included.Benny: The fact there are two of these foolish Hoshidans are probably worth a Dimmer Light count. Emphasis on Dim.
Charlotte: Even assuming the glow was a side-effect of the assassination spell that is now gone…it’s still a black sabre that looks like it’s made out of crystal. It’s not goddamn subtle!
Kay: And because of that, anyone who was presumably in the capital likely knows it was a giant black Nohrian sword that killed Grandma! Because everyone in at least Hinoka and Ryoma’s entourage saw it when it was confiscated!
Leliel: And even if magic swords are common enough to be confused for common weapons - I kind of doubt that a podunk private is going to be wielding the obviously magic sword! There’s something fishy here, that this guy does not notice through extreme effort!
Jude: Everyone, allow me to announce some good news, however: it is obvious Captain Baka Manuke is succeeded by his living relatives, in particular his good-natured cousin, Private Aho! Truly a storied family - in that there is no shortage of stories about them forgetting the name of the country they are from and being sold bridges in the desert.
Caim: Basically, paid bandits? They not only don’t work, they actually are a boon to your enemies’ morale - it’s sawing off your own foot because you’re convinced it makes you look cool. Like this author seems to think, given how cliche grimdark the writing is.Irene: We already talked about this before, but again, most people surrender if the outcome is better than fighting to the bitter end. Rising of the Shield Hero has the same problem.
Benny: For that matter, Garon only employs Hans and Iago because Anankos is controlling him and Anankos despises humans. However, DDI didn't think Nohr was the hero either, so we're not being too overly critical of him, aside from the lack of fact checks.
Leliel: I am not in the business of checking reviews to guess at this sudden declaration that the author is not owned in the most twee manner possible…but I have a theory on exactly how well-received this fic was at the time. Even if not, it’s rude to everyone reading this, so…Midori: Well, knowing now he was just a teenager who thought he was being smart, makes this whole smugness seem less so. Hanlon's Razor is back at it again. Teenagers sometimes think they're being so smart while doing the dumbest thing ever.
IT’S BEEN OVER FOUR YEARS, DAMNIT: 36
Caeldori: And that wraps up this chapter's sporking! We didn't have a whole lot to say since the sporkers already said most of it themselves, but the others might depending on what comes next.
